A New Beginning to Heal

[nina523]

Hello all,

I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone and say hello. Both Steve's and Erin's websites have been a great source of strength and inspiration for me. I have been a great fan of their websites for a little longer than a year now, mostly as a viewer though.

I just recently ended a tumultuous 3-year relationship. I am still very heart-broken and emotionally fragile about how horribly everything ended between us. But I decided that today, the beginning of a new month, is going to mark a new beginning for me.

Despite my heart-ache I still have hope that there is still someone out there that I am meant to be with. I just need to get through this pain without any anger or resentment so that I can give us the opportunity to find each other.

I would greatly appreciate any words of comfort, encouragement, and wisdom to help me through this painful sadness.

Thanks,
nina523

[KLmasina]

Hey Nina,

Congratulations on the first day of The Rest of your Life. It will never be as hard as it was yesterday. I went through a horrible break up nearly three years ago, and it took time, healing and patience. Yes, you will love again, and yes you will feel joy and happiness again.

Right now, it's your relationship with your Self that is most important - most of all you need to show your Self love. Act toward your Self the way you would want your Perfect Partner to one day. Tell your Self every day when looking in the mirror how wonderful you are, and how much you love You. Eat well, exercise well, dress well, live well... You have so much Love inside of you to share, so why not focus on sharing it with the most important person in your life right now... You.

You can't change what has happened, but you can choose whether or not you think about it... shift your thoughts always to the present... to the Now... to your new life.

Much joy,
Kara-Leah

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by nina523

But I decided that today, the beginning of a new month, is going to mark a new beginning for me.

Despite my heart-ache I still have hope that there is still someone out there that I am meant to be with.

That doesn't sound like a new beginning for you. Letting go of any expectation the future may bring might be a new beginning for you. Hoping something will happen in the future sounds like an old habit. Live for today.

Originally Posted by nina523

I just need to get through this pain without any anger or resentment so that I can give us the opportunity to find each other.

No, no, no... feel what you feel and express it. The only thing wrong with anger or resentment is holding it back. Cry to your girlfriend or beat up a pillow. Express, express, express. This will open space for your new relationship and other possibilities to come into your life.

[JHL]

Hi there Nina, thanks for introducing yourself

Ending your relationship must have been such a difficult thing for you, even if it was right that it should end. It must feel like your world has been turned upside down. I'm sure you must be in a lot of pain right now and feeling very sad.

Its difficult because this person had been a part of your life for 3 years, good or bad, they were there and now they're gone. Its a very painful loss that takes some time to come to terms with.

Its always an additional sorrow when a relationship ends badly. Its because emotions are running high and people often say and do things they dont really mean and probably wish they hadnt later. But it does leave you wishing it didnt have to be that way, because it just makes something that is already so hard, even harder to come to terms with.

Acceptance of your loss is the final corner to turn. And to get there, try to keep in mind that there were good reasons that the relationship didnt work out. It just wasnt working for you, and there IS a better one out there for you - have no doubt about that. When you feel down one naturally tends to view things a little negatively - but that will change in time. You are right to have hope - the universe is tireless and very persistant about sending all of us as much love as we are ready for.

Here's a quote from The Prophet by Kalhil Gibran that Steve posted the other day:

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

P.S Dharma is right about the expressing bit - its ok to feel angry and resentful and everything else. You are entitled to your feelings - they are your truth and perfectly ok to feel. In this way, when you let them go, they're gone for good. If you try to reject them or disown them, its a bit like pushing a splinter back inside your skin (imagine the results!). Give yourself permission to feel it all and to let it all out, thats a great thing you can do for yourself right now.

[Kamma]

Hi Nina

I just wanted to say that you've taken a very good step. Remember that this wil be a process for you and that feeling positive may not come every day. You were with this person for three years and even when you lose someone in your life that you may not even like, they still leave a hole.

I agree that you should feel free to express all your emotions. Don't keep them in because you think you should - let them out because they're there.

Onwards and upwards
Karen xx

[nina523]

I greatly appreciate everyone's words of kindness and advice.

2 Kamma: I do let it out once in a while. When I'm busy at work, I don't have time to think about it. But once the day winds down and I'm driving home from work, it hits me pretty hard. I end crying so hard that I have to pull over sometimes.

2 JHL: I think that's what's making it worse for me--is that it ended so badly. And it does make things more difficult to come to terms with. Thank you for the quote--it was beautiful.

Again, thank you everyone.
nina523