I can see where advice would be a problem....

[Cheese96]

Hi, I'm new to this site and this is my first post so I figured I would start off with the problem that is bugging me the most. I'm very young so I can see where giving advice to me would be a problem because I am not too much aware of the world and its ways yet.

So.... I have just gotten out of this year and a half relationship. I really love the guy but we fight all the time. I will admit there were many hard feelings when it happened but then I tried to be friends with him. We still fight. Anyway, while we were dating he gave me a ring that was once supposed to go to his mother but she refused his dad. now he wants that ring back and I told him "like **** you're getting it back" . I'm really attached to it but he wants it back and he says because it was his mom's (who never accepted it). I didn't wear that for a year and a half and get attached to it just to give it back. Actually, we exchanged promise rings and in monetary value the one that I gave him is worth WAY more but the one that I have right now has more sentimental value. I don't plan on wearing it with the same meaning but I do love it more than anything at the moment. (As you can tell I get more attached to objects than people.) the funny things is that I have moved on and gotten rid of all the other stuff that he has given me. I guess I just want to know that you all think. I asked a friend and she told me that the ring was a gift that I can do as I please with. So.... That pretty sums up my biggest issue at the moment. don't worry, I have a lot more. Haha.

[Williamjw]

You probably want to keep it, as it is a memory of good times. Which suprisses me as i would personaly probably see that as a tirgger of past memories, but that's just me.

[pinky3]

In my opinion you shouldn't give someone something that you're not prepared to give away forever! Unless you had some sort of agreement? But like with any ring (promise or engagement) you don't say "here have it til I decide I want it back".

I think it's yours and he must deal with that fact??

[ssandra]

You are under no obligation to give it back of course...

But don't you think that for him it might mean more then it does for you? I mean, it was supposed to be his MOMS. For you it is just a ring you got from somebody you were in a relationship with when you were young.

I'm not sure how young you are, but I got a ring from a boyfriend when I was 16... at that time it was the greatest thing ever. I was extremely happy with it!

Even 1 year later (after the relationship) I could look at the ring and have good memories about the relationship, but no different then if I would look at pictures.

Now, about 12 years later, I just smile about the silly girl I was then, and have fond memories. But that's it.

The memories of the good times in the relationship are there with or without the ring. And why would you want to have it, if you are not going to wear it ever again anyway?

My advice?

Be the bigger person and just give back the ring.

[James81]

Do you think that perhaps you're still hurting...not quite wanting to let him go, but not really wanting him back either...and that this ring is something that keeps you connected to him (even if it's the source of fights) and that you know that by giving that ring back to him that you might be completely severing that connection?

[Cheese96]

The agreement was that we each wanted to have something material to remind us that we both had good times. But everytime it came up he would always go back and forth on whether he would want it back if we separated. In truth, I really do want my old ring back, it was a gift from my mother, but at the same time I do have a lot of raw feelings and I don't want him to turn around and give it to another girl like it didn't mean anything at all. I don't want to feel like I'm being replaced even though eventually that is what is going to happen.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Cheese96

The agreement was that we each wanted to have something material to remind us that we both had good times. But everytime it came up he would always go back and forth on whether he would want it back if we separated. In truth, I really do want my old ring back, it was a gift from my mother, but at the same time I do have a lot of raw feelings and I don't want him to turn around and give it to another girl like it didn't mean anything at all. I don't want to feel like I'm being replaced even though eventually that is what is going to happen.

Ah. I can get that. The ring is something that was special between you and him and you don't want to give it back to him because you don't want him to give it to another girl cause if he did that, it would cheapen what it meant to YOU.

Understandable.

[Illuminatus]

Originally Posted by Cheese96

Hi, I'm new to this site and this is my first post so I figured I would start off with the problem that is bugging me the most. I'm very young so I can see where giving advice to me would be a problem because I am not too much aware of the world and its ways yet.

So.... I have just gotten out of this year and a half relationship. I really love the guy but we fight all the time. I will admit there were many hard feelings when it happened but then I tried to be friends with him. We still fight. Anyway, while we were dating he gave me a ring that was once supposed to go to his mother but she refused his dad. now he wants that ring back and I told him "like **** you're getting it back" . I'm really attached to it but he wants it back and he says because it was his mom's (who never accepted it). I didn't wear that for a year and a half and get attached to it just to give it back. Actually, we exchanged promise rings and in monetary value the one that I gave him is worth WAY more but the one that I have right now has more sentimental value. I don't plan on wearing it with the same meaning but I do love it more than anything at the moment. (As you can tell I get more attached to objects than people.) the funny things is that I have moved on and gotten rid of all the other stuff that he has given me. I guess I just want to know that you all think. I asked a friend and she told me that the ring was a gift that I can do as I please with. So.... That pretty sums up my biggest issue at the moment. don't worry, I have a lot more. Haha.

It's obvious to me that having the ring back has an emotional representation for this guy - it will help him make a clean break from you. So swallow your greed and give it back to him, and help the relationship end. It's the dignified thing to do.