Becoming an alpha female

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by blossom

Yes, it all smacks of "girls should be seen and not heard" mentality, which is so pre-1950's! Get with the program MarkedbyaWord! You are coming across a Uber-sexist here!

LMAO.........its especially amusing cuz you'd just written how men (not all obviously) are intimidated by a confident woman. You know what I think "quietly confident" means? It means......"please be confident only behind closed doors, don't ever let anyone think you're more confident than me"

[justhopingandsearching]

Originally Posted by cylon

Well beta would be a lesser form of ♥♥♥♥♥. An alpha would be like super-♥♥♥♥♥. No one likes a super ♥♥♥♥♥.

A ♥♥♥♥♥ is a ♥♥♥♥♥, and apparently no one likes a ♥♥♥♥♥. Does it really make that much of a difference if someone really doesn't like you when it's already been established that they don't like you.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by justhopingandsearching

I ♥♥♥♥♥ is a ♥♥♥♥♥, and apparently no one likes a ♥♥♥♥♥. Does it really make that much of a difference if someone really doesn't like you when it's already been established that they don't like you.

I'm grading on a low curve tonight. Technically yes, being a ♥♥♥♥♥ at all is a huge turn-off. I wouldn't head in that direction.

[blossom]

Well all I can say is that it's interesting to see what words mean to different people. But then, I'm venturing to guess that you weren't raised to be only seen and never heard, so you probably wouldn't see things the same way as most women, would you?

[cylon]

No. But I know what a ♥♥♥♥♥ is, and that's not what you want to be. Just because rap music made it cool to say doesn't mean the word has a different meaning than its always had. It's not good.

[blossom]

True. I don't think the OP has any intention of becoming a ♥♥♥♥♥ though...she just wants to be more confident and go for what she wants. It's the definition of Alpha female that seems to be controversial here?

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by cylon

No. But I know what a ♥♥♥♥♥ is, and that's not what you want to be. Just because rap music made it cool to say doesn't mean the word has a different meaning than its always had. It's not good.

The first poster in this thread to bring up the idea that alpha female equals alpha ♥♥♥♥♥ is a guy, I think. I've no problem with the word ♥♥♥♥♥, I give it no negative power. It's just a word, nothing to do with rap music. But then again, we're going off topic, the OP is seeking to become an alpha female, everything else is just a matter of interpretation.

[rei]

Originally Posted by justhopingandsearching

Ok, I guess I need to explain how I'm using the word aggressive. Here, I'm using it to mean someone who's upfront, honest, and not afraid to say how s/he feels. Aggressive is probably the wrong word, I was just trying to convey how people are more likely to accept and even seen men as aggressive in a positive light (that's just how they ''are'') than they are a woman described that way.

Also, I'm not gonna lie I have a real problem with the word 'quiet' in quietly confident. See, I'm already quiet, very much so in public settings. I don't want to be this way anymore. I want to be more like how I act around friends and family. It's like all of my self esteem, confidence, whatever you call it goes right out the window when I am in school or public. I literally sweat and get nervous, just trying to answer a question in class. I don't want to be this way anymore, so yeah I'm not trying to really be quiet anything.

i think you are describing assertiveness, not aggressiveness. assertiveness means you will speak your truth but not go and punch someone in the face for no good reason. if you get passed up for a promotion that you deserve, it is assertive to go and talk to your supervisor. it is aggressive to make a scene that bullies people into doing what you want. being aggressive, in general, also involves infringing on someone else's rights. being passive generally means you allow others to infringe on yours. being assertive is a sort of middle ground where you do your best to both get what you want and need while giving others the space to get their wants and needs as well.

for people who are more on the passive side, assertiveness feels like aggressiveness to them. i remember someone posted on this forum a while back a link to a Livestrong article about assertiveness where it talked about this (if you google livestrong assertive you may find it).

as far as resources go, i will assert my right to use my personal time as i see fit and give you an opportunity to weed through what is already available online . there is a classic book on assertiveness called When I Say No I Feel Guilty. you can find a used copy for about $1 on Amazon.

i'll also add, if you think you tend to be more passive in public or social situations then you may think all the stuff out there involves games and phoniness. you'll need to be open to trying some of the methods, testing them in the field, and i suggest doing so before you immediately reject something as fake. some techniques may even seem manipulative to you if you are not used to balancing the right to assert your needs with what everyone else expects of you. it is your choice to try them or not, but if you explore what is online you will probably find more than enough to get started.

what you said about how you react in class might be a sign of mild social anxiety. developing assertiveness skills may or may not help with that, but there's a lot of stuff online about releasing the irrational fears associated with that intensity of worrying (i think it is like a fight or flight reaction, only it's about grades and social status instead of about whether we make it out of the path of a lion).

