How to Dominate a Woman

[MidasGirl]

Now that you're here.........

With all the talk of Domination and submission around here, I've seen some guys indicate they like the thought of being with a woman who wants to be submissive. Here's a nice article to give you an idea how.

[Liz Caitlin]

I am incredibly amused by my reaction to this article. I absolutely hated it...yet I recently became a *very* submissive woman myself.

I think it's because articles like this assume the woman wants to be dominated & are about trying to manipulate her into being submissive? So many men who want to be dominant that I see in forums or in real life have this attitude that all women should automatically submit to them from the get-go, whereas I personally think a woman's submission very much has to be *earned*. In fact, men like that never fail to turn me off - which again is so ironic because I'm loving exploring my submissive side!

Also, I was submissive in bed long before I was ever submissive in the rest of our relationship, so the article was backwards for me.

Now I'm dying to hear from other people...what WOULD you say to a guy who wants to be dominant? I can't imagine trying to advise him on how to get a woman to submit...the very idea makes my skin crawl. Exploring this mental block should be fun, though...

[Piercetheveil]

I will reply to this tomorrow. To tired tonight. If, of course, this thread this still lives.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Liz Caitlin

Exploring this mental block should be fun, though...

Funny how the concept of being "submissive" can trigger old gunk (as Angela calls it). The article is probably for men who wish to be dominant but have trouble getting their women to be submissive. I can think of at least one person posting that sentiment here when Steve talked about it. I think some men (eg Steve -judging based on his posts) are already smart enough to know that the way to get a woman to let go is to treat her with respect and courtesy.

[Gracestars]

Hmmm.. the article suggests that women who are submissive in bed tend to be submissive outside of the bedroom also. I know the opposite to be true.

Find a "strong" woman. Your chances are good then. Problem solved!

[blossom]

Was the article written by a man I wonder?

I just checked and it was a woman...strange, she must be from another planet to the one we're on I think.

[MidasGirl]

Really? Interesting responses so far. Although I agree with Gracestar's comment (there's no correlation between submissiveness as a person and submissiveness in the bedroom) I thought she made some pretty good points. What irks you about it?

[Piercetheveil]

I am a very dominate guy. It takes a very strong woman to even attract me. We all have submissive sides to us, btw.

I like the dance that goes on between the two.

I am not much of a constant role play D/s guy. I Like finding the beat and dancing to it. I am short on time so again, more later, but I have found it takes a massively strong woman that hands me trust (which is precious and beautiful) in order for her to submit in areas to me. I take that role very very seriously and with responsibility. For many it is a way to heal some BS that has gone on in the past.

Oh, and you can keep all the dungeon and dragon cheesy role play **** for those that like dressing up in mom and dad's clothes. That stuff bores me and often I make fun of it. To each their own though.

I am a more 24 hour a day guy.

More later...

[aelle]

Studies have shown that AskMen.com is responsible for 27% of the eyerolling on the internet... Maybe I have developped low standards by now, but this article was surprisingly not as bad as I expected. More like, duh! Treating your partner with respect and without sexism is your best shot at getting a pleasant relationship? Really?

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by aelle

Studies have shown that AskMen.com is responsible for 27% of the eyerolling on the internet... Maybe I have developped low standards by now, but this article was surprisingly not as bad as I expected. More like, duh! Treating your partner with respect and without sexism is your best shot at getting a pleasant relationship? Really?

Yeah I wouldn't turn to AskMen.com for any practical relationship and/or other advice.

[rei]

i like that the article brings up respect and equality as natural ways to get a woman to be submissive in bed.

i thought it was weird that the author mentioned something about a female brand of intelligence - sounds like that is perpetuating the stereotypical notion of a woman as incapable of rational thought.

i also think the article is helpful in showing men that the need to control a woman means you aren't really being dominant to begin with. it's not logical to expect a woman to naturally submit to you if you're not authentically dominant in the first place. being secure in your personal power is healthy and attractive.

i'd be interested in resources about matching D/s preferences outside the bedroom with bedroom behavior. or articles about the flip side, women getting men to dominate them when those men aren't naturally dominant.

[Plato]

How do I dominate tea-tree oil. That's the question I want answering.

[Brutha]

i also think the article is helpful in showing men that the need to control a woman means you aren't really being dominant in the first place - so it's not logical to expect a woman to naturally submit to you if you're not authentically dominant in the first place. being secure in your personal power is healthy and attractive.

I don't think that the article actually makes the case that being secure in your personal power is central.
If it would be a good article it would make that case but it isn't.

i thought it was weird that the author mentioned something about a female brand of intelligence

I don't think that's what she meant.
I think "Respecting women's intelligence and treating them like women should not be thought of as mutually exclusive ways of thinking." is supposed to mean that men should respect that women might also be intelligent. To me that sentence doesn't suggest that women are incapable of rational thought.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Brutha

I don't think that the article actually makes the case that being secure in your personal power is central.
If it would be a good article it would make that case but it isn't.
I don't think that's what she meant.

i think she was speaking to that idea with this statement:
"That's right: Treat her as an equal and she will happily submit to your wishes. Why? Treating her as an equal shows that you're so confident in your masculinity that you're not threatened by a smart woman."

