A woman Advantage?

[smilingaway]

I think a lot of my self esteem is undermined by me feeling like I am deficient because I am a woman.

In general, men outscore women on most IQ tests, they are physically stronger, they have higher spatial-temporal reasoning (accounts for mathematics, sciences, arts, engineering, and architecture).

Even cooking...a woman's specialty is dominated by men who are the best chefs in the world.

Women only have a slight advantage in communication skills and nurturing children.

As a human species, women are definitely the vulnerable, weak, and less intelligent of the two.

I find myself wanting to think like a man in order to feel acceptable. I do feel men are better and while there are some aspects I enjoy about my womanhood, I don't feel I can make much influence and impact by it.

It's a man's world, after all.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Since the facts are true, how can I not feel that men are better than women?

[ArthurHung]

Hmm, may I ask a question... do you sometimes feel like a victim?

I often observe, and I don't consider these facts, simply observations, that women have an almost overwhelming advantage in communication ability over men. Women generally are more intuitive, smart enough to take advantage of mixing "illogic and logic" in arguments, and can win arguments simply by expressing emotion in an expressive way.

Nurturing children, and there are exceptions, I find that children trust women more to do what's right for them and to take care of them.

You classified vulnerable and weak together. I often think that being capable of vulnerability is strong, whether taken up by a women or a man, because it often leads to greater trust, deeper friendships, faster friendships, more openness to opportunities... etc.

I feel that if you were to more appreciate the power of feminine energy, which is primarily an encouraging type energy to others to do what they love and to be what they are to the best person that they can be, you would quickly realize that feminine energy is generally super effective in most situations, circumstances and FUN!!

Appreciate what you have, and see that it will work wonders for you

[smilingaway]

Originally Posted by ArthurHung

Hmm, may I ask a question... do you sometimes feel like a victim?

I often observe, and I don't consider these facts, simply observations, that women have an almost overwhelming advantage in communication ability over men. Women generally are more intuitive, smart enough to take advantage of mixing "illogic and logic" in arguments, and can win arguments simply by expressing emotion in an expressive way.

Nurturing children, and there are exceptions, I find that children trust women more to do what's right for them and to take care of them.

You classified vulnerable and weak together. I often think that being capable of vulnerability is strong, whether taken up by a women or a man, because it often leads to greater trust, deeper friendships, faster friendships, more openness to opportunities... etc.

I feel that if you were to more appreciate the power of feminine energy, which is primarily an encouraging type energy to others to do what they love and to be what they are to the best person that they can be, you would quickly realize that feminine energy is generally super effective in most situations, circumstances and FUN!!

Appreciate what you have, and see that it will work wonders for you

Thanks for your post. sure, I sometimes feel like a victim and I agree that feminine energy can be effective and useful.

I just feel I could do more with the mind of a man. As a woman, I feel too much and care too much (yes, it can be a problem!)

[rei]

Originally Posted by smilingaway

I think a lot of my self esteem is undermined by me feeling like I am deficient because I am a woman.

In general, men outscore women on most IQ tests, they are physically stronger, they have higher spatial-temporal reasoning (accounts for mathematics, sciences, arts, engineering, and architecture).

Even cooking...a woman's specialty is dominated by men who are the best chefs in the world.

Women only have a slight advantage in communication skills and nurturing children.

As a human species, women are definitely the vulnerable, weak, and less intelligent of the two.

I find myself wanting to think like a man in order to feel acceptable. I do feel men are better and while there are some aspects I enjoy about my womanhood, I don't feel I can make much influence and impact by it.