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by aelle

It's interesting that the definition one would have of an alpha woman is a negative one.

I have a pretty negative view of alpha males myself, so I'm an equal opportunity negative viewer of the label of alpha. .

I think it's possible to have what you want in life, and live your life without having to fit into the dichotomy of either an alpha or beta label. Steve is a good example of that.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Why would anyone rather be a beta ♥♥♥♥♥ as opposed to an alpha ♥♥♥♥♥?

Betas make better bitches.

[blossom]

Ha! Are you a secret rap star brendannz? C'mon...fess up!

[MarkedByAWord]

Actually, if you read carefully with no pre-conceived ideas on my first post you will notice that it says 'male or female', and yes I would say to a male:
'dump the alpha idea, just work on your strengths, make your weaknesses
into strengths if you also, if you can. Quietly confident goes for both sexes.
Look at the great people of the past that were quietly confident, read their
bios. Don't model yourself after a 'Napolean', or that type character.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by blossom

Ha! Are you a secret rap star brendannz? C'mon...fess up!

I was actually just thinking today how awesome it would be if I could rap.. but would have to say no, I'm not.

[blossom]

Well you could always aspire to be one I guess. You just have to practise verbalising lots of words really rapidly till it comes naturally...

[cylon]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

The first poster in this thread to bring up the idea that alpha female equals alpha ♥♥♥♥♥ is a guy, I think. I've no problem with the word ♥♥♥♥♥, I give it no negative power. It's just a word, nothing to do with rap music. But then again, we're going off topic, the OP is seeking to become an alpha female, everything else is just a matter of interpretation.

Thanks. That post was to blossom though.

[blossom]

Now I've just had a glass of red and am a little affected by it Will someone please show me how Midas girls comment is meant for me, according to cylon?

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I've no problem with the word ♥♥♥♥♥, I give it no negative power.

So if I were to call you a ♥♥♥♥♥ will you slap me? or be proud to be considered a ♥♥♥♥♥?

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by MarkedByAWord

Actually, if you read carefully with no pre-conceived ideas on my first post you will notice that it says 'male or female', and yes I would say to a male:
'dump the alpha idea, just work on your strengths, make your weaknesses
into strengths if you also, if you can. Quietly confident goes for both sexes.
Look at the great people of the past that were quietly confident, read their
bios. Don't model yourself after a 'Napolean', or that type character.

It's up to you whether you want to be quietly confident or the alpha loudly confident. But I'd say do whatever's natural to you. It's better for you to be genuinely confident than put on a fake front of loud confidence, or keeping quiet to appear quietly confident.

I'd say genuine-ness is the best thing for you to aim for..

[marinik]

Originally Posted by justhopingandsearching

So, I'm actually hoping people can recommend good resources for ''becoming an alpha'' (confidence, charm, assertiveness, etc), so that I wouldn't have to personally wade through all the junk out there. I want resources that emphasis being genuine and sincere, and avoids the mind games, fake, phoniness.

I'm an alpha female, and for some I bet an alpha ♥♥♥♥♥. I wasn't always this way, at least not in my teens. I gradually built in all those traits you are talking about by faking them first as a defensive mechanism, or to be precise to disguise my being pretty insecure at the time. I watched people around me I thought were all these fabulous things and in a way copied their behavior.

I am a very successful woman, strong, assertive, always in a high position at work. But I am not a collector of weak men! On the contrary. All my men are and have been alpha males.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by brendannz

So if I were to call you a ♥♥♥♥♥ will you slap me? or be proud to be considered a ♥♥♥♥♥?

I'd ♥♥♥♥♥-slap you into next year.

I'm not sure why you ask me if I'd be proud to be considered a ♥♥♥♥♥.........why? Why would I be proud just by you using the word? What's pride got to do with it? I wouldn't be proud if you called me chick or gal either. They're just words. Why is ♥♥♥♥♥ any different than when men are called dogs? Why the negative load associated with it? My guess is that, because men have used that word to control women's emotions. If you can call a woman ♥♥♥♥♥, then you know you've really gotten to her. Not so for me, sorry.

[PhoenixFlames]

Back to the OP about the initial question.

I think what the OP is saying is; there are lots of E-books, web-sites and resources for guys to better themselves at Dating, handling Social Situations and recognising the "alpha characteristics" that make men Attractive to women (for example the PUA movement).

