Short relationships and romance when travelling

[Boreas]

I have been thinking of how you meet other travelers while travelling, it doesn't even have to be romantic, just friends. It seems to me that the basis for the friendship is being in a new place and going through the same things of being away from home. I have found these relationships in my life to become very strong very quickly. In fact, some of the strongest I have had.

Also they seem to have power in both sides knowing that things are not going to last more than a few days to a month. I don't know why, but the absence of the future seems to help make things smoother, and eliminate problems.

A lot of the comments on this forum tend to be along the lines of "you need to be complete and happy before you meet someone or there will be problems". I agree with this, but how is that different when you are travelling and meeting people just because you are in a new place, missing other things, looking for company, and generally unhappy?

I guess I am just trying to get a better perspective on the short term but intense relationship... any thoughts would be lovely. I have a headache from thinking on this.

[searstower]

Boreas,
There is a difference between "ravelling and meeting people just because you are in a new place, missing other things, looking for company, and generally unhappy" and traveling because you love it, find it exciting, and are looking for company.

It's normal to be lonely and seek out the company of other humans, especially in a new place. New friends are exciting and enjoyable and enriches our lives.

The issue I believe is when you are looking for something/someone outside of yourself to make you happy.

You won't find happiness outside of you, not true happiness. (Keep in mind, true happiness is not the same as giddy excitement. True happiness feels more like a very very extremely contentedness.)

People who look for happiness outside them tend to have unhealthy relationships and become addicted to finding that 'temporary giddiness' which makes them think they are happy.

Anyway, my two cents from my own experience,
Rebecca

[C33]

Dear Boreas,

I have people in my life that I have met through travelling and being open. One of them, that I met randomly in N. Y called our relationship a "soul friendship". I thought her choice of words was very beautiful and true to what I felt about her. We do not call and email once in a while, and basically pick it up where we left off, last time we met in N.Y.

I also have a friend in Japan, whom I have met about 7 years ago for 2 days in Barcelona, and with whom I have kept contact for all these years. I can't find another name for her than "friend". I believe in the kindness of strangers and in beautiful encounters.

Travelling expands the mind and heart, and sometimes the most meaningful and helpful friends you'll ever have will be the ones you meet travelling.

Enjoy those beautiful moments and do not censor them or overthink them.

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by Boreas

A lot of the comments on this forum tend to be along the lines of "you need to be complete and happy before you meet someone or there will be problems". I agree with this, but how is that different when you are travelling and meeting people just because you are in a new place, missing other things, looking for company, and generally unhappy?

Some problems in relationships will arise when one or the other person is looking for something specific, and try to project that something onto whoever they meet.

That doesn't happen when you're not looking, which is usually the case when you meet someone while traveling; you're generally traveling for the sake of traveling, not to meet someone.

Of course this isn't all there is to it, but no expectations and no projections leads to much fuller relationships.

One of the topics of conversation that frequently pop up while traveling is the way friendships form, and the lack of expectation (at least in seasoned traveler) of all those friendships continuing once the holiday is over. I'm quite happy that the last person I had that conversation with is still a good friend, despite the distance and time which has passed.

[Boreas]

Thanks for all the replies, reading them makes me feel better.

[Boreas]

I think when traveling you are less likely to think of the past or future. All that matters is now, and all the new things around you.

If we can see the world as ever new then our experiences would be ever intense.

[striving4peace]

I've had such interesting and intense encounters with people during travels, that burn much brighter but shorter than my regular relationships.

One time I was visiting this town for a wedding of a friend's and the bride's friend was also staying in the same hotel. We connected so instantly and spent the whole couple of nights just talking and sharing our life experiences and passing on wisdom accumulated. We haven't stayed in touch much after but it was still an amazing few days.

Another time I met an old friend to travel from his hometown to a holiday destination in a bus, and one of his friends I met on that bus ended up sneaking into my room at nights and having major make out sessions during that entire holiday untill the last night when she broke down and told me her life story and problems and why she was so stressed she needed to look for a fling, and I ended up helping her solve a lot of problems over the next few months and becoming a dear friend of hers even after she got married to someone else.

Looking back these are still treasured among the craziest but really awesome memories of my life

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by striving4peace

One time I was visiting this town for a wedding of a friend's and the bride's friend was also staying in the same hotel. We connected so instantly and spent the whole couple of nights just talking and sharing our life experiences and passing on wisdom accumulated. We haven't stayed in touch much after but it was still an amazing few days.

I think there is something about knowing that you will not keep in touch, or see that person again. People just open up and share more, they are more honest. They are more themselves. When you are around people who have and will be part of your life, you are more numb, apathetic, and fake...not to say that a person can't change that.

Originally Posted by striving4peace

Looking back these are still treasured among the craziest but really awesome memories of my life

Word.

[metamorph]

CouchSurfing - Participate in Creating a Better World, One Couch At A Time

[Minds Eye]

I think this has to do with the different stages of relationships.

Most relationships go through the phases of romance, power struggle, integration, creativity. The type of relationship you are talking about never leaves the romance stage, since it doesn't get a chance to! It's just like any other relationship where the first couple of months is magical. Your imagination is painting a picture of the character you want this person to be, and isn't concerned with the reality that will eventually unfold.

It's a stage of extreme excitement [and volatility in the positive sense] but the opportunity for deeper, for meaningful and spiritual time together never occurs.

[TonyToneTone]

I LOVE IT when this happens. Isn't it amazing? You meet someone and for that night or few days or whatever there is that super strong connection. Everything feels so real and vibrant. Thank you for this thread.

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by Minds Eye

I think this has to do with the different stages of relationships.

Most relationships go through the phases of romance, power struggle, integration, creativity. The type of relationship you are talking about never leaves the romance stage, since it doesn't get a chance to! It's just like any other relationship where the first couple of months is magical. Your imagination is painting a picture of the character you want this person to be, and isn't concerned with the reality that will eventually unfold.

It's a stage of extreme excitement [and volatility in the positive sense] but the opportunity for deeper, for meaningful and spiritual time together never occurs.

Yeah, I sometimes joke to people that I will always like them as long as I never really get to know them.

I just finished reading The Outsiders which features the Robert Frost poem:

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

The story in the book interprets the poem to mean that each person lets life fade away from them. Don't ever stop looking at sunsets is a quote in the book and the meaning is don't let sunsets become old, routine, and boring. Appreciate them for the magic they are.

Most relationships go through the phases of romance, power struggle, integration, creativity.

I like when I read this, because it defined the way I felt about most relationships I have had. I still believe that your quote is true, but another part of me wants to think the opposite. That the reality is people and experiences in our life are new, ever new, and seeing them as routine and boring is the fiction we somehow fall in to.

[Minds Eye]

Boreas, is it the case though that moving through the stages of a relationship needs to be boring?

I remember when I first met my wife, it was pure excitement. The romance was high. The power struggle phase has been quite intense as well, lots more ups and downs, appreciations plus disappointments, etc. Now that we are entering the stage of integration, it's quite phenomenal. It's more exciting than ever to feel like you are truly evolving with a person at the level of acceptance and joint responsibility.

I hear what you are saying, but I also wonder if everything is new anyway since each stage is unlike the previous one.