It's a man's world, after all.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Since the facts are true, how can I not feel that men are better than women?

aww, it was hard to read this....

i do not think either gender is better than the other. studies have shown things like IQ tests are biased toward the dominant culture - in this case, it is not just caucasians. it is also white males who are from the middle or upper class. males have historically been treated like they are 'smarter' which means they tend to be more confident in their skills. in other words, it is very difficult to separate nature and nurture in these issues - people are not in a vacuum, they are products of the environment as well - even if there are differences in brain structure, those could be the way the brain grows or changes due to environmental influences. the brain is highly plastic.

i would not think the communication skills of women are only slightly better. where are the multiple studies (initial and replication of the findings) that say this? and are those studies designed to adjust for the difference in opportunity and other sociological factors?

women tend to have higher emotional intelligence, and studies show in many, many industries and fields, this means you have better outcomes in your career. women are generally better at being empathetic, active listening, etc.

i agree with Arthur, it takes incredible courage and strength to express our vulnerability. especially since our culture has furthered the belief that strength is stoic.

women can also be quite strong with critical thinking and logic, we are not always irrational and hysterical.

i would explore what the female scientists have offered on this topic. i would also keep in mind these findings are all about trends and generalities - there are people of both genders who go against the statistical tendencies. in that respect, it is limiting to assume we fall within the statistical norms.

women are also generally better at juggling a lot of things at once. we tend to pursue a career, then get home and do a majority of the cooking/cleaning/child-rearing. it is an incredible feat, how these women juggle so many aspects of life.

plus there is that great Faith Whittlesey quote, which speaks to more than just the surface activity she's talking about...

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.

[smilingaway]

Originally Posted by rei

aww, it was hard to read this....

i do not think either gender is better than the other. studies have shown things like IQ tests are biased toward the dominant culture - in this case, it is not just caucasians. it is also white males who are from the middle or upper class. males have historically been treated like they are 'smarter' which means they tend to be more confident in their skills. in other words, it is very difficult to separate nature and nurture in these issues - people are not in a vacuum, they are products of the environment as well - even if there are differences in brain structure, those could be the way the brain grows or changes due to environmental influences. the brain is highly plastic.

i would not think the communication skills of women are only slightly better. where are the multiple studies (initial and replication of the findings) that say this? and are those studies designed to adjust for the difference in opportunity and other sociological factors?

women tend to have higher emotional intelligence, and studies show in many, many industries and fields, this means you have better outcomes in your career. women are generally better at being empathetic, active listening, etc.

i agree with Arthur, it takes incredible courage and strength to express our vulnerability. especially since our culture has furthered the belief that strength is stoic.

women can also be quite strong with critical thinking and logic, we are not always irrational and hysterical.

i would explore what the female scientists have offered on this topic. i would also keep in mind these findings are all about trends and generalities - there are people of both genders who go against the statistical tendencies. in that respect, it is limiting to assume we fall within the statistical norms.

women are also generally better at juggling a lot of things at once. we tend to pursue a career, then get home and do a majority of the cooking/cleaning/child-rearing. it is an incredible feat, how these women juggle so many aspects of life.

plus there is that great Faith Whittlesey quote, which speaks to more than just the surface activity she's talking about...

thanks for the post. Do you think there are differences with the male and female brain?

Sure, the enviornment and self fulfilling prophesies are taken into account but I think both men and woman are primarily founded by their hormones and brain structure.

[rei]

Originally Posted by smilingaway

thanks for the post. Do you think there are differences with the male and female brain?

Sure, the enviornment and self fulfilling prophesies are taken into account but I think both men and woman are primarily founded by their hormones and brain structure.

i would not want to limit myself by deciding there are fundamentally significant differences in brain structure. especially in a conversation with someone who's letting her self-esteem be affected by thoughts like that.

how would it serve you if you did find out there are major differences? would that really help you become more accepting of yourself and inspired to be your authentically awesome self?

even if our hormones matter, we are still more than that. a person who is feeling the urge to mate with someone, and who waits until it is not so urgent, proves we are not run by our hormones regardless of our gender. they play a part in our behavior but they are not in charge of us.

[Brutha]

Don't live your life by making excuses for your mistakes.

Your issue has nothing to do with your own gender but all to do with your own self confidence.
It makes no sense to limit yourself by embracing limiting beliefs about your own gender.
If you want to develop world class skills, whether you are a female or a male, you actually have to spend your time practicing skills instead of making excuses.

Whether other woman are on average intelligent is insignificant for your own success.

[Indiana]

Anyone else ever feel like this? Since the facts are true, how can I not feel that men are better than women?

