When New Friends and Old Friends Collide

[Gabo]

Hey everyone,

Long time reader and poster here on the forums, but this is my first time actually bringing up a personal situation for advice, comments, and suggestions. I am a 3rd year at UCLA, and over the past month or so I've been trying to coordinate a place to live next year. A problem arose recently when I realized I'm not sure I want to live with the people I've been trying to get an apartment with.

I have a few friends on campus that I've known since freshman year, and when it came time to figure out living situations they invited me to room with them. I enjoy spending time with these friends and have known them for a while, so of course I said yes.

In the past month, however, I've met a couple new friends on campus. I met them spontaneously in one of my classes, and we started getting along really well. In the short time I've known these new friends, I can feel on a deep level that they are more aligned with my personality. They resonate with me more than the friends I've known for a long time.

A couple days ago, these new friends asked me if I wanted to live with them next year. My gut feelings say that doing so would be the right decision. I feel great when around these new friends, and think they would have a more positive effect on my life than my old friends. The problem is that I don't want to offend or estrange my old friends by deciding not to live with them. I absolutely still care about my old friends, and enjoy spending time with them too, but I think that choosing not to live with them is the right choice for me.

I don't want to have to choose one set of friends over the other, but I don't know how to convey my decision without making it sound like I'm hurting one set of friends. I've asked a couple very close friends for their advice, and I thought I would ask all of you as well. How can I not hurt my old friends while making the right choice for myself?

[yossarian]

You aren't going to hurt your old friends by moving out. You're not responsible for their feelings. You don't need to make a big deal out of it - a simple explanation for instance would be just to say "I wanted to try it out and see what it was like."

Everyone will accept an answer like that. If your old friends get offended it is because they have some issue that is beyond your control. You can't be responsible for that and are not responsible.