I Don't Have a Community

[CroMagna]

I don't fit into the black community so I'm on the hunt for a new community. I came close but it turns out the community is racist and wants nothing to do with blacks (many of them are "white nationalists"). Maybe I should just develop comfort in being alone?

[SnerpGoodWord]

I think you might be defining "community" in a narrow way. I don't think you have to plug into an existing group of people in order to avoid being lonely. You just need to find individuals you're compatible with. There are plenty of people I'm friends with where I'm not 100% OK with all of their friends and acquaintances.

Also, I deduce from your post (perhaps wrongly) that you're at least part black, and have just had some sort of experience hanging out with racists. I guess I would just say there's no need to do that.

[Johnny Skosnik]

1. Decide what you like to do.
2. Find organizations based on what you like to do.
3. Go to them.
4. Introduce yourself to the people there. Volunteer to help.
5. Repeat.

And FFS don't limit your options to superficial crap like skin color. That's like me saying "I drive a Chevy but I don't fit into the Chevy community so I looked into the Ford community but they're all jerks so I'll just be alone the rest of my life.

[CroMagna]

I'm looking for a community that will help me deal with how I become very distressed and obsessed with offensiveness towards women. That community I mentioned earlier would have been a good fit because they feel just as strongly opposed to misogyny as I do. For example, they don't listen to rap music and treat it with disdain. I consider that very empowering. They don't hate it because they won't let hatred take over. Disdain is the best revenge. Because I'm black I have always been exposed to people who love rap or at least really like it. Most other black people are accomodationists about the misogyny of rap music. My old friends will acknowledge that it's bad but then call themselves "hip hop intellectuals" (WTF? On what planet do people get away with this type of stuff?) I notice (as one of the community members pointed out) that words like b and h are irrevelant to them because whites don't really use those words.

I could join a feminist community but they are also accomodationist when it comes to sexism on the part of non-whites, so I have nothing to do with feminism. For example there was supposed to be a domestic violence campaign during the OJ Trial led by Tammy Bruce but the National Org for Women said no because OJ is supposedly a role model to young black men. Tammy Bruce called feminists "water carriers".

It would be nice to stand in solidarity with someone about these issues. Even if there's nothing we can really do, we would at least all feel the same way.

[BitterFlower]

Originally Posted by SnerpGoodWord

I think you might be defining "community" in a narrow way. I don't think you have to plug into an existing group of people in order to avoid being lonely. You just need to find individuals you're compatible with. There are plenty of people I'm friends with where I'm not 100% OK with all of their friends and acquaintances.

Also, I deduce from your post (perhaps wrongly) that you're at least part black, and have just had some sort of experience hanging out with racists. I guess I would just say there's no need to do that.

Cosign 100%.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I'm looking for a community that will help me deal with how I become very distressed and obsessed with offensiveness towards women.

See Snerp's post. I think this might be a personal issue for you to get over with, maybe with a few friends, but looking for a "community" to help you can possibly lead you into the wrong hands, like before *shudders*.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

That community I mentioned earlier would have been a good fit because they feel just as strongly opposed to misogyny as I do. For example, they don't listen to rap music and treat it with disdain. I consider that very empowering. They don't hate it because they won't let hatred take over. Disdain is the best revenge. Because I'm black I have always been exposed to people who love rap or at least really like it. Most other black people are accomodationists about the misogyny of rap music. My old friends will acknowledge that it's bad but then call themselves "hip hop intellectuals" (WTF? On what planet do people get away with this type of stuff?) I notice (as one of the community members pointed out) that words like b and h are irrevelant to them because whites don't really use those words.

Not touching that with a 10 foot pole (for now), but don't be fooled, whites say "B", "H" (moreso whore), and even "C". Watch Superbad for 5 minutes and google "you crazy B" (popular song around these parts). Misogyny can be found everywhere, just not in "rap music" by "black people".

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I could join a feminist community but they are also accomodationist when it comes to sexism on the part of non-whites, so I have nothing to do with feminism. For example there was supposed to be a domestic violence campaign during the OJ Trial led by Tammy Bruce but the National Org for Women said no because OJ is supposedly a role model to young black men. Tammy Bruce called feminists "water carriers".

I believe that feminism, in its historical context, was not about helping black women, or even ridding the world of misogyny. It was about giving women equal rights and equal opporunity to work. Now, as with everything these days, it has split into many branches, and you just have to find what works for you, although don't look for it to solve all of your personal problems. Google "womanist", especially related to Alice Walker and Nikki Giovanni to see an example of African-American-related feminism.

Originally Posted by CroMagna

It would be nice to stand in solidarity with someone about these issues. Even if there's nothing we can really do, we would at least all feel the same way.

This brings me back to Snerp's post. I think you would be better served collecting individual friends online and offline that feel the way you do but are not necessarily related to each other. Create your own "Cro-Magna" community and you can choose which qualities your associates have (i.e. anti-misogyny) and don't have (no racists).

Hope to help.

[CroMagna]

That helped tremendously, thanks. I don't have anything to add because that was so good.

[MidasGirl]

Cro, I've noticed that you seem to be struggling with this race issue quite a bit. Have you ever wondered what you are doing to contribute to that struggle?

As long as you keep seeing peoples' races first, you will continue to alienate yourself in this way. I'm black too and I never seem to have my blackness be an issue in my life, at least 99% of the time. Or maybe it might be to some people but I never notice it. Heck I never remember I'm black until I look in the mirror.(does that count as a racist joke?)

Anyway, my point is that how you seem to be constantly complaining about racism quite a lot, yet I know people that live where you do (DC right?) and they are doing just fine race-wise. You get what you focus on. I for one join communities that share my interests, and I never give any thought to ones that don't, regardless of the color of skin of the people involved.

Maybe when you start seeing people as humans and not races, you'll have a community.

[Cochonette]

You should come to the feminist events at my university. The feminist group here is pretty cool.

[Liz Caitlin]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I don't fit into the black community so I'm on the hunt for a new community. I came close but it turns out the community is racist and wants nothing to do with blacks (many of them are "white nationalists"). Maybe I should just develop comfort in being alone?

If it makes you feel better, I don't feel like I have a community right now for reasons that have nothing to do with race. In my case, it's incredibly hard to find people who share the same values as me or who think the way I do.

Anyway, I guess I can't imagine seeing communities in terms of race or even assume that I'm joining an entire race's community because most of my friends are predominantly of one race. I'm white and so of course I don't have the same perspective as you, but I've had friends of so many different cultural backgrounds and it was never race that defined us as a community or group of friends...it was our common interests and goals. I would suggest joining a club that interests you or volunteering or something like that...find like-minded people, not people of the same race, if that makes sense.