'Facts' are funny things. They're pretty hard to pin down, especially in complex and relatively new areas like comparative gender intelligence studies. You're so convinced that the 'facts' clearly show men to be smarter, but a quick Google search on the keywords 'male female intelligence' shows a vast range of studies and articles, most of which, as far as I could see, concluded there was little to no difference in general cognitive ability between the sexes. So it's interesting that you've decided to embrace the interpretation you have. Why do you think that is?

Either way, generalised statistics essentially make no difference to you as an individual, nor indicate the value of what you might do in your lifetime. The existence of men with the same or greater intelligence than me does not stop me working to my full potential and achieving at the same or greater level than them.

Plus, I'm sure there are geniuses stocking shelves at supermarkets who haven't had the life or educational opportunities as I have and won't achieve as much in life, and near-morons who have significantly greater social and financial opportunities than I have and who will be better remembered in history than I will. Social factors make more of a difference than gender.

From a physical point of view, I don't often feel incapacitated by being a woman. Men in general are bigger and stronger, but apart from being able to perform spectacular feats of physical brawn, I don't think it makes much difference in modern life. We live in a technologically driven world. I'm not going to die because I can't outrun a lion faster than a man; I'm just going to jump in my 4WD and get the hell out of there.

Sir Edmund Hillary may have been the first person to climb Everest, and a man, but plenty of women have climbed it since. So it's not that women are physically unable to achieve such feats. They just have to believe they can, and live in a society that endorses women to try such things.

It does annoy me that because of women's smaller physical size I have to take greater care with my own personal safety than men do – where I go by myself and at what time, what I might be wearing, not being intoxicated, etc, in a way that men do not (generally). And it further annoys me that if I don't do all that and I am attacked or raped, then a lot of people will see me as having colluded in my own victimhood in a way a man wouldn't ("Well, she shouldn't have been drunk/wearing that dress/out running by herself") when really, the full responsibility for the situation rests with the attacker.*

There is an advertisement running on television in my country that is meant to discourage excessive alcohol consumption. In it, a young woman gets drunk in a bar with friends, and then stumbles off with a man who appears to be a sinister character, and as the ad cuts to black, you hear the young woman screaming. The message is 'Don't get drunk or bad things might happen to you'. The ad makes me wonder where the corresponding 'Don't rape women; it's bad' public education campaign is. Do we think it wouldn't be effective because men are less in control of their behaviour choices than women? That seems rather belittling to men, I think. We have campaigns against child abuse, why not rape?

Anyway, I digress, somewhat!

As others have noted, you've chosen your own disempowering beliefs. This will result in you achieving less than the men you see around you with about 100 percent effectiveness, leaving you only to conclude that you were right all along. Change those beliefs though, and you can achieve whatever you can imagine. Stop comparing yourself to generalised statistics; see yourself as an individual.


*To those who are about to tell me men can be raped and attacked too; I know. In this instance I'm talking as one woman to another about the female fear of physical disenfranchisment.

[Johnny Skosnik]

smilingaway: What are your goals? Where do you want to be tomorrow, next month, next year, in 2015?

You're giving your power to stereotypical views about men and women. This is an excuse based on your own fears. Forget gender preconceived notions, instead focus on what you want to accomplish and the woman you wish to be. What's holding you back? Post here, you will find many highly conscious people more than happy to help you. But if you post that you feel trapped because of what's between your legs, we will call "Bull!"

[MidasGirl]

OP, this was a really strange post to read. Why do you have such beliefs? It's a man's world in what way exactly? Excuse me but I have to say this: are you f'ing kidding me? Women carry babies in their body for 9 months, give birth, raise babies, milk their breasts, go to work and are expected to perform on the same level as men, pick kids up from school, help with homework, cook, clean, have sex with their husband -- many women are doing this all in one day. Are you f'ing kidding me? Have you not observed strong women around you? They are nothing I would call close to less intelligent than men. Where are you getting these facts?

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by smilingaway

Anyone else ever feel like this? Since the facts are true, how can I not feel that men are better than women?

