|03-23-2010, 01:11 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2009
When You Know You Just Gotta Let Go
What do you do when you've broken up with someone because you know the relationship is not working, but you just keep going back for more?
At the moment I'm in limbo. I know I don't want to be with him, but I find myself keeping him hanging on because (to be perfectly honest) I don't like the idea of him letting go of me. I find myself getting jealous that he might flirt/hang out with other girls, even though I don't want him!
I think part of the problem is that I am still in love with him, but the relationship is just not healthy It had it's time, but that time is gone.
I know I have to move on from this feeling, for his sake and mine, but any advice how?
|03-23-2010, 01:49 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2007
I think the primary thing you are feeling, under the jealousy and confusion, is guilt. Would I be right in saying that you feel guilty?
|03-23-2010, 04:46 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Just keep feeling it. The worse you feel the jealousy, the need to hang on, the shorter it will last.
It's just a feeling.
If, mentally, you want to hang on, and it's not just emotions, refer to Cloud's post.
|03-23-2010, 05:36 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2010
Like what Karanime said, let yourself go through those feelings. Let yourself feel bad, jealous, and whatever other feelings may be coming. Keep in mind, however, that they are just feelings. After having been emotionally connected to him, you may still desire those emotions.
They are just your emotions and you don't need to connect with them. You know that being with him isn't healthy so you know better than to attach too much importance to those feelings.
Give it some time and let yourself feel whatever you may be feeling.
|03-27-2010, 04:03 AM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2009
Well that's the hard part- getting over the addiction. There's a withdrawl phase where you still just try to hold on...seems to happen to everybody. That's why if you have a rebound crush at least it makes it easier...but it's kind of better just to let go initially and just wait it out, get the pain over with. Because the longing goes away eventually, but it just takes time....But it will be replaced by logic if you can just hold out long enough.....Without having a rebound (which can kind of suck too- recent personal experience) I'd recommend spending a lot of time with friends and in social situations so you don't feel too alone. Get well soon.
|04-01-2010, 05:25 AM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
I was in a situation like this a few years ago.
I was really struggling to let go of a unhealthy relationship even though I really loved the guy. I found it helped to talk about it with an univolved third party and then I made a phone call to him, my exact words were
"I've decided I can't be your friend anymore. I still really care about you and wish you all best." Silence and then I hung up and burst into tears. But now it all seems a bit trivial (me - not everyone else.)
I did struggle for a few months to let go and cried alot. I found that helpful just to let it out and then affirm that Im okay, that I had everything i needed to be okay within myself and wish him love and happiness.
Hope that helps in someway. It was tricky at the time but now its justs a past drama. I don't talk about it much. I've moved on to better things.
|04-01-2010, 07:07 AM||#11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Boston, MA
It will pass
I remember when I broke up with my ex, I literally cried for days. But then after a while the pain started to go away. Now a couple of years later, I don't think about this person anymore. In fact I can see why breaking up was the right thing to do.
In all it took me about six months to work through the pain and be able to move on with my life.
Like everyone said, just feel the pain, acknowledge that it exists, and deal with it. Don't go back to this guy though because you'll never be to move on. Break free and deal with the short term pain. It will pass and you might even find someone nice who'll make you forget about your ex
|04-02-2010, 06:08 PM||#12 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2009
I've come to the conclusion that it's like any mourning process. If there is still love involved, no matter how bad the relationship was, you miss them and don't want to accept they are gone.
I also like the analogy of a previous poster who said that it's like kicking an addiction. You go through withdrawal symptoms for the person, whether they were 'good' or 'bad' for you. But after a certain time they are out of your system.
These days when I miss him, I remind myself that although I miss him I am happier without him. And every day the feeling of happiness and contentment gets stronger and stronger.
|04-02-2010, 08:52 PM||#15 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2009
You strike me as someone who is able to find what's wrong with relationships and know not to pursue them. :-)
So, since you have this "skill," you therefore would manifest relationships that have something wrong with them.
We always can find something wrong with every relationship in our lives, if we focus on that. Bar none.
If you start focusing on what you appreciate about him and break your habit (if I'm right) of looking for things that don't work, you'll see a change in yourself and be able to reconnect with him in a beautiful way.
I only say all of this because my gut said to me that you're in love with him.
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