How To Set Boundaries With People?

[PerDev]

How To Set Boundaries With People?
Specially close relatives and friends ?

[rei]

assertiveness skills help with boundaries. being willing to say 'no' or to say 'i'm not comfortable talking about that.'

here is a site that looks like it has some good articles on the subject - it is a site for stress management, but assertiveness is the topic of the link: Stress Management: Setting Boundaries and Saying No

[brendannz]

Sometimes I think unconscious boundaries are picked up upon, if that makes sense..

[PerDev]

Thanks.

Assertiveness Training - How to Develop Assertive Communication Skills For Stress Management
This Article suggest being Assertive instead of being Aggressive or Passive.

I think I am more passive. specially because i think have lightworker syndrom.
and have wrong belief and assumption that being Assertive will not server all.
but after reading this article. i think its complete opposite and being assertive is win-win for all. I need to find way to change the underligned belief.

I like this defination
Connectedness + groundedness = synergy



Lightworker Syndrome

Originally Posted by rei

assertiveness skills help with boundaries. being willing to say 'no' or to say 'i'm not comfortable talking about that.'

here is a site that looks like it has some good articles on the subject - it is a site for stress management, but assertiveness is the topic of the link: Stress Management: Setting Boundaries and Saying No

[vartann]

Originally Posted by PerDev

and being assertive is win-win for all


Lightworker Syndrome

yes indeed -
provided that assertiveness is "wielded" at the beginning of the relationship -
otherwise the other party shall respond like "wtf is s/he become different now ?." and be at a loss

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by PerDev

How To Set Boundaries With People?
Specially close relatives and friends ?

Hi PerDev,

Here's an article that I wrote on the subject: Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them.

I hope it helps!

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by vartann

otherwise the other party shall respond like "wtf is s/he become different now ?." and be at a loss

But that is their ''problem'', no?
If you change and tell them (if you wish ) why you've done so they can also choose to adapt (or not).
From what I've seen, usually they are perplexed at the beginning and resist it, but eventually accept it.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Hey perv Dev,

One of the most important thing to accomplish in order to set boundaries is to raise your standards, knowing that you deserve quality people and not fear losing the person who crosses the boundaries.

If you fear losing the person who overstepped the boundaries then they will learn that it is ok to do so. They will continue to do it once they become aware of this fact.

You will not fear losing them if you develop a set of standards and hold them no matter what. For example, say you want quality friends that won't bring you down, if you stick to your guns it will become easy to let go of lesser quality people in your life.

In order to keep and maintain this standard you will need high self esteem and an abundance mentality. If you feel like you are not worthy of quality people in your life you will hold onto the people who bring you down because you feel you don't deserve it.

As well, if you lack an abundance mentality you will hold onto the people who bring you down because you fear that the 'good' ones just aren't out there. 'I trust the universe to supply my abundance and prosperity' should be repeated when you decide whether or not to keep someone around.

Check out this article I wrote on keeping boundaries in relationships:

Not Setting Rules and Boundaries: Biggest Dating/Relationship Mistakes Part Three

[funchy]

Just tell them no. Decide in advance what your limits are, and when someone asks for more, politely tell them you cant.

[Striver]

As well, if you lack an abundance mentality you will hold onto the people who bring you down because you fear that the 'good' ones just aren't out there.

Hi Alex,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I'm in a situation where I've got a few toxic friendships. Instead of weaning myself off them, I'm choosing to make do with the good bits even though the effect of the toxins can sometimes outweigh the benefits of the good bits.

Can you explain what 'abundance mentality' means? How does it manifest itself?

[PerDev]

Thanks Alex, I like the slogan in your Blog

“People treat you the way you train them to”

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

Hey perv Dev,

One of the most important thing to accomplish in order to set boundaries is to raise your standards, knowing that you deserve quality people and not fear losing the person who crosses the boundaries.

If you fear losing the person who overstepped the boundaries then they will learn that it is ok to do so. They will continue to do it once they become aware of this fact.

You will not fear losing them if you develop a set of standards and hold them no matter what. For example, say you want quality friends that won't bring you down, if you stick to your guns it will become easy to let go of lesser quality people in your life.

In order to keep and maintain this standard you will need high self esteem and an abundance mentality. If you feel like you are not worthy of quality people in your life you will hold onto the people who bring you down because you feel you don't deserve it.

As well, if you lack an abundance mentality you will hold onto the people who bring you down because you fear that the 'good' ones just aren't out there. 'I trust the universe to supply my abundance and prosperity' should be repeated when you decide whether or not to keep someone around.

Check out this article I wrote on keeping boundaries in relationships:

Not Setting Rules and Boundaries: Biggest Dating/Relationship Mistakes Part Three