17-year-old; never kissed a girl

[Narz]

Originally Posted by Transcendent

Girls have needs, never said they didn't. The thing is, girls are different than guys. Ever wonder why a guys can just skip foreplay altogether and be ready to go in a nano-second and girls like to work their way up?

It's all about attraction and anticipation. Most guys problems are about meeting a girl and working into a relationship. Creating sexual tension from the first moment you meet a girl is what in turn creates attraction and anticipation.

Let's say that you went out with a new girl once and set something up for tomorrow night. Tomorrow during the day you can send her a text message saying, "Bring a scarf and tennis shoes." She will think about that all day until she sees you. She will wonder what you have planned and she will be excited and thinking about you all day long. You are creating attraction, getting her to be excited about you.

Yeah but you actually have to deliver too. And the more anticipation you build the more likely you are for her to build up unreasonable expectations.

[mtrimpe]

Can you kiss just for kissing?
Can you have sex just for having sex?
Can you ************ just to ************?

It sounds to me like for you, a kiss is not a kiss, a kiss is the kiss, the relationship after it, marriage after it, kids after it, and death after it.

You're treating yourself as though you can't have kisses before marriage. There's nothing wrong with that, but if that's so, then make it a rule: I don't kiss women unless I intend to marry them. That'll take a lot of pressure off of it.

If it's not a rule, then learn to say: I want to kiss/have sex/************ you, but I have no intention whatsoever of truly falling in love with you.

[Transcendent]

Originally Posted by Narz

Yeah but you actually have to deliver too. And the more anticipation you build the more likely you are for her to build up unreasonable expectations.

Then why do anything at all? Why not just sit at home and be lonely? Create attraction and it doesn't matter what you do with a girl. They will like spending time with and being around you. Also it's the little things that really do count. Learn how girls work and you won't have any of these negative ideas. It takes practice like anything else.

[songwriter]

All I've learned about "creating attraction" is that people seem to be attracted to people with the less possible amount of problems. So they must show totat confidence, happiness... even if it's faked... that's not love... love is taking the hard times and the bad times just because you know the person and love him/her.

[Narz]

Originally Posted by Transcendent

Then why do anything at all? Why not just sit at home and be lonely? Create attraction and it doesn't matter what you do with a girl. They will like spending time with and being around you. Also it's the little things that really do count. Learn how girls work and you won't have any of these negative ideas. It takes practice like anything else.

What negative ideas?

Learn how girls work. You insult the whole female gender with your presuppositions (namely that all girls "work" a certain way).

[The Protagonist]

I'm in the same boat, I just want to say that you have huge balls to say that in public

a lot of kids at school think that I too am some sort of person who gets the girls based on the way I act and dress.

to expand the OP's post, how could one use I/M with this?

[Erock]

Yeah the real issue with high school guys and girls is that:

You don't get a lot of opportunities to kiss girls.

It's as simple as that. Society (your parents, teachers, peers) works real hard to make sure that there are not a lot of opportunities for intimacy between teenagers. Unless you have a relationship with a girl and announce it to the world and display at least a little affection in public, then you may be allowed to be alone by society, but as far as casual discrete dating, you're screwed.

[dally]

if you having girls invite themselves to your crib or when you go out there into you. if you really want to solve this problem escalate with every girl you interact with go for the kiss. the whole reason you get lets be friends is because you dont take the interaction/relationship further. when you dont escalate your interactions with women they get bored its not exciting for them.

you say you want intamacy well it can not be created with out you pushing the relationship to the next level. it really sounds like thats what you really fear. stop putting touching, kissing, and sex with women,and women on such a high pedestal. its time to start changing the way you see relationships and women.

if you really want to solve this be proactive. dont wait for the right time to kiss airl, dont wait for the right girl, DONT WAIT FOR HER TO ESCALATE AND KISS YOU. if you wait for this, thats the only thing you will ever be doing.

DallyDickson

[Brutha]

Learn how girls work. You insult the whole female gender with your presuppositions (namely that all girls "work" a certain way).

Im sure a lot of doctores are aso insulting a wohle lot of people when they say all people work a certain way, they breath for example.

You can make statement about groups of people without insulting them. The presupposition that something it so mysterious that you can't analyse it is bad.
Finding patterns is the way, humans gather knowledge. Finding it policially incorrect to have knowledge about woman is silly.

[ScottLee]

Originally Posted by dally

you say you want intamacy well it can not be created with out you pushing the relationship to the next level. it really sounds like thats what you really fear. stop putting touching, kissing, and sex with women,and women on such a high pedestal.

"You know what your problem is? You're puttin' the *************** up on a pedestal."

"What does that even mean?"

[Narz]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Im sure a lot of doctores are aso insulting a wohle lot of people when they say all people work a certain way, they breath for example.

ok.

Originally Posted by Brutha

You can make statement about groups of people without insulting them. The presupposition that something it so mysterious that you can't analyse it is bad.

I agree.

Originally Posted by Brutha

Finding patterns is the way, humans gather knowledge. Finding it policially incorrect to have knowledge about woman is silly.

I agree. My main point of contention is that my ideas were called negative when in fact I think they're realistic.

