How many shots at true love do we get?

[Gracestars]

Do you believe in true love, in 'the one?' Is it possible, in your opinion, to have more than one true love in a lifetime?

I have experienced true love in the turest sense. But it came to an end. I still miss and to an extent love this person, if I'm honest. And this only reaffirms this all this time later, that it was indeed true love. But I have long accepted that it is over and have more or less moved on. I have gotten to a point where I am okay on my own, but I won't deny that I would like another chance at a love like this again. Thing is, I wonder if it is possible to have more than once. I have met some lovely men, and I know I am capable of loving again, but I just haven't had anything that comes close to what I had with him. I wonder sometimes if I'm keeping the bar raised too high, but I don't want to have to learn to love someone, I want to know it in my loins.

Part of me also, in a bittersweet way, thinks maybe I was lucky to have experienced it at all... but it saddens me to think that I may have had my turn and that was it. Am I being greedy?

Having said that, a wise person said to me one day when I was lamenting my lost love, that the point was not so much how wonderful he was but that I am capable of loving someone so deeply, and that if I can love like that I will love again. This was a beautiful and comforting thought.

What do you think? Is there just one soul mate out there for us, or many potential soul mates?

[Angela]

Gracestars, this is one thing I am as sure of as I can be: as long as you are alive, there is the opportunity for true loin-known love. I don't know if I can convince you of that, but I hope it helps to be reassured that there is someone out there (moi) who doesn't just believe it is so -- she knows it, deeply and thoroughly, sure as I'm having pudding for dessert.

Originally Posted by Gracestars

Do you believe in true love, in 'the one?' Is it possible, in your opinion, to have more than one true love in a lifetime?

I have experienced true love in the turest sense. But it came to an end. I still miss and to an extent love this person, if I'm honest. And this only reaffirms all this time later, that it was indeed true love. But I have long accepted that it is over and have more or less moved on. I have gotten to a point where I am okay on my own, but I won't deny that I would like another chance at a love like this again. Thing is, I wonder if it is possible to have more than once. I have met some lovely men, and I know I am capable of loving again, but I just haven't had anything that comes close to what I had with him. I wonder sometimes if I'm keeping the bar raised too high, but I don't want to have to learn to love someone, I want to know it in my loins.

What do you think? Is there just one soul mate out there for us, or many potential soul mates?

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

Gracestars, this is one thing I am as sure of as I can be: as long as you are alive, there is the opportunity for true loin-known love. I don't know if I can convince you of that, but I hope it helps to be reassured that there is someone out there (moi) who doesn't just believe it is so -- she knows it, deeply and thoroughly, sure as I'm having pudding for dessert.

Well that's great to hear you say, Angela! Thanks.

I've been more or less single for 2.5 years now, which has probably been a great thing for my personal growth and development, but I'm starting to feel a little lonely and impatient now. Not quite sure what to do with these feelings, but keep going, and keep positive.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

Well that's great to hear you say, Angela! Thanks.

I've been more or less single for 2.5 years now, which has probably been a great thing for my personal growth and development, but I'm starting to feel a little lonely and impatient now. Not quite sure what to do with these feelings, but keep going, and keep positive.

I don't know if you would be into this, but I had a good time participating on eHarmony. Ultimately I did not find a sweetheart on there, but it was really great to practice direct, meaningful, purposeful communication and dating for fun. Also, the personality profile they sent me on what my ideal guy would be like was really enlightening. It helped me open up about what I thought of as "my type." You don't even have to open yourself to getting matched, or pay, to get those benefits. You can just get the goods and scram. It was pretty fun, though, to see what different men found appealing about me, and vice-versa, on such a large scale -- you can get matched with LOTS of men.

Just a thought.

[Daffy Duck]

I tried to sign up for eHarmony once. I wasn't looking for a date, but I was curious what eHarmony would consider my personality type to be.

Unfortunately, after filling out their long questionaire, I was told that I'm "one of the ~10% our system can't figure out." Awwwww!

They should have placed me with the other 10% of rejects!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

I tried to sign up for eHarmony once. I wasn't looking for a date, but I was curious what eHarmony would consider my personality type to be.

Unfortunately, after filling out their long questionaire, I was told that I'm "one of the ~10% our system can't figure out." Awwwww!

They should have placed me with the other 10% of rejects!

No way! Did you, by any chance, identify yourself as an atheist? I've heard they reject your app for that. (I didn't identify myself by religion.)

[Angela]

by the way, I signed up a second account on eHarmony as my Dream Man -- I took the questionnaire and answered the questions the way I thought the man of my dreams would answer them, and then sat back and waited to be matched with him. It never happened! My dream man got matched almost exclusively with type-a lady lawyers with totally different values than mine, nothing like me. D'oh!