Ok, now that I've calmed down, the way you can not feel this way is to get rid of the idea that you are in competition with a group of people called "men". What I mean by that is, stop comparing yourself to others, men or women. You have selectively chosen a belief that is sure to make you feel unworthy. Why would you do that?

Obviously this isn't about men being better than women, it's about you feeling unworthy, and the story you've chosen to back up your b/s (belief system) is men being better than women. Oh my gosh you just happen to be a woman, and there is a gender better than yours, so that must mean, you are unworthy.

Simply trash that belief. Just develop a new one. I like to believe that we all, as groups or individuals, have our strengths and weaknesses. It's no big deal, and is no reflection on anybody's worthy-ness, either as a group or individual.

[marinik]

Limiting beliefs. This what you have about being a woman. Neither sex is better just different and that is what makes us complete in all ways. The only problem I see is living in a male "run" society where we do play by their rules most of the time and it can become frustrating, but less and less all the time. The poor guys are now asked to be intuitive like we are in the work place, show their emotions, deal with them and what not...

So if I look at it it is becoming much harder to be a "real" man than a woman these days when I look at my kids. My 3 daughters, all grown up, are successful beautiful and very smart, my son is all of it but.... in the process of proving himself to the other "males" and then to himself... oh boy that is a tough one and the pressure of being THE alphamale is huge over here on the Balkans and being metrosexual at the same time.

[MidasGirl]

Agreed.

Reminded of this article I read recently from Oprah mag.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Agreed.

Reminded of this article I read recently from Oprah mag.

That article is weird.

First the author claims we do not live in a more equal world, but one where women have 'won', then goes on to show via statistics that although equality has improved substantially, more men than women still believe women should be primary child-carers, that women still do a greater share of housework and child care.

Then he compiles a spurious list of (male) leaders that apparently shows men are required to be more 'feminine' to succeed these days, based on no apparent formula or facts. No mention made of the fact that all these leaders are still actually men, not women, or that women leaders are often accused of being 'masculine'.

Then he says that the 'victory' of feminism is that women have more choices... then that men also face more traditional female choices... and that it sucks for men because they apparently struggle with those choices more than women do. I am left utterly confused as to the author's point. It's almost like it's a parody, but not funny.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Indiana

First the author claims we do not live in a more equal world, but one where women have 'won', then goes on to show via statistics that although equality has improved substantially, more men than women still believe women should be primary child-carers, that women still do a greater share of housework and child care.

.

I think he's trying to say that the statistics are trending towards women having 'won' (whatever war that was, I never got the memo btw). But yeah I thought it weird too and wanted to post it soon as I read but didn't have the time. I actually thought he was parodying masculinity as it was seen in the past, you know, the jerks being considered more masculine. Certainly the masculine alpha dogs he named to represent masculinity do not (IMO) give men in general a very good name. Including Carly Fiorina.

[Requiem]

Men only score higher on IQ tests by 1 or 2 points on average; it's basically trivial. And as others have pointed out, IQ tests are inherently flawed anyway.

As for men being the better cooks, the most well-known scientists and philosophers, the most well known writers and all that- consider this: Men and women both have roughly equal abilities on average, but the bell curve for men is wider. This means that there are more men at both the extreme sides- so it's more likely for a man to be mentally handicapped but also more likely for a man to have a genius IQ, or be a genius in another thing like music or cooking or something. It doesn't mean that men are better, just that their abilities are more varied, and women can certainly be at the top too (for instance, the person who currently holds the record for having the highest known IQ is a woman).

Consider also that men were responsible for some of the worst things in history. Men led most wars, most genocides, most terrorist events. Men die in car accidents more. Men commit far more violent crime. Men are less likely to be vegetarian. Don't underestimate the nurturing aspect of a women, as throughout history they have been the fairer sex in more ways than one.

Men are bigger and stronger, but it comes at a cost. Testosterone is helpful, but weakens the males in some ways overtime. Men die younger, both because of lifestyle differences (more smoking, drinking, heavy eating, violence, warfare, accidents, dangerous jobs, etc.) and also because of natural biological differences.

Originally Posted by smilingaway

thanks for the post. Do you think there are differences with the male and female brain?

