Do online FRIENDSHIP sites exist??

[tomn8er]

I mean actual friendship sites. Not dating/friendship sites but sites that are specifically about finding and making friends, where it is acceptable to talk to other guys and not feel gay lol. This may sound rather pathetic but if finding dates or sexual hook-ups online is acceptable then why not this?

If you want to know why I'm asking such a seemingly silly question, here's a little background info for ya! I just got out of a relationship with somebody so I'm very down in the dumps right now . But this relationship helped me to realize that I don't have enough friends, or at least not enough close friends, because I was putting too much demand on my ex to provide all my needs for me. As a result she was perceiving me as selfish, which I admit I am. So it's my big goal for 2010 to develop closer friendships so I'm not so dependent on one person! Also I hope that this will help me to overcome my selfishness. And then there's the obvious question of who wouldn't want to have more and closer friendships? The only problem is, I have trouble making friends. I'm naturally a pretty shy and quiet person, but I like to have deep conversations with people. In fact, I crave it! I love that emotional/social intimacy, but I want to have this with friends too, not just romantic partners.

So that's my motivation. As for the friendship site question, I am simply curious as to whether such a type of site exists, as I have had great success with online dating sites so I figured why not extend this method into another domain if I can? Thanks for reading and I appreciate any serious replies!

[KaleidoskopicVision]

They do exist.

Let me google that for you

Just look at all those sites, only half of them dating focused!

[joyfulgrowth]

How about this one? (www.stevepavlina.com/forums)

You could start a monthly conscious growth meet-up in a local restaurant (or bar, or sports place, or your home) and advertise it here.

I know this guy who was determined to create community with like-minded people. He simply started organizing stuff and inviting the people he knew. Two years later there is a huge network of people who meet regularly for all kinds of activities, even go on holidays together. And they all pretty much have a similar view on spirituality and personal development like him.

I once had a pretty amazing experience when I made a list of acquaintances I wanted to be friends with. Within two weeks, one asked me (!) to meet because she really wanted to get to know me better, the other happily accepted my invitation for a walk and we started hanging out regularly.

In general, I find it easiest to meet people via hobbies. Like, I am really into NVC, so I meet many amazing people at NVC groups. Other people play tennis, or are into some sort of spiritual community. Others meet as young entrepreneurs, or people with a common challenge (anxiety).

What kind of people would you like to become friends with? What kind of activities or topics do you enjoy?

[scotthegeek]

years ago I found a pen pal site that was for people in jail to have pen pal and I thought that would be nice to write to people in jail because they most be very lonely and I could do so good by talking to them.

it was an eye opener, I read through many profile and they where all the same I'm innocent and I want a women to write to or merry.

I did not bother to write, and felt a bit rejected. I made feel like I was in high school again.

[tomn8er]

Originally Posted by joyfulgrowth

How about this one? (www.stevepavlina.com/forums)

You could start a monthly conscious growth meet-up in a local restaurant (or bar, or sports place, or your home) and advertise it here.

I know this guy who was determined to create community with like-minded people. He simply started organizing stuff and inviting the people he knew. Two years later there is a huge network of people who meet regularly for all kinds of activities, even go on holidays together. And they all pretty much have a similar view on spirituality and personal development like him.

That's quite an inspiring story joyfulgrowth! That's a great idea, but I feel like I don't have the social courage to pull that sort of thing off. I'm not the best in groups, I tend to prefer one-on-one or maybe groups of three or four people tops. So the thought of meeting in big groups intimidates me at this point!

I once had a pretty amazing experience when I made a list of acquaintances I wanted to be friends with. Within two weeks, one asked me (!) to meet because she really wanted to get to know me better, the other happily accepted my invitation for a walk and we started hanging out regularly.

Good for you! I say this earnestly.

In general, I find it easiest to meet people via hobbies. Like, I am really into NVC, so I meet many amazing people at NVC groups. Other people play tennis, or are into some sort of spiritual community. Others meet as young entrepreneurs, or people with a common challenge (anxiety).

Hobbies... this is a good suggestion! It's so simple and I considered this before, but I haven't taken enough initiative to act on it. I would usually be like "none of my friends play basketball so I guess I can't either" instead of just going for it and trying to meet new people on my own. Btw, what the heck is NVC???

What kind of people would you like to become friends with? What kind of activities or topics do you enjoy?

Above all, I really want friends who I can have deep conservations with. Not all the time of course, but it would be nice to have that possibility. The few friendships I have now are all rather superficial - we'll play video games, sports, go out to bars or the occasional meal or movie, and talk about girls and other mundane things, but we never get into 'real' conversations on a deeper level than that. I just feel emotionally stifled, and, especially in times like now, when I just broke up with my girlfriend, it would be amazing to have friends who I could lean on for support, instead of making crude boyish jokes about bad sex and whatnot. Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful response!

[rei]

Originally Posted by tomn8er

Btw, what the heck is NVC???