Is there anything out there which could help women in the same way?

Hello OP! Im Phoenix (a Male).

This is going to be a very controversial post, but to answer your question, no there is no "guide for Alpha Women" because first of all can I ask how you would define the Characteristics of an "Alpha Female"?

[Angela]

Ai chihuahua! Lots of disempowering use of labels here!

Justhopingandsearching, it sounds to me like your true heart's desire is about feeling really free, connected and authentic with people everywhere you go. Being surrounded by loving companions, having lots of fulfilling and satisfying sex, maybe even being a leader to some extent? Letting go of some of that old gunk that's not serving you well, and has maybe had you feeling stopped in relating with others. Is that right?

As you requested, there are a lot of resources for helping you be what you want to be, without having to get all loaded down by even more limiting labels, beliefs, and attitudes. A book I really like called "Make Every Man Want You" by Marie Forleo is an easy, fun read, and I think it's very encouraging in generating the ways of being you aspire to. It kind of mistitled, I think, because it's less about making men want you than it is about generating a life that YOU are totally in love with, which incidentally turns you into a man- (and woman-) magnet.

Also, if you want to make a bold move in leaving behind shyness and awkwardness, I highly recommend the Landmark Forum and Advanced Course. In two weekends, I went from being the shyest person on the planet, with all kinds of ways of coping with that and covering it up, to not being able to remember what being shy felt like -- I was happily speaking to groups of 400 people and feeling totally connected, related, and supported. I only wish I had done these courses when I was a teenager!

You can also use some powerful NLP techniques, like spinning and anchoring, to get yourself into the state you'd like to be right now, for free.

Best wishes,
Angela

[justhopingandsearching]

Originally Posted by PhoenixFlames

first of all can I ask how you would define the Characteristics of an "Alpha Female"?

I was hoping alpha would convey the social skills I wanted. Oh well, some of them are assertive, confident, independent, can take on leadership roles if needed. Basically, my ideal is to be myself in public or open settings because truthfully I already have these qualities and use them when in the private settings of just friends or family. I don't want there to be this division of who I am between the settings.

I want to avoid mind games and utter nonsense that many books use. An example of info I'm trying to avoid is like the dating advice that says never call a person immediately after a date wait a few days, otherwise you appear needy. My response is why I can't a convey that I enjoyed the date immediately if I truly enjoyed the time spend together. To me, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm desperately wanting to be with you I just simple had a good time.

Originally Posted by Angela

Ai chihuahua! Lots of disempowering use of labels here!

Justhopingandsearching, it sounds to me like your true heart's desire is about feeling really free, connected and authentic with people everywhere you go. Being surrounded by loving companions, having lots of fulfilling and satisfying sex, maybe even being a leader to some extent? Letting go of some of that old gunk that's not serving you well, and has maybe had you feeling stopped in relating with others. Is that right?


Best wishes,
Angela

Angela, that is exactly what I'm talking about. You've said what I've been trying to say from the very beginning! It's never been about the label, I just used it as an example so that people would know what I wanted.

Also, sincere thank you for some of the things you've recommended. I'm going to go look into them right now.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by brendannz

So if I were to call you a ♥♥♥♥♥ will you slap me?

Would that be considered a ♥♥♥♥♥-slap?

[rei]

my first tattoo was the Chinese equivalent of "♥♥♥♥♥"

[cylon]

You don't seem particularly mean.

[rei]

nine years ago i chose a different way of expressing myself to the world. i'm a scorpio remember? still comes through once in a while i think, i guess i just figure you catch more flies with honey. as long as the flies don't try to walk all over me, it's a win/win.

besides, being a ♥♥♥♥♥ can be about more than being mean. it's also about what has been said here already, speaking your mind and not even bothering to consider whether what you say and how you say it may affect another person. really, it IS the other person's choice for how he or she reacts. but if you literally feel how someone responds to blunt words that is also a good incentive to frame things...uh...respectfully most of the time. golden rule and all.

[cylon]

Oops, thanks for reminding me.

[rei]

no problemo

[cylon]

That's not what it means, but I see that some like to appropriate words and give them completely different meanings. Guess I'll just have to wait for a male-centric insult that means "avoid at all costs" and then decide if I want to refer to myself in that way.

What I'll take away from this discussion is that not only is it ok to call a girl a ♥♥♥♥♥ these days, but that it's seen as a term of endearment. If you ladies want to refer to yourselves as bitches, more power 2u.