Sure, the enviornment and self fulfilling prophesies are taken into account but I think both men and woman are primarily founded by their hormones and brain structure.

There are some differences in the brains. Women have more wiring between the different parts of the brain, allowing for better multitasking. Men are better at focusing on a specific thing at a time. (Generally speaking, that is, just going by the biological average.)


-peace

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Requiem

Men and women both have roughly equal abilities on average, but the bell curve for men is wider.


-peace

I wonder why this is?

[Requiem]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I wonder why this is?

I'm no scientist, but I think it's just biological. I suppose a chemical or structure or chromosome predisposes the male brain to be more likely to fall at one side of the extreme or another. It's still a bell curve, with more people being in the center, but compared with women, it's a wider bell curve.

You can find information on google if you want to look more deeply into it instead of just taking my word for it. The statistics of mental disability and genius level abilities just show that for whatever reason, males are more likely than females to be mentally handicapped or have an IQ in the genius level range.

Males are four times more likely to have autism than females, for example.
Source: Autism Fact Sheet (Child Development Institute)

According to this source, there are two men for every woman with an IQ of 125, and 5.5 men for every woman with an IQ of 155.
BBC NEWS | UK | Education | 'Men cleverer than women' claim

Measurements are of course imperfect, but there is some sort of correlation. Also, just because the male intelligence bell curve is wider doesn't mean that there aren't exceptional women. The person who supposedly has the current highest measured IQ in the world is Marilyn vos Savant, who writes for Parade Magazine.

-peace

[Brutha]

I wonder why this is?

According to the standard explanation the reason lies in the fact that women have two X-chromosomes while man have one. As a result mutations in the X chromosome have more effects on males than they have on females.

[danas]

Originally Posted by Johnny Skosnik

smilingaway: What are your goals? Where do you want to be tomorrow, next month, next year, in 2015?

You're giving your power to stereotypical views about men and women. This is an excuse based on your own fears. Forget gender preconceived notions, instead focus on what you want to accomplish and the woman you wish to be. What's holding you back? Post here, you will find many highly conscious people more than happy to help you. But if you post that you feel trapped because of what's between your legs, we will call "Bull!"

Very true!
My mother was the main bread winner in our house.
My dad picked us up from school and did our homework with us while my mom made money.
My mom had many more degrees that my dad. She was the official "genius".
My dad is very smart too, but he is more wise and spiritual, she's more academic smart
Its still like that. My Parents are divorced and my dad has remarried a woman that earns much more than he does, from a business she built on her own, and my mom is the boss of the company she built with her husband. In fact her husband doesnt even speak the language in the country where they live (My mother was fluent after year). He's a very smart guy, dont get me wrong, but before he met her, he didnt make it very far.
This the reality I saw growing up, so I have never felt less than a man, I have never had a problem building my career.
There are enough role models around to get inpired by. Why dont you focus on these role models instead of those who struggle.
Besides that I very often find that being a feminine woman helps me get what I want in life, its no way an obstacle.

[Boldnut]

Originally Posted by smilingaway

I think a lot of my self esteem is undermined by me feeling like I am deficient because I am a woman.

In general, men outscore women on most IQ tests, they are physically stronger, they have higher spatial-temporal reasoning (accounts for mathematics, sciences, arts, engineering, and architecture).

Even cooking...a woman's specialty is dominated by men who are the best chefs in the world.

Women only have a slight advantage in communication skills and nurturing children.

As a human species, women are definitely the vulnerable, weak, and less intelligent of the two.

I find myself wanting to think like a man in order to feel acceptable. I do feel men are better and while there are some aspects I enjoy about my womanhood, I don't feel I can make much influence and impact by it.

It's a man's world, after all.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Since the facts are true, how can I not feel that men are better than women?

Shiit I read the thread and thought some depressed guy feels inferior to women. I was ready make a speech how men are superior to women, but you already done that, I think I'll use this thread as a reference for that purpose in the future.

On a serious note, I don't have proper experience to advice you (and I dislike when people gives a lot of advice, without having any experience themselves - happens a lot here). But I wish you the best and hope you will find the answer in yourself and share it here!