Non-Violent Communication, a method of dealing with conflict in a way that is more affirming for the folks involved.

Originally Posted by tomn8er

Above all, I really want friends who I can have deep conservations with. Not all the time of course, but it would be nice to have that possibility. The few friendships I have now are all rather superficial - we'll play video games, sports, go out to bars or the occasional meal or movie, and talk about girls and other mundane things, but we never get into 'real' conversations on a deeper level than that. I just feel emotionally stifled, and, especially in times like now, when I just broke up with my girlfriend, it would be amazing to have friends who I could lean on for support, instead of making crude boyish jokes about bad sex and whatnot. Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful response!

if you are into deep conversations, i might suggest going to a local coffee shop (or even a chain if there are no local ones around) and just spending a lazy day hanging around there. granted, i'm generalizing here, but most people i know who enjoy spending a bit of time at a coffee shop are also into deeper discussions - and often prefer smaller groups over larger ones.

agree with the hobby idea. you can also check out the meetup site (Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com) and see what sort of groups already exist in your area.

[shasah]

If you enjoy the outdoors, a suggestion would be a walk in the park or a group hike. Another possibility is taking walks near where you live (depending on where you live ). Making eye contact and smiling were the first steps for me.

About a year ago, I had 0 friends. I moved into an apartment complex and have since made many friends. There are such a diverse group of people in apartment living that it is easy to get into various conversations.

Mostly you have to put yourself out there. College, gym, work, neighborhood, there are many places to make friends but the hardest part (for me anyway) was getting over the fear of approaching people. Striking up a casual conversation and then moving forward with that into the deeper subjects can be intimidating, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Wishing you the best of luck!!

[Brutha]

The few friendships I have now are all rather superficial - we'll play video games, sports, go out to bars or the occasional meal or movie, and talk about girls and other mundane things, but we never get into 'real' conversations on a deeper level than that. I just feel emotionally stifled, and, especially in times like now, when I just broke up with my girlfriend, it would be amazing to have friends who I could lean on for support, instead of making crude boyish jokes about bad sex and whatnot.

Have you tried to actually vocalize your need for a deep talk with one of your friends?
Yes, it's hard to actually go out and ask for such a conversation but it probably won't happen automatically by getting the right resources outside of yourself.
It's actually an internal decision to ask for such a conversation.

[tomn8er]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Have you tried to actually vocalize your need for a deep talk with one of your friends?
Yes, it's hard to actually go out and ask for such a conversation but it probably won't happen automatically by getting the right resources outside of yourself.
It's actually an internal decision to ask for such a conversation.

Yeah that's a good point brutha. I think it's a combination of them and me. I'm not being as open and honest as i could be... but it's hard to just start changing the way you interact with people you've known for a while. I don't usually have a hard time initiating deeper convos with romantic partners, but when it comes to friends I can't seem to bring myself to be more open. So that's something I'll have to work on I guess.

[Brutha]

but when it comes to friends I can't seem to bring myself to be more open.

I doubt that finding different friends on a online portal will help you in that direction.
An online website might give you a few connections to people that you haven't meet before. The online website itself however doesn't create deep connections.
Deep connections actually are a lot easier to achieve through face to face contact than through pure online discussion.

[tomn8er]

Originally Posted by Brutha

I doubt that finding different friends on a online portal will help you in that direction.
An online website might give you a few connections to people that you haven't meet before. The online website itself however doesn't create deep connections.
Deep connections actually are a lot easier to achieve through face to face contact than through pure online discussion.

Oh for sure! I'm not gonna rely on this as a crutch, but it's just something to look into on the side. My main plan of action involves getting more involved in sports and activities through my university and making more of an effort to see the few friends i alrdy have. Possibly do some form of volunteering as well. I don't think it's rocket science - basically I just need to get out a lot more and put forth more effort.

[rei]

Originally Posted by tomn8er

Oh for sure! I'm not gonna rely on this as a crutch, but it's just something to look into on the side. My main plan of action involves getting more involved in sports and activities through my university and making more of an effort to see the few friends i alrdy have. Possibly do some form of volunteering as well. I don't think it's rocket science - basically I just need to get out a lot more and put forth more effort.

hey, tom, hope i might make a suggestion... if it doesn't resonate, feel free to let it go.

in my experience, when we are looking to a specific person to fulfill a majority of our needs (love, attention, affection, closeness), and if we get feedback that we are putting most of our eggs in that basket in a way the person is uncomfortable with, there is a growth opportunity there.

i used to do this myself, and what i found was that i looked to others to give me things i wasn't giving myself. i wasn't really loving myself, but i still wanted to feel that sense of love and appreciation, so i sought it from others. but they could never truly offer what i was needing, because they were not able to give me enough love and appreciation to fill me up with a sense of completion since there was a hollow place where i was needing to love myself. as i began to spend more time alone, accepting and processing those things which were in the way of healthy self-love, i found a natural consequence of this is that i no longer relied too much on others to give me these things. if they do offer them, that is lovely, but i no longer come from a place of *need*... (not saying you come from a place of need, but i will admit some of your posts related to your relationships did make me wonder if it is a possibility, and i am not judging as i've been there and many, many people work that way.)

there are countless ways to meet our own needs in this area, but many of them do involve introspection and setting aside time to be with ourselves without a lot of things that could distract us from that inner voice telling us what we need.

i can't know if this would apply to your own situation, but i offer it as food for thought. i also recommend mixing this type of thing with getting out and being with others, or it can be too easy to slip into a down state. if we keep going in times when we aren't focused on this work, that is much less likely to happen.