Originally Posted by Brutha

I think "Respecting women's intelligence and treating them like women should not be thought of as mutually exclusive ways of thinking." is supposed to mean that men should respect that women might also be intelligent. To me that sentence doesn't suggest that women are incapable of rational thought.

i was referring to this:
"If you treat her with respect and understand that her female brand of intelligence is just as valid as your own, she won't ever feel the need to assert her power, as it will be understood." other parts of the article frame it as women are intelligent, but that particular statement seems to partly perpetuate the stereotype about women and rationality. contradictory, yes, but that is still what i saw as possibly going on.

[Brutha]

"That's right: Treat her as an equal and she will happily submit to your wishes. Why? Treating her as an equal shows that you're so confident in your masculinity that you're not threatened by a smart woman."

Being confident is something different than trying to appear confident.

If a man isn't sure of himself and therefore doesn't treat a woman equally he won't solve his insecurity problem by treating the woman equally.
There are stereotypical nice guys who try to hide their insecurity by always thinking about trying to treat woman equally.
Those behaviors are symptoms of insecurity instead of being the cause.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Being confident is something different than trying to appear confident.

If a man isn't sure of himself and therefore doesn't treat a woman equally he won't solve his insecurity problem by treating the woman equally.
There are stereotypical nice guys who try to hide their insecurity by always thinking about trying to treat woman equally.
Those behaviors are symptoms of insecurity instead of being the cause.

i agree with you.

the author is saying, if you DO treat her as an equal, then you're probably confident enough in your power to handle a smart woman.

the article does assume, though, that you won't treat someone as an equal unless you really see them as an equal. in my experience, that has been true. in my experience, there's a difference in someone treating me as an equal, and putting effort into treating me as an equal. the article isn't about insecurity, but that's a valid piece of the puzzle.

the statement from article is not about trying to treat a woman as an equal. it's about actually doing it.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by blossom

I just checked and it was a woman...strange, she must be from another planet to the one we're on I think.

Maybe she's from Venus.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by rei

i'd be interested in resources about matching D/s preferences outside the bedroom with bedroom behavior. or articles about the flip side, women getting men to dominate them when those men aren't naturally dominant.

Ahhhh, rei, now this is an interesting question! As someone who has tended in the past to be attracted to creative, slightly fem, music nerds and arty types, I've found that they haven't always been dominate in the bedroom. Compatibility doesn't always translate in this instance. Have you had the same experience?

[rei]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

Ahhhh, rei, now this is an interesting question! As someone who has tended in the past to be attracted to creative, slightly fem, music nerds and arty types, I've found that they haven't always been dominate in the bedroom. Compatibility doesn't always translate in this instance. Have you had the same experience?

yes i have, but it's still new to me. usually the femish-artsy-nerdy type would want me whatever way i wanted him to have me

i think that's so interesting though, since women who are more dominant outside the bedroom are often more submissive in bed, i would think the more submissive man would tend to be dominant in bed. obviously that is faulty logic though.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by rei

yes i have, but it's still new to me. usually the femish-artsy-nerdy type would want me whatever way i wanted him to have me

i think that's so interesting though, since women who are more dominant outside the bedroom are often more submissive in bed, i would think the more submissive man would tend to be dominant in bed. obviously that is faulty logic though.

LOL. point taken. The particular femish-artsy-music-nerd I have in mind is also very cool and very smooth! lol. So maybe I've put him into too much of a box. Then again, I think they can want to be had any way, or to take in any way, but actually pulling that off in a way that is natural to them might be another story.

[blossom]

Pretty much the same as what gracestars and Liz caitlan pointed out. She seemed to be suggesting that we all secretly want this in our lives as well as in the bedroom, and teaching tactics towards achieving this just comes off sounding like somesort of PUA manipulations, but then, (I've heard that PUA also has some good stuff, so I can't write it off totally). That's how I read it anyway...but I do realise that I have only picked out the point that irked me, and neglected to mention the parts that did make sense, which isn't totally a balanced view.
I think I have a natural tendency to write these sort of articles off...which probably isn't helpful. I will read it through again and see what comes up this time!

Elrond: So anyone who doesn't easily submit to a man must be a dyke or somehow not feminine? You must be from Mars.

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Really? Interesting responses so far. Although I agree with Gracestar's comment (there's no correlation between submissiveness as a person and submissiveness in the bedroom) I thought she made some pretty good points. What irks you about it?

[Vibration]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Being confident is something different than trying to appear confident.

