Loneliness in Influence

[mtrimpe]

I have a serious question for everybody here.

I while ago I developed a truly powerful state of mind. Let's say I was fully immersed in subjective reality, on the border of the consciousness levels of joy and peace. I since let go and slipped down quite a bit, but what I found very, very disturbing when I was in that state was the immense influence I had on people.

It was as though everyone's state around me was flexible like wax in my hands. I could mold them, their reactions and what I would have considered to be their identity effortlessly. If I wanted a person to smile they would smile, if I wanted someone to cry they would cry, if I wanted someone to feel good about themselves they did, if I wanted them to feel hurt they did.

Although the state itself felt really good, I noticed that I suddenly felt very much alone. I felt like there suddenly were no other people anymore, there was just 'me' and whenever I would encounter something I couldn't control it would very quickly become a part of 'me'. It felt like I was the only one in this entire universe.

Now, after having been out of that state for almost a year I look back and wonder if there was 'something wrong' with that state, if there was 'something wrong' with having so much influence, or if I simply faced an existential truth; that I am alone; and that I was afraid of truly facing it.

I would LOVE to hear how people here feel about what I've described above.

Does anyone recognize it?

[Michael Chui]

I have heard of this before, but I have no answers for you, since I haven't attained it myself. It's something I'm working on.

You've made two mistakes:

1) "It felt like I was the only one in this entire universe."

You divorce the universe from yourself. This is incorrect.

2) "if I simply faced an existential truth; that I am alone; and that I was afraid of truly facing it."

Take a look at some of the Hindu creation stories. The one I am aware of goes like this:

In the beginning there was a single soul. This soul looked around, and saw nothing but itself. It exclaimed: 'Here I am! , From that moment the concept '1' came into existence. Realizing it was alone, this entity became afraid. Then it thought: 'Why should I be afraid, when there is no one but me?' So its fear subsided.

Yet, since pleasure can only be enjoyed in company, this soul lacked all pleasure. Thus it wanted a companion. It was as large as a man and a woman embracing. So it split into two, becoming a husband and a wife. That is why it is said that a husband and wife are two halves of a single being.

I got that here, but I read it in Joseph Campbell's Oriental Mythology first.

Are you alone? Why are you only you? Why are you not many? People are not the Other; they are also you.

Pronouns... annoyingly slippery when describing the concept of identity.

[Lychee]

It was as though everyone's state around me was flexible like wax in my hands. I could mold them, their reactions and what I would have considered to be their identity effortlessly. If I wanted a person to smile they would smile, if I wanted someone to cry they would cry, if I wanted someone to feel good about themselves they did, if I wanted them to feel hurt they did.

Could you elaborate on this?

[natopoto11]

I too have experienced this feeling. When everything becomes transparent and there are no more mysteries. I became depressed because I felt that everything lacked meaning. There was no higher purpose to attain.

What I learned was that I needed to go through a transition in roles. The transition from childhood to adulthood. When you were a child, you took from others. You depended on others for your survival. Now is your turn to provide value for others. They depend on you now. You are their leader and they look to you for security.

I recently finished writing a short book on the subject (about 30 pages). If you are interested, I could email it to you.

[Steve Pavlina]

I'm familiar with this state. At first it can freak you out a bit, but if you progress through and beyond it, it gives way to a feeling of total oneness. Yes, you are technically alone, but if you turn your gaze inward you will find perfection and completeness there. Instead of feeling alone with yourself, you begin to feel at peace with your Self.

When you examine your Self from the inside, you realize your consciousness is a wondrous and beautiful thing and nothing could be better than spending an eternity exploring its interior richness. At this point instead of striving to reach a "better" place, you realize that right now, you are already in heaven, and your purpose is to delight in the exploration and the experience of it by giving yourself completely to the present moment.

Perhaps the best way to describe this state would be: ridiculous happiness.

[mtrimpe]

Thank you all for your replies. I apologize for the lateness of the reply, but there was no internet at my hotel. I spent the weekend in a Persuasion Seminar in Orlando, Florida.

@Chui: Thank you for your answer. The Hindu story is beautiful.

@Lychee: Of course I can elaborate. I can show you your side of the experience.
I know you probably have a friends that you really like, someone who's really happy and whom you really enjoy being around. Imagine that you're at a slightly boring party all alone and suddenly this friend taps you on the shoulder. You look around, recognize him and instantly your whole mood changes. Within seconds you become happy, start enjoying yourself and have a good time.
Now imagine that a complete stranger does the same. A complete stranger taps you on the shoulder. You look around and there's something about this person that just makes you smile. He starts talking to you and you light up inside, while a few minutes ago you were still really bored.
When I was in that state, I was that stranger. I could look at people and their boredom or ''negative'' states, wouldn't last for more than a few seconds, and almost instantly they would become like 'me'; happy, joyful, cheerful and a tad ironic

@natopoto11: I would love the book. Even though I haven't connected these two experiences yet, I do know that right now I am in the transition of roles you described.

@Steve: Perfection and completeness. Those two words hit home. I realize that in that state I was afraid that somehow I couldn't find everything in there. I believed there needed to be 'others' to find completeness.
I can also confirm that in that state there really is no 'better'. I don't believe the word 'improvement' ever popped into my mind.