[anniecooper]

I'll be your friend.

[tomn8er]

Originally Posted by rei

hey, tom, hope i might make a suggestion... if it doesn't resonate, feel free to let it go.

in my experience, when we are looking to a specific person to fulfill a majority of our needs (love, attention, affection, closeness), and if we get feedback that we are putting most of our eggs in that basket in a way the person is uncomfortable with, there is a growth opportunity there.

i used to do this myself, and what i found was that i looked to others to give me things i wasn't giving myself. i wasn't really loving myself, but i still wanted to feel that sense of love and appreciation, so i sought it from others. but they could never truly offer what i was needing, because they were not able to give me enough love and appreciation to fill me up with a sense of completion since there was a hollow place where i was needing to love myself. as i began to spend more time alone, accepting and processing those things which were in the way of healthy self-love, i found a natural consequence of this is that i no longer relied too much on others to give me these things. if they do offer them, that is lovely, but i no longer come from a place of *need*... (not saying you come from a place of need, but i will admit some of your posts related to your relationships did make me wonder if it is a possibility, and i am not judging as i've been there and many, many people work that way.)

there are countless ways to meet our own needs in this area, but many of them do involve introspection and setting aside time to be with ourselves without a lot of things that could distract us from that inner voice telling us what we need.

i can't know if this would apply to your own situation, but i offer it as food for thought. i also recommend mixing this type of thing with getting out and being with others, or it can be too easy to slip into a down state. if we keep going in times when we aren't focused on this work, that is much less likely to happen.

Hey Rei! Thanks for your suggestion! I think you hit the nail on the head when you (tentatively) suggested that I am coming from a place of need. I appreciate your concern for my feelings but I fully agree with you here. In any case, please don't worry about offending me. I appreciate honesty more than anything.

That said, I think that I spend too much time alone with myself as it is! As a result, everything is all about me, me, me. MY goals, MY opinions, values, beliefs, desires etc. And so it's no wonder I've become a very self-absorbed person!

I agree that getting to know yourself and increasing self-awareness is great and can even be very therapeutic in times of personal distress such as this, but I really agree with that last part of your reply in which you mention mixing it up and getting out and being with others. I really feel I need more balance and can afford to sacrifice some alone-time.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply!

[tomn8er]

Originally Posted by anniecooper

I'll be your friend.

Sure Annie! Thanks! If you didn't guess it from my name alrdy, I'm Tom. Nice to meet you

[anniecooper]

Im Kayla-Ann. Not that i get called that, hence the Annie :P
Where you from?

[vickel03]

Hey Mate,

If your keen I up for a serious, deep, sharing relationship with another dude about my age. (I'm 20) I live in New Zealand and I'm guessing you live in America so we'd have to limit it to pen-pals or something like that but I still think that'd be pretty sweet.

Waddya say?

[James81]

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com

[kevindavid9312]

IT is really hard to make new friends. The friends you have will be there forever, but its hard to make an aquaintence a friend without seeming creepy or feeling stupid. I'll be your friend, if you need any advice or anything, just ask.

[Cochonette]

Coming from a "place of need" can still lead to good results sometimes. When I did that, I met some of the most amazing, life-changing individuals I've ever met. I couldn't help being who I was. As Steve says, you don't have to already be perfect to find a relationship/friendship. I now come from less of a "place of need" because I put myself out there and eventually was transformed through my relationships.

[brendannz]

I used to use this site when I lived in London..

www.city-socialising.com

I may've misspelt the website, but if you google City Socialising, you should find it.

I never really had any lasting friendships with anyone from it, but guess it was fun meeting up with someone for one day..

[ColinH]

I also have the same desire as you - to find more good friends and have deep relationships. May you succeed in your quest and inspire me!

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by tomn8er

where it is acceptable to talk to other guys and not feel gay lol.

I think if you have some commonality, eg. you're watching sports, or you're seeing music live (or whatever hobby you're at) etc. it's not gay to chat with other guys there, if they're open to it.

It's just if you walk up to them and are like "ohh hey! do you wanna hang out with me?" and you know nothing about them, then it might seem like you want to sleep with them..

Maybe you need to pursue new hobbies & pursue them with others? brainstorm some