I cant hug or have a conversation with my Father, and i'm only 16.

[Kikoroko]

Hi, thanks for reading my post. I would like to start off by saying that i dont remember the last time my father said "I love you"
Im a 16 y/o male coming from a hispanic family.
I have an extremely difficult time expressing my feelings and just leave them bottled up, but i ran across this site and am seeking help.
I am currently a Junior in high school with a 3.0 GPA, Here is what i am COMPARED to everyday, and my parents love telling me " WHY CAN YOU BE LIKE YOUR BROTHER OR YOUR SISTER" which makes me feel like a failure =D YAY!:

I have an older brother that graduated high school with a 4.5 GPA and went on to Notre Dame university and graduated with a 3.9.
I also have an older sister who graduated high school with a 4.4GPA average and went on to Wake Forest University, she never got below an A- in high school.
By the way: my relationship with both of my siblings is crap, we don't get along, well except they love yelling at me.

First my father: My father is 55 y/o and has a "brute" attitude, he does not have very good social skills and DOES NOT EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS AT ALL TIMES. My relationship with my father is as follows : he doesn't care to speak to me because he is "too busy" and doesn't ask me EVER how was my day, and when i try to initiate conversations with him he "Shoo's me away". I really wish i could feel like my father gave three shits about my life... My father is a workaholic, he works 24/7. I am not exaggerating when i say this, he owns his own business and seems to care more about his money that he does his family. He has an extremely stressful job, managing his business so when he gets home he unloads all the stress on me, or my mother. He loves to reward my sister with money an American Express's but when i ask for rewards he denies me them, and tells me that when i become like my siblings, i will be treated like them.
My mother: my mother is the biggest ***** i have ever seen, all she ever does is hide in a corner when my father is having his fits. She does not express her pain and cant find consolation with anything. She has to deal with my father's DICKHEAD personality all day. And when she's tired of it she comes to me and yells for no apparent reason.

My parents have never had a profound interest in my school, sports or activities. They really dot know anything about me.
I dont see my parents very often, they come home from work around 7PM , And set up their work stations and start typing away on their laptops and/or Blackberrys. They also are away on trips 8-12 weeks of the year.
My dinner is the complete opposite of what you see on the commercials.
We sit down and if i have something to say my father immediately tells me to be quiet. I am not allowed to speak during dinner. My father simply does not like the sound of my voice i guess. I dont talk to my parents neither do they to me, we dont get along, and when we do talk its fighting, And since i dont take **** it escalates very quickly.
Ive tried countless times to approach my mother about my relationship with her and my father, but all she says is " thats the way your father is, theres nothing you can do to change him" so i guess getting him to give me some feelings of love is hard.
My mother tries to, but it just feels cold hearted and not real.


Now my life is going down the drain, i am failing every class and resorting to other people for advice on life. I don't care about school, or about life. Everything has been so dull for me lately.

Please help me,
I do not want to be a ****-up for the rest of my life.

[Kikoroko]

I know this is very disorganized and all over the place,
but my ability to organize my thoughts isn''t working to well right now.

[Angela]

Welcome to the forums, Kikoroko. I hope you have lots of insights here, and I 'm glad you're here.

I'm going to read and respond to your post later when my theraflu wears off, but in the meanwhile, I want you to feel welcomed and loved, if I have anything to say about it.

[The Unconquered]

You're a scapegoat. Everything is automatically your fault, just because. And you've been conditioned to believe that's true.

The other kids in the family are the family heroes. If something happened to you, or you started producing stellar grades or do something else exceptionally noteworthy while one of them fell behind, the new "slacker" would be the family scapegoat, and you would be the family hero.

The scenario in the second paragraph is what happened to me. My sister was perfectly happy to be the new family hero, too. Revenge, I suppose.

I left my family situation March 1st because I have progressed so much over the past year and they want me to return to what my role was as scapegoat. A couple of nights ago, I returned and everything from dad's monitor being replaced to my sister falling asleep while she was driving was somehow attributable to me.

I refuse to put up with that ****, so I'm not coming back.

Unfortunately, you're 16 and I'm 28. Since you're not of legal age (at least in the US) your options are way more limited until you reach your 18th birthday. And unfortunately, saying your father is a dickhead to authorities isn't going to help you much. Retaliation? You betcha.

So, in the meantime, I would avoid the house as much as possible. Go to the library and study. Do something productive with your time outside the house. Learn how to earn extra money, if possible, so you can buy food. View your house as a place to sleep.

No one can maintain your sanity throughout this situation but you. But there are people here on this forum and elsewhere who can show you the path out if you're patient.

Sending positive vibes your way. I know that sucks. And btw, don't wait another 12 years to leave like I did.

EDIT: Just curious, does anyone in your family have a history of substance abuse problems? It could be a grandparent if it's not one of your parents.

[scotthegeek]

don't be so hard on yourself. it is hard growing up in a family that show you no love. do you have any friends? you sound so alone.

I needed to leave home before a could get along with my family. it hurts to know that your family is not there for you but I can tell you have a head on your shoulders because you commicate so clearly what is going on in life at such a young age.