Online Dating? Not convinced about Personal Ads, Match.com, Plentyofish etc

[PhoenixFlames]

Hi there

In 2010 (less than 2 weeks away I know) I'll be casting my nets, and totally reinventing myself in all areas of my life.

This will be the last time I mention it, but for you who read my other threads you'll know I saw a Hypnotherapist/Relationship Expert/Psychologist/NLP/Business Expert of 25 years all rolled into one.

Now a lot of people assumed that I must be crazy, was depressed, or had Emotional problems. On the contrary it was for two reasons
1) to get a reality check on what it means to be a Psychologist/NLP Therapist and how to get experience in the field (as doing research a lot of people are under-qualified to be a therapist as they only have an NLP Practitioners Certificate).
2) I felt I had missed out on key developments in my life as my arguing parents moved me about 3 times between ages 13-17- which meant I was unconciously incompetent at Socialising, Girlfiends, Making Real Friends, Career Planning and getting Academic Grades and Skills that made me employable.

However I eventually cottened onto what I was missing, self taught myself Psychology, Self Help, Goal Setting and I learnt from the best PUAs in the business about Dating.
However as I was missing the basic foundations of my overall life, these newfound modern PUA and Socialising knowledge was useless and I had to rely on no less than 5 "pity ****s" to loose my virginity and get experience.

Although my sessions were going well with the Therapist I actually walked out "early" from the last session when we talked about a practical plan to get me Dating.
I know I am a good looking guy as when Im out in public, women show me the signs, they play with their hair, smile, make eye contact I have a good body from Weight Training, a NBig Build and I am fairly tall 5'9.

I did hold back over certain issues but these were smoothed out by the therapist.

[rei]

congrats on the progress you feel you have made

[spirit4711]

Yes, congrats!

I'm not sure what the title of your post has to do with its content?

[PhoenixFlames]

Ok so how reliable is online Dating?
Has anyone here used Plentofish, Match.com, a non descript Online Dating Site etc etc.

I was a little put off by my Relationship advisors, suggestion as our observations of the predicament Im in is not to do with my Looks (alot of girls say I am good looking without me asking), my Height and Physique is great (Im muscular and women comment on this) not to do with my Communication/Rapport Skills (Ive studied NLP, PUA), women say I am genuine but I lacked a certain something and was "holding back" slightly (which I fixed in my sessions- and at a party the other day I was better than ever).

The only thing missing from my package is Friends (because I couldn't build a peer group from School, Family Gatherings as I was isolated by being moved in my Peer Group Years), a good Career/Qualifications (as this was affected by going to Poorly Performing Schools were I was bullied as i was isolted from Friends/Family due to being the New Kid no one gave a **** about)
and just general lack of support, financial or encouragement from parents.

I said to my Counsellor
I cannot pull women from Clubs as I dont have my own place to bring them home.
I cannot get my own home until I get some real skills and work in proper jobs (instead of skilless Call Centres that fire their staff after 6 months).
Whilst I do have a workable plan for 2010 and have set boundaries for moving out I cannot see myself as a "complete" catch that women would date until I have these things under my belt.
As Henry Ford said "A man cannot make a reputation for himself on things he plans to do, only things he has done"

My counsellor said Clubs aren't a good place.
You're too old to try and date the 18-24 year old crowd as you're not part of their Social Network or Peer Group (I agree and I will state in a different post why this is).
You cannot date a Younger woman as you dont have a place to bring her home- when she expects you to have your own place.
Most women in your age bracket are either Married, have children, the first batch of Divorcees are finalising their papers and have kids that need looking after.
Any woman who is still single at your age must have something wrong with her.

So I think a carefully worded Ad in a Newspaper, Dating Website would be good for you.
I replied "How is a Dating site going to change my odds of getting a Relationship? You said it yourself, most women who are still single must have a good reason if no-one is touching them".

At that point I walked out and said "My opinion is that I know inside out the Dynamics of Attraction and Dating and the "Social Economics" of a man having resources, his own place to look after a woman in the long term.
I will continually work on myself until I have a woman in my life"

As another poster quoted

"How do I know I want to be single. When I dont have a girlfriend in my life. How do I know I want a girlfriend. When I have one."

[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by PhoenixFlames

Ok so how reliable is online Dating?
Has anyone here used Plentofish, Match.com, a non descript Online Dating Site etc etc.

Just as reliable as dating "in the real world". The initial contact is made online, but at some point you'll need to start dating each other.. so not much different in that regard. One advantage is actually getting the opportunity to see if you have similar values or interests before contacting a woman - something that's harder to do in a club, where it's more a matter of attraction.. and people aren't necessarily looking for anything serious.

The disadvantage is not being able to see/hear/sense the woman in the initial online interaction, which - worst case scenario - might lead to a disappointing first date. But the way I see it - having a cup of coffee with a nice woman, who you might not be sexually attracted to, is never a waste of time. Just show up at the date with an open mind and without any attachment to outcome (something I'm sure you'll know all about from PUA).

As for there being something wrong with single women at your age.. that just an absurd claim. I've dated quite a few single 30+ women from dating sites the last year or so and they've all been nice, healthy, mentally stable and very successful women.

[rei]

i'm not sure the women who visit clubs looking for... whatever... are generally the same class of women who use online dating. (i don't mean one is a 'higher' class than another, i'm using class in the sense of category.) there are desperate people of both sexes, but they use various mediums to find suitable partners. i'm not sure women who go clubbing are usually out for an LTR, but i'm sure there are exceptions to this. i just know the loudness of a club isn't very conducive to getting to know someone past the physical expression.

not every woman who is older and single is damaged, or at least, no more or less then lots of other people of various ages. i am not sure that particular limiting belief is helpful, other than to provide some cynicism.

plenty of people (both sexes) use online dating for casual encounters, but that is more the case for sites like Match.com. eHarmony can work well if you're interested in something more serious but it takes patience and open-mindedness - both necessary for the dating scene regardless of where/how you meet people.

i know several couples who met online, and some of them probably met through dating sites. i don't know if it is helpful to limit the options before you even give one of them a shot.

[joelr]

Originally Posted by PhoenixFlames

At that point I walked out and said "My opinion is that I know inside out the Dynamics of Attraction and Dating and the "Social Economics" of a man having resources, his own place to look after a woman in the long term.

Sounds like you do know generalizations but without experience it's far from an "inside out" knowledge. That's not helping you because you think these generalizations are literal.

You don't need to take a woman home from a club. Just get her number, at least one or two when you go out. Then meet up for coffee. It's ok to live at home, the economy sucked. If you have a plan to move out in the future it's fine. Once you meet someone and things click your partner will be fine with it, if she can't wait and NEEDS a man with his own place then you can meet other women. Most women are ok with it as long as you have motivation to further yourself
There was a time where people often moved out of their parents house after their wedding!

I ran into an old friend about a year ago, 38 yo, quite overweight, living at home, not working and he had a georgous girlfriend. She seemed cool too. Hmm?