Point is, don't use the same formula on ALL women. You have a girl you like, great, learn about her, don't think "well I've dated two other chicks and they liked A, B & C and disliked X, Y and Z therefore I know all women and don't need to figure this one out anew".

If women were all the same they wouldn't be worth pursuing.

[Truefire]

Leaf,
You're 17 dude, relax, because if you dress well and can interact with hot girls comfortably you will kiss one and you will get a girlfriend. I'd put money on it. I was in the exact same position. I was a slim, weak and socially inept kid until I grew some muscles. I got my first kiss when I was eighteen, almost laid on my 19th birthday(lets say things got awkward and included a boyfriend I did NOT know about!).

My fear was of not knowing what to do in new situations. Fear of the unknown. Such as HOW to kiss, HOW to have sex, and just plain comfortable with the whole concept of sex. The best cure I know is to get some knowledge(more about sex and relationships, less about attraction game), and be comfortable with your more primal desires. Clarity helps soo much here too: define exactly what it is you want to get out of the relationship, what kind of relationship you want, and how you want it

somebody asked....
DO NOT attempt to resolve this by using the law of attraction, its too weird for this situation. Yes you will manifest a girlfriend, and the "law" is at work as usual, but don't call it that! Just go out and get your hands dirty already!

Another thing I had to get over was the Knight in Shining Armor routine (not actually a routine so relax you wont have to memorize anything). I dropped my need for the golden white light of boyfriend-girlfriend love, my parents fought a lot so this was just my way of making sure I wouldn't get hurt the same way.

How to be an all-around cooler person | Free advice for guys on social skills, getting along with people, and getting your act together : for all around good advice for your situation
tucker max. google it because I wont link it, it's too vulgar for this forum . laugh at his exploits, laugh about things going terribly wrong.

Me, I haven't been laid yet, and I hold onto my V-card because I'm just not focusing on that part of my life right now, but I'm confident that I'll get it figured out. Oh yeah, you're 17, chill and let it happen..


PS: you're 17.


PPS: chill.

[Jed]

Leaf - I've been a lurker for a while and your post caused me to leap into action. Thank you.

I didn't kiss a girl until I was 18. I didn't sleep with a girl until I was 19. When I did, I thought I was a big loser for waiting so long. But it was perfect.

I as well found the 'seduction community' about five years ago and was part of it for a while. I'm 25 now and am about to ask my girlfriend of two years to marry me. I've found the intimacy of my dreams. It's a challenge every day.

All that aside - most of what is taught by the 'masters of seduction' is a set of TECHNIQUES intended to get women to sleep with you as fast as possible. They are not geared towards intimacy. Many of the people who are part of the community would say to this 'I'm building my skillset and I'll settle down when I CHOOSE'.

This is not true - because you are what you practice. If you want to quickly meet and lay women, learn and practice building huge amounts of attraction, sexual energy, and 'social butterfly' skills. If you want intimacy, practice opening your heart through all moments, especially the painful ones, deepening your sense of self and PURPOSE, and study David Deida's work.

I cannot THANK the seduction community enough for the TREMENDOUS GIFT it gave me - I learned through it that I can grow, develop myself, and be an amazing man. But it also left me with a few other gifts - beliefs about women, relationships, and ego that I have worked years to be rid of. Here's some examples and the counterpoints I now live:
THEN: "I have to have lots of female friends as social leverage"
NOW: Having chosen my partner, I limit my social interactions with women because it detracts from the sexual energy I have to bring to my relationship.

THEN: "I have to attract lots of women so I'll have CHOICE"
NOW: My criteria are tremendous for the MEN AND WOMEN I spend my time with. Very few women do I even want to spend time around. The few women I do are radiant, outgoing, loving, and whole. The men I spend my time around RESPECT and REVERE the feminine and view women as much more than the key to sexual and relationship fulfillment.

This is a long post and I have much more to say - but the main point is that much of the seduction community teaches from a place of "Get what I need". I hear your heartfelt desire for intimacy much deeper than one-night stands. Find what value you have to GIVE. Find the openness that every one of our hearts desire. Meeting the woman of your dreams (there are hundreds out there, let yourself be free of the belief there is only one woman who you are meant to be with) is simply opening your heart, walking up and talking to her highest self. (As opposed to the self that likes to chat about nothing at all.)

I can go on if there are any questions.
Love,
Jed

[fourthdan]

um.. looks like some marketing going on in this thead

leaf, end of the day - it's your decision and yours alone. The whole world will go its own way but you have to make up your mind about what you feel is best for you. What do you feel that empowers you? Do you really want to kiss, have sex to fit in or put a rest to fears that you're "wierd", "a loser", "missing out". Do you want to do it to explore new avenues, have different experiences? Or do you want to wait and find someone worth sharing those experiences with?

i am definately not implying that any of those choices are invalid - they all make sense to different people. but give it thought, about what choice you want to make - cos it's YOUR choice. you have to choose your experience. Each has it's benefits and costs - and while some people are sentimentally / emotionally attached to certain choices through a lifestyle (being a player through seduction techniques for example) or a belief system (abstinance through religion for example) try going through them with a clear heart and open mind - see what resonates with you.
best of luck.