Non-Stop Talkers...

[elucidate]

One can get mesmerised by the other persons chatter to that degree...it's important to snap out of it and say something or they will drain you...and it will be your responsability for letting it happen.

[granted]

Originally Posted by MyEyeIsOpen

I have two observations:

1) You said NSTs are rude and egotistical. What you mean is that if you were to talk nonstop, it would be because you has changed from your current way of being, to being rude and egotistical.

Fair enough.

Originally Posted by MyEyeIsOpen

I've learned over and over not to make judgments like that. They are NSTs because maybe they are uncomfortable in conversation so they feel like they have to fill the dead space, or they are afraid of there BEING any dead space. Maybe their mother was a NST, and that's just how they think people should related to each other, and it makes them feel calm.

Fair enough.

Originally Posted by MyEyeIsOpen

My point is that no one wakes up in the morning and says "Today, I think I'll be rude and egotistical by talking someone's ear off."

Agreed.

Originally Posted by MyEyeIsOpen

2) You are over thinking the "problem". The solution is dead simple, and it's not to use tricks or body language. It's to be honest and direct.

Also agreed

Originally Posted by James81

Isn't it amazing how we (and yes, I'm guilty of this too) are so concerned with being not rude that we will not even call rude behavior when we see it?

Crazy, huh

Originally Posted by James81

EDIT: BTW, I'm not saying that NSTs are rude. I'm just commenting on the part about rudeness. As other's said above, NSTs probably don't think they are rude. They are probably more likely to just be lonely people who need an outlet.

In hindsight my choise of words was probably not the best. I should have thought more. "Rude" is a little aggressive. Actually, I'm not sure what word would best describe how I feel about NST's...

Originally Posted by elucidate

If we believe in the tenet of 'treat people the way we wish to be treated'...then, doesn't that stand to reason that we should not be worried if we are rude to someone who is rude to us?

I'd prefer to take the higher road, but I understand what you're saying

Originally Posted by James81

That's a good point (about treating others the way we wish to be treated).

But the question is...how would YOU respond to someone doing that to you? Would you answer their rudeness with kindness and understanding? Or would you get all huffy (even if you knew they were right)?

My point is that if you DO treat someone the way you want to be treated, then there is an appropriate way to handle that rudeness that would wield results without inciting the situation into something ugly. Not always, but most of the times I think just a blunt assessment of the situation would do the trick.

Good point.

Originally Posted by elucidate

Well, if I simply stated "you know, dominating the conversation like you are can be percieved as being rude, please stop it. I'd like to have a say as well", then I am being assertive and honest.

Sounds fair.

Originally Posted by elucidate

...hmmm. It's all good in theory...remembering to do this AT THE TIME, is usually the hard part...at least for me! Sometimes I say the right thing in the right way and it goes well, other times I kick myself later!

Agreed. There's the challenge right there

Originally Posted by elucidate

One can get mesmerised by the other persons chatter to that degree...it's important to snap out of it and say something or they will drain you...and it will be your responsability for letting it happen.

YES! That's the problem for me. I notice I start to 'glaze over' and drift away. The NST can see this.

I've spent time really thinking about whether in fact I'm the one being rude—for not being interested so to speak—but 9 times out of 10 I don't believe I am, because the NST is usually just rambling, and rambling and rambling, and they know it — because they say that themselves:

"Oh I'm rambling on and on aren't I" which in fact makes me despise the NST even more, because they know what they're doing...

[elucidate]

They can only do it if you let them ramble on. I've cut in on someone talking non-stop before and said, " I think I've listened enough to you about this, I'd like a break" and they've turned around and respected me for it. They know what they are like but they won't stop until you basically tell them to! Wierd but true. It's almost as though they are testing you to see what they can get away with...I think this is what they are doing in reality!

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by elucidate

It's almost as though they are testing you to see what they can get away with...I think this is what they are doing in reality!

I actually don't think so. I think they know that they have that tendency and at times notice what they are doing, but do not do it "on purpose".

So, telling them they are rambling reminds them that they are doing it, and will stop it (for a while).

[granted]

Originally Posted by elucidate

They can only do it if you let them ramble on. I've cut in on someone talking non-stop before and said, " I think I've listened enough to you about this, I'd like a break" and they've turned around and respected me for it. They know what they are like but they won't stop until you basically tell them to! Wierd but true. It's almost as though they are testing you to see what they can get away with...I think this is what they are doing in reality!

Beautiful. Agreed. Thank you again elucidate

[elucidate]

Possibly...it sure seems like they are though at times.

Originally Posted by ssandra

I actually don't think so. I think they know that they have that tendency and at times notice what they are doing, but do not do it "on purpose".

So, telling them they are rambling reminds them that they are doing it, and will stop it (for a while).

[granted]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I actually don't think so. I think they know that they have that tendency and at times notice what they are doing, but do not do it "on purpose".

So, telling them they are rambling reminds them that they are doing it, and will stop it (for a while).

It's maybe more like "impulsion" than "on purpose"—one's just a little less focused

[marinik]

I have a coworker who talks in "whole sentences" and is to an extent a NST. If we are talking about the "small yellow chair with 3 legs in the corner of the fifth floor conference room" - she will always say the whole thing - never use any kind of pronoun or shortened version of communication we all are used to because after the initial definition and agreement on the topic at hand we know what we are talking about - usually. But she says "small yellow chair with 3 legs in the corner of the fifth floor conference room" all the time and go on and on... I know she likes me so I am a bit cheeky and often ask her when has become all about her... or just interrupt her and give her the taste of her own medicine. But for the rest of NTS's I apologize (always have and escape strategy) and run!

[Plays With Life]

One time a guy was totally drunk, and talking to me nonstop at the laundromat. I wasn't even responding to anything he was saying. I finally said to him "Listen, I'm not really interested in talking right now." He stopped talking to me.

Originally Posted by marinik

I have a coworker who talks in "whole sentences" and is to an extent a NST. If we are talking about the "small yellow chair with 3 legs in the corner of the fifth floor conference room" - she will always say the whole thing - never use any kind of pronoun or shortened version of communication we all are used to because after the initial definition and agreement on the topic at hand we know what we are talking about - usually.

That's pretty hilarious.

[granted]

Well, it's funny how life works, isn't it.

6 weeks ago:

I knew when I wrote this thread that there MUST be lesson here for me to learn, but I'd simply had enough of NST's and was at boiling point.

Today:

Over the last month or so, my neighbor (NST) has become very close to me. Not 'that' way just close in friendship.

Among any other person in my life during the last few months he has been pivotal to me in many, many ways. He's changed my life.

Wanna know the funny thing? I actually like listening to him talk now. I talk also Sometimes we sit for 2 or 3 hours and just talk, and it feels like 10 minutes.

Amaze-ballz.

Just wanted to share/follow-up

[Kishka]

All I have to say is that this thread reappeared because Im dealing with a NST in my subjective reality at this time, lol...

Im wondering if she's manic-depressive at this point. The NSTing is like a sort of mania. Granted, she is excited because she can talk to me about spiritual awakening, etc., so I think I'll have to be a sounding board right now, lol.


ETA- I just realized that NSTers make you feel like they could be talking to a wall, for all they care. I like dialogue, not monologues....