Parents with empty-nest syndrome

[Boreas]

Any advice on empty-nest?

Any advice is welcome!


Thanks!

[homeboy]

Hm... I don't know what to tell you except my roommates mom has the same thing. She calls him ALL the time. What's worse is he plays games all the time -MMORPG(FFXI) geektalk. She would call him on about whats on TV etc. I think they have a pet dog so that should help with passing the time. Finding a hobby is good too, gardening, bird watching, etc. Hope this helps.

HB

[fballer11]

my mom is the same. My dad is leaving her, my brother and sister are at college, and I am almost seventeen. She has no support at all, and is kind of facing this challenge by going into a cocoon. I need help with the same problem. My heart goes out to your mom and you.

I told her she is either going to have to rely on herself, or find someone else. She found someone else, my aunt, her sister. Not very healthy.

It affects me quite severely. It is just her and I living in a small house. Her negative energy can get to me sometimes.

[bellbird]

Clingy moms... ofcourse we feel for them as we love them.

My mother really has empty-nest syndrome pretty bad. She was a housewife and so never needed to work and her life centered around me and my brothers. Now we are gone in our own lives she has been at a lost for what to do, and I don't know how to help her learn to be more independent and start "a new life" in a sense. I am also wonderring how to take things to more of an adult relationship...

My parents and I used to have a 'too-involved' life with each other. As it was normal to me I didn't realise it was probably a bit too involved. My partner pointed out that he didn't appreciate my parents being so involved as they were. Once I realised that indeed it was not neccesary or healthy for my mum to know a lot about us, like how our sexlife was going for example) I started distracting myself from them. My mum and me used to be best friends.

Long story short: have your own life do your own thing. Obviously it's good if you share things but parents need to run their own lives not to be dependent on their kids to have one!

My parents were hurt that I distanced myself. This was when I was about 24! (Writing it down is funny making me realise it's taken a bit of time apparently) I was too involved in my mum's depression fase and it was just too much for me to cope with. I bailed out in the nicest way I could (sorta) but I had to be clear about it. They were a bit dissapointed at first. My dad later said it was a good thing as it was the healthy way to go. My mum has taken a bit longer to come round and actually I think we have not been close anymore like we used to. Not in a friendship way. But then again I wanted her to be my mum not my friend as such. In a way that makes me a bit sad, but I have to live my life and she hers.
It's done wonders for my parents though as they realised to celebrate things like NewYears by themselves can be fun too and that we would not automatically be there for every occasion. They resorted to building new friendships with other people and not be dependant on us anymore. It's a great thing. I think probably a relationship changes once you shift from adolescent teenager to adulthood. It's really a normal thing. Parents have to get used to it though. It can be very painful for them, but it's a part of life to grow and evolve. You will always be a child in your parents eyes but actually it's way nicer to have an adult relationship with them then to be stuck in a teenager timewarp. We have respect for each other and the way our relationship is now means we are equals.

I hope this will be helpful to you.
Be clear to your mum. Don't be manipulated by her, be nice about telling her what you think would be good to happen and let her get used to the idea.

[fballer11]

bell, how exactly did you "let your mom go", and not get caught up in her depression. That is what i need to do

[Boreas]

how to help negative people