In the midst of crisis how does one person thrive and another collapse?

[Przemek]

When I first started on this journey of self-improvement I didn't know who I was, and the worst thing about it is that I didn't knew that I didn't know.

I thought that my life was the way it is and that's how it has to be; that was my experience of life and nobody could tell me any differently at this point in my life.

So, after my "moment of clarity", which is a conscious recognition of an individuals need to change, I started questioning things around me. I started discovering, piece by piece, a new world I didn't even knew existed. I felt like Alice that fell into the rabbit hole or like Neo when he took the red pill.

And I'm falling ever since. And I know I will keep on falling, because life is the most exciting adventure we can be on. Life is the biggest, grandest buffet you will ever have the privilege to indulge into any cuisine you wish. The choices are limitless and endless and curiosity for life will never cease to exist, ever.

But that's not how I used to think about life. I used to think about life as something that is happening "to me", instead of "through me". I was bored most of the time, having only glimpses of fun, brief moments of joy, and later on longer and longer moments of waiting for the next joyous moment to come around.

And the more I waited the more depressed I got for not having it, until one day, being fed up with depression, being tired of waiting, I took my life in my own hands and said "I'm not going to take this anymore. This is my life and I have to take responsibility for it." The rest is history.

So what happened after my "moment of clarity"? Was I happy and content all the time? Was I joyous and from now on had seen beauty in every moment of the day?

The answer is: No. I was more depressed than ever. I started finally acknowledging my feelings and emotions that I have disowned through the years; the feelings of anger, guilt, self-pity, jealousy, inadequacy - all of those things started to surface and it didn't feel good at all. It wasn't like I was walking on clouds, but instead like I was dragging my feet through thick mud.

But I knew I couldn't go back; I knew I didn't want too. My life as I knew it was over. I wanted to start a new life; a life when I would not be scared anymore; a life where I am the one "pulling the strings".

So what I did is I accepted. I accepted my life for what it was and what have I created it to be. I forgave, eventually, everyone in my life that I felt has hurt me in the past, but the truth is that who I needed to forgive was me.

It was a process and it didn't happen over night. It took me over 2 years to grow from an infantile, scared boy into a man that knows himself, that is not afraid of life and stands proud and tall for what he believes in.

But it wasn't a stroll in the park. In fact it is the MOST challenging of all quests - the challenge to reclaim your birthright, to be the person you were set out here to be - a warrior who is not afraid of life, but instead is the co-creator of every circumstance in his life.

It takes courage to take this road; to leave the known behind. It's jumping into the abyss and not knowing where you're going to end up.

It's constantly pushing yourself further and further having nothing to look forward too; you just have a feeling that this is the "right thing to do".

You fall down and you put yourself back up, because you know there is no going back. In fact there is nothing to go back too; fear and constant doubt aren't satisfying anymore; constant surprise and the feeling of lightness when you resolve your issues is what "powers you up", what gives you the willingness to "push play", "to show up".

A boy fell down once on the ground while riding a bike; he was crying. His grandfather came, took him by the hand and asked him "Why do we fall down? To learn to pick ourselves back up again."

What do You think?

For more info about relationships, spirituality and life in general visit my daily blog located in the signature. Namaste

[ellie]

Lovely post and a I have travelled a very similar journey.

I feel lucky that I got to eventually find the right road and yes like you mine was not instant, but every day has got better and better.

I don't know the "key to it all". Maybe just having persistence on not giving up even when you have said your giving up?

[Przemek]

Yes ellie, you lose when you give up, so the thing is too push ourselves a little further each time we fall, because everytime we pick ourselves back up is bringing us closer to the goal - travel through life being free.