I agree. If your a man and you want to be dominant in your (sexual/whatever) relationship, I don't think you're supposed to ask for permission

My wife is dominant in some areas, anytime she knows she's better than me in something, like when it comes to taking care of children and medical stuff (she's a nurse), and she likes it (I think) when I take over when it comes to something I'm better at.

We don't ask for permission; we handle it.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by blossom

Elrond: So anyone who doesn't easily submit to a man must be a dyke or somehow not feminine? You must be from Mars.

It was a joke, don't be so serious.

[blossom]

Originally Posted by Elrond

It was a joke, don't be so serious.

Usually using the emoticon helps to indicate when you are joking!

It sounded like you were saying that she must be from Venus, the planet where women come from...and seeing as I said in the earlier post that she must be from another planet to the rest of us...well, can you see why I would interpret what you said as you trying to allude to her being more female and anyone who doesn't think the same way as she does must not be a real woman! Maybe I misinterpreted it, but that's the message I got from your words.

In this case though , I don't think you were really joking.

It sounded more like a subtle put down under the guise of what you are now saying is a joke...which is actually quite dominating behaviour... pretty relevant to this thread really!

But you stick to your story if you think it works for you

[James81]

Originally Posted by blossom

Usually using the emoticon helps to indicate when you are joking!

It sounded like you were saying that she must be from Venus, the planet where women come from...and seeing as I said in the earlier post that she must be from another planet to the rest of us...well, can you see why I would interpret what you said as you trying to allude to her being more female and anyone who doesn't think the same way as she does must not be a real woman! Maybe I misinterpreted it, but that's the message I got from your words.

In this case though , I don't think you were really joking.

It sounded more like a subtle put down under the guise of what you are now saying is a joke...which is actually quite dominating behaviour... pretty relevant to this thread really!

But you stick to your story if you think it works for you

I'm pretty sure he was just referencing the majorly and wildly popular book title by John Grey, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It's a popular enough book that I think most people could very easily see that he was joking and thus a little smiley was not really necessary. lol

In other words, take a look at your reaction to his post because that's more telling and informative than HIS post. (Not getting on your case here, I'm just trying to show you that yours might have been a bit of an overreaction...something that I see pretty frequently from you when it comes to this particular subject--i.e. that of "men vs. women")

[munish]

I think David shade's "BOHIS "bring out her inner slut program is a good start.

There he has explained this in detail.

This is all about using tactics , like hypnosis,NLP .

I have found most of the writers, businessman, use these tactics as well.

[rei]

Originally Posted by munish

I think David shade's "BOHIS "bring out her inner slut program is a good start.

There he has explained this in detail.

This is all about using tactics , like hypnosis,NLP .

I have found most of the writers, businessman, use these tactics as well.

creep city man.

no, i'm not anti-PUA. but this is a lovely example of why it gets a bad rap.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by blossom

In this case though , I don't think you were really joking.

It sounded more like a subtle put down under the guise of what you are now saying is a joke...which is actually quite dominating behaviour... pretty relevant to this thread really!

Well if it really was intended as a put-down then what exactly would you have to be offended about, anyway? I mean you originally said the author was from another planet, so wouldn't the author have much more to be offended by than you do?

I'm not challenging you here, just found your response a bit overboard.

In other words; nothing personal, but it seems you read A LOT more into it, than what was really in it. If you hadn't said all of that afterwards, it would've sounded more like, you were joking, and he was joking.

[Magicinthenight]

I think the article sounds like a lot of "I'm doing this only so I can get you to do that", and in a sexual context that can be a big turn off. Shouldn't things like respect etc. come naturally, not as a package deal because that would make it easier for the man to get his woman to be submit to his dominance?

My advice for anyone who wants a submissive partner in bed would be to find a person who enjoys being submissive in bed. That's why I think Steve went about it the right way: he advertised he wanted to explore being dominant and therefore got a response from a woman who wanted to explore being submissive.

[Liz Caitlin]

Originally Posted by Magicinthenight

I think the article sounds like a lot of "I'm doing this only so I can get you to do that", and in a sexual context that can be a big turn off. Shouldn't things like respect etc. come naturally, not as a package deal because that would make it easier for the man to get his woman to be submit to his dominance?

My advice for anyone who wants a submissive partner in bed would be to find a person who enjoys being submissive in bed. That's why I think Steve went about it the right way: he advertised he wanted to explore being dominant and therefore got a response from a woman who wanted to explore being submissive.

Exactly. I don't get why he has to trick her into being submissive. Open communication is far better than manipulating your partner into doing what you want, no matter what your intended desire is.

I think that's why I can't stand some self-labeled dominant men. They assume from the get-go that all women have a secret submissive side & they can bring it out if they're dominant and bossy enough. Instead of assuming that, why not just search specifically for submissive women, as you just suggested...

I guess that's why even the title of this thread bothers me. It's like you're going out to tame a horse and here are some specific instructions on how to do that...saddle up, boys! *ugh*