Parents, how do you respond to other parents bragging?

[benedetta]

My child is small for his age, quite small. I am small, too, so it follows that my child would be small. I feel size, particularly amongst males, to be a frontier that needs to be crossed in terms of overcoming prejudice.

I receive barbs from family members about being small. 'Why are you so short? Oh you're so short.' I do worry that my son may have problems when he becomes a man if he continues to have a reduced stature. People are cruel about short men. Think "Napoleon complex". He's quite young now. Maybe he will be tall, or taller than his parents at least, when he grows up, who knows.

I feel anoyed when family members go on about how large their children are, how their children are in the upper percentiles. They brag about it. And it's kind of constant. I get tired of hearing about it. My child is way at the bottom and it's like, 'poor you'. I feel uncomfortable with this. I normally don't say anything. Should I respond? How could I do this without sounding defensive?

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by benedetta

...
How could I do this without sounding defensive?

You're already defensive about this so you will sound defensive too. The trick is to stop being defensive about your son's height. Yes there will probably be people in his life who may mock him for it but guess what? If it wasn't his height, it might be his hair, the clothes he wears, the way he talks or whatever.

If you accept your own height and that of your son, it will become much easier.

[Acting Like Godot]

Hi, my kids were (and are) small too. Not in terms of height, but in terms of weight. Right at the bottom of the charts - like bottom 5%.

It's probably genetic, because both my wife and I were skinny kids, and she's still skinny today. (Me, I was skinny up to age 30, then started growing a little fat )

As long as the kids are healthy and happy, it's nothing to worry about.

Like Spirit4711 said, if a parent wants to obsess, there'll always be something to obsess about. The kid is too short / too tall / too fat / too thin / too shy / too boisterous / too stupid / too smart / eats too much / eats too little etc etc.

Really, the worst thing you could do is inadvertently affect your own child, with your own concerns. Like, he grows very self-conscious about his height.

[benedetta]

Yes, I know, Godot. Thank you. Your answer was considerate and thoughtful. Of course I don't want him to feel any way about his size. His size is fine. He is a super kid, really fantastic. That's why I'm thinking that maybe I should respond when I hear family members bragging. I usually smile and nod politely. I've thought maybe I should very matter of factly say, 'oh, well my kid is small. Very small. We are very small, my husband and I', but I think that sounds silly.

The idea is how to respond in a way that lets my kid know that he is fine, a really super kid, so he doesn't say, 'oh, my parents don't say such and such about me'. I was just wondering what other parents say and do in these situations.

[Margarita888]

My kids are always way too skinny by Chinese parents' standards.

Whenever I get comments about my kids not being X enough, I just happily say, "oh, they're just fine as they are." If my kids were nearby, I give them a hug as I'm saying it.

The only thing that you should be concerned with is if your child is happy and healthy. Screw what other parents say.

[aggie]

i am not a parent.

but i was teased mercilessly for a variety of things in school and felt self conscious for many, many years thru my adult life.

i feel bad because i know my parents agonized that this was something that they could not change or fix and they always continued to encourage me and in spite of not a lot of money did their best to make me feel more comfortable with my appearance among my peers.

i also know that with the background my parents came from, even though they may not have measured up all the time in the looks, height, weight department...it definitely was not a priority.

i do know my parents were proud of me for a lot of reasons, but felt no reason to brag...you just didn't do that...you also didn't tease or make fun of someone's appearance of condition either. that was a good thing. everyone is an individual with their own "beauty" and value.

the only down side, i can admit, i never developed that "i can have it all" attitude...no matter how much confidence you instill in someone...society and employers sometimes DO act more kindly to the aesthetically gifted...but if they learn the own personal gifts...in spite of the almost guaranteed bumps along the way....they can do just fine.

[rawxstasy]

I think if you just smile and nod politely, it's almost like from your child's point of view, you're agreeing with the other adults. Then your child might pick up the idea that something is "wrong" with him.


We are very small, my husband and I This is fine to say. You can add, if you want, "and there's nothing wrong with that." Or say, "he's just fine."

If they continue to keep up with the comments, if it were me, I would start to get irritated and say a few choice words. You don't need their approval.

[Weena]

The French humorist Coluche used to say "The right height is when your two feet touch the ground". Hope this'll make you smile...

[MidasGirl]

Just turn it around to positive and dismissive. Something like, well yeah, he's small now, but he's still growing, who knows where he'll end up? When I read this, I called my daughter in to ask her about the shortest kid in her class, and how she thinks he handles it. Her first comment, well, mom, he's short, but he's really good in basketball. Find some things your child does well, and talk about those. Not as in bragging, just sharing. I'm wondering why you feel your family are bragging? That could simply be your interpretation that has nothing to do with their reality.

Seems to me you may have to handle your own issues with your family when it comes to being teased though.

Here's how I handle teasing. This is me personally, seems to me most people feel teasing is ok and they'll put up with it no matter how brutal it gets. For me, if the teasing seems to getting insensitive (and only you can know what that means for you), then I simply ask that it stop. Simple. Direct. No defensiveness. Just that I'm not ok with that much teasing, or that kind of teasing. Easy for anyone to understand.

[cacheborn]

I am not a parent but when I was a child I was teased for the same reason. Of course now I would not react to it but beck then I did. And it sue did leave some marks. Still not sure which method is the best for dealing with it, for there are several (as suggested by other posts).

One of the consequences of this is that you tend to get too sensitive so even when the teasing is meant to be light hearted, you get all defensive about it and for no reason.

[drakecatz]

Originally Posted by Weena

The French humorist Coluche used to say "The right height is when your two feet touch the ground". Hope this'll make you smile...

This made me smile! It's also a good thing to say when people bring up your child's height again. It should make everyone smile and end the negative comments.

[EastcoastMan]

Just let it go. If it wasn't your height it would be something else. Just focus on your child. So what if he doesn't grow up to be a giant. I'm sure he has other qualities that he can focus on. I personally judge a man or woman by the size of their heart not their physical stature.

I have 4 children myself and I constantly tell them that a person is best defined by his character not by cloths, physical appearance or the things they may have. Because when you are alone by yourself all those other things are not going to matter it is who you are on the inside that will.