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by Angela

No way! Did you, by any chance, identify yourself as an atheist? I've heard they reject your app for that. (I didn't identify myself by religion.)

It was years ago so I don't remember my exact choice. It wouldn't have been Atheist though. I would have identified myself as "spiritual but not religious."

[Gracestars]

eHarmony.. is that like a dating site? I signed up for an Aussie dating site about a year ago, dated one guy and he turned out to have some pretty heavy mummy issues. It kinda turned me off! The matching system sounds interesting though.

See this is where I think I can be a little idealistic and narrow in my thinking when it comes to romantic relationships.. I have this idea that the right person and I will just naturally find each other. At least that's what I'd like to happen. And I don't think I have the patience to scroll through hundreds of random faces and profiles - and how do you tell if there is an energetic connection when online? You don't I guess, and that's what I tend to go on when I meet people.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

eHarmony.. is that like a dating site?

Yep.

Try the matching system, if only for fun.

The more people you meet, the more likely you'll meet someone you're compatible with. I don't really believe we have only "one" true love out there. There are many great people I could fall in love with.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

eHarmony.. is that like a dating site? I signed up for an Aussie dating site about a year ago, dated one guy and he turned out to have some pretty heavy mummy issues. It kinda turned me off! The matching system sounds interesting though.

See this is where I think I can be a little idealistic and narrow in my thinking when it comes to romantic relationships.. I have this idea that the right person and I will just naturally find each other. At least that's what I'd like to happen. And I don't think I have the patience to scroll through hundreds of random faces and profiles - and how do you tell if there is an energetic connection when online? You don't I guess, and that's what I tend to go on when I meet people.

You might be surprised. I found it really easy to connect energetically, and I think it might be similar to how it is here in the forums -- you know how some people here you just feel comfortable and related with, and some just -- not? It's kind of like that on eHarmony, or it was for me -- you can scan the profile and get a lot of information about what the guy thinks is important for you to know, and how he expresses it. Out of the hundreds of matches, there were only a very few men who I wanted to communicate with, and an even smaller bunch I wanted to meet, but it was a very, very good match on those I wanted to communicate with.

You find out if you're mentally and spiritually and ecologically compatible before you find out if you're physically compatible, it's true, and some people want to know the physical first. But even if you've got the pheromones, you still have to weed out the ones who are otherwise incompatible, and by then you might have already bonded, oxytocin-wise, in a small way. Online dating just goes in the other direction, and you can make some great friends out of it. I got a marriage proposal and a few new friends out of the deal!

Oh, and my point was that it was a lovely thing to do along with real-world dating, which is how I met Danger Man. I think I was much more ready for Danger Man BECAUSE I had done some online dating.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

You might be surprised. I found it really easy to connect energetically, and I think it might be similar to how it is here in the forums -- you know how some people here you just feel comfortable and related with, and some just -- not? It's kind of like that on eHarmony, or it was for me -- you can scan the profile and get a lot of information about what the guy thinks is important for you to know, and how he expresses it. Out of the hundreds of matches, there were only a very few men who I wanted to communicate with, and an even smaller bunch I wanted to meet, but it was a very, very good match on those I wanted to communicate with.

You find out if you're mentally and spiritually and ecologically compatible before you find out if you're physically compatible, it's true, and some people want to know the physical first. But even if you've got the pheromones, you still have to weed out the ones who are otherwise incompatible, and by then you might have already bonded, oxytocin-wise, in a small way. Online dating just goes in the other direction, and you can make some great friends out of it. I got a marriage proposal and a few new friends out of the deal!

Ok.. I'm filling out the questionnaire now! Just out of interest... I wonder though... surely people aren't honest in answering a lot of these questions..

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

Ok.. I'm filling out the questionnaire now! Just out of interest... I wonder though... surely people aren't honest in answering a lot of these questions..

Yeah, that's part of the fun -- you get to practice your intuitive skills.

One thing I found is that men would routinely lie about their height, because eHarmony has a ratio that they stick to in making matches, without bothering to check in with the women, because so many women complained about being matched with short guys. I was sad about that, because it makes no difference to me. But I found that men would like to cheat the system, and then fess up to the women who contacted them, immediately. That seemed fair.

The one question I found myself going immediately to was: What was the last book you read and what did you think of it? I loved what those answers told me.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

Yeah, that's part of the fun -- you get to practice your intuitive skills.

One thing I found is that men would routinely lie about their height, because eHarmony has a ratio that they stick to in making matches, without bothering to check in with the women, because so many women complained about being matched with short guys. I was sad about that, because it makes no difference to me. But I found that men would like to cheat the system, and then fess up to the women who contacted them, immediately. That seemed fair.

The one question I found myself going immediately to was: What was the last book you read and what did you think of it? I loved what those answers told me.

LOL! They couldn't find me any matches.. haha

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

LOL! They couldn't find me any matches.. haha

You and I are a match!

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

You and I are a match!

Oh yeah? haha.. cool. Yeah, we both couldn't get a match on eharmony - we are the unmatchables!

[Angela]

That's cuz you're both so special! Did you get your personal profile and your ideal mate profile?

p.s.. a duck and a cat -- I'm not so sure about the compatibility there........

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's cuz you're both so special! Did you get your personal profile and your ideal mate profile?

p.s.. a duck and a cat -- I'm not so sure about the compatibility there........

No I didn't, I will though.

Ha. Yea. I'd eat daffy alive!

[Daffy Duck]

Thanksgiving reminded me of my hypocrisy. I have no problem with people eating turkey, but the idea of eating duck is appalling.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

No I didn't, I will though.

Ha. Yea. I'd eat daffy alive!

But he'd eat your helmet!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Thanksgiving reminded me of my hypocrisy. I have no problem with people eating turkey, but the idea of eating duck is appalling.

I don't mind the idea, because I still hold a grudge about the butt-biting ducks from my childhood.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Thanksgiving reminded me of my hypocrisy. I have no problem with people eating turkey, but the idea of eating duck is appalling.

Really? Oh I love duck! Yummy. Duck pancakes - chinese style.. or crispy skin duck in plum sauce. The french do duck well too! LOL stay away from me daffy... you're looking mighty tasty from where I'm standing.

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Angela

But he'd eat your helmet!

Oh yeah! Damn!

[Gracestars]

@Daffy, have I offended you now? I really do like duck.. ooops!

[Daffy Duck]

Yes, I am very offended now. I was going to say "BITE ME!" -- but alas, that's what you want!

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Yes, I am very offended now. I was going to say "BITE ME!" -- but alas, that's what you want!

Yes, yes it is. I'm glad we understand each other.

[brendannz]

At every moment in time there's an infinite number of possibilities I think.. So I don't think there's one soulmate for everyone. But Wilt Chamberlain said he slept with 20,000 women, and that it'd be better to just have one woman 1000 times, so it's a good idea to look for a soulmate, but since you're only going to meet 0.0000001% of the worlds population I think there'll be many potential soulmates, and not one.

They say you find it when you're least looking for it, but internet dating or speed dating can be a great way to build confidence for when you do find the completely unexpected encounter,

good luck.

[James81]

One thing I've learned in my short time here is that everytime I raise the bar and reach new heights, I leave it in the past and find myself wondering exactly what you are wondering here..."how can I top that?"

And everytime, I manage to find a way to do just that.

I say that as long as there is a breath in your body, there is a new height to reach, a new mountain to climb, and when you are standing on the top of the mountain, out of breath and weary from the climb, cherish the moment, but realize that there is another valley before you which leads to yet another mountain to climb.

As far as I can tell at this moment in my life, that's the whole meaning of life. That guy in your past was just a river. It's time to swim the ocean.

[vartann]

Originally Posted by Gracestars

Do you believe in true love, in 'the one?' Is it possible, in your opinion, to have more than one true love in a lifetime?

as many as you wish

[Gracestars]

Originally Posted by James81

One thing I've learned in my short time here is that everytime I raise the bar and reach new heights, I leave it in the past and find myself wondering exactly what you are wondering here..."how can I top that?"

And everytime, I manage to find a way to do just that.

I say that as long as there is a breath in your body, there is a new height to reach, a new mountain to climb, and when you are standing on the top of the mountain, out of breath and weary from the climb, cherish the moment, but realize that there is another valley before you which leads to yet another mountain to climb.

As far as I can tell at this moment in my life, that's the whole meaning of life. That guy in your past was just a river. It's time to swim the ocean.

That is a very very nice way of looking at love and life in general, James. I'm tempted to say that he was my ocean - for a long time he was anyway. You are spot on.. I truly wonder if I can top that love experience, and this acts as a pretty heavy burden when it comes to future potential mates. For whatever reasons (and there are many) it was a very strong mutual love and adoration that I don't believe comes along every day, unforunately. I still think he is the bee's knees (at least in my mind and in my memories.) I wish it could have worked out, but it didn't and that's okay too. This is my karma I suppose. I was only 19 when we met and the relationship taught me a lot, and so I think I'd do much better at it the next time around. I just hope there is a next time! It's not that I don't give it a chance with other people - I have and I do, but for whatever reason it's not right and it hasn't led anywhere. I can tell myself I just haven't met the right person yet, but as time goes by I'm starting to wonder if there is a right person. I haven't given up yet though.