how to avoid getting lonely

[sarah786]

I have trouble being alone for too long, especially if I've been studying all day. There comes a point where I feel like I have to stop what I'm doing and talk to someone or go out. If i can't find someone to hang out with, it makes me feel very anxious. How can i get better at being by myself? The opposite also happens when I'm with a lot of people for a long period of time, I get a bit cranky, and have an urge to get away with them. But then when I'm alone, I'll hang out with anyone, even if I don't like the person,

[davidchung]

It sounds like you need to learn to be comfortable being with yourself.

One useful exercise I suggest is from the first part of Haanel's Master Key System.

From http://www.thoughtis.com/master-key-system/part-01.php:

Meditation Exercise 1: Now make the application - Select a room where you can be alone and undisturbed; sit erect, comfortably, but do not lounge; let your thoughts roam where they will but be perfectly still for from fifteen minutes to half an hour; continue this for three or four days or for a week until you secure full control of your physical being.

Just practice sitting still and being with yourself each day. No need to jump right in and do 4-hour meditations, you can take it as slow as you want. You can start out with just a few minutes and increase it gradually each day, a minute a day if you want.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by sarah786

I have trouble being alone for too long, especially if I've been studying all day. There comes a point where I feel like I have to stop what I'm doing and talk to someone or go out. If i can't find someone to hang out with, it makes me feel very anxious. How can i get better at being by myself? The opposite also happens when I'm with a lot of people for a long period of time, I get a bit cranky, and have an urge to get away with them. But then when I'm alone, I'll hang out with anyone, even if I don't like the person,

You're a human being, and after being alone for long periods of time, especially doing something like studying all day, it's natural that you'd want to connect with someone. We human beings are like that! And also that you'd have your fill after awhile, and want to be alone again.

It sounds like you're judging your very natural and healthy unconscious desires as if they were wrong or bad. Why not accept them, and work with them? Connect when you are inspired to, and withdraw when you are inspired to? Forcing yourself to go against your instincts doesn't sound like much fun.

[sarah786]

I agree with what your saying angela, but sometimes i can't find someone to connect with at the time I want, and then i just feel very lonely and kind of depressed no matter how much i try to get out of it. Is it that I need to find new connections?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by sarah786

I agree with what your saying angela, but sometimes i can't find someone to connect with at the time I want, and then i just feel very lonely and kind of depressed no matter how much i try to get out of it. Is it that I need to find new connections?

Well, what I was thinking after I read your OP was that it might be a good idea to have a regular thing to look forward to -- like a team sport or club meeting or something that you enjoy -- so that you know during those moments when you yearn for connection, but discipline keeps you at your desk, that you have certain evenings during the week, for instance, that keep your engine running.

Maybe that team or club will be a good source for friendships that will give you more intermittent connections -- like someone you can phone and talk to for a few minutes when you need to recharge, before you get lonely.

What do you think? What are your hearts desires around connecting with people?

[sarah786]

That is a good idea... in fact just 2 weeks ago i joined this exercise program and it has helped. I guess when i start to feel lonely i should just remind myself to look forward to those times. I have friends, but i feel like they are more of a time-pass thing, on more of a superficial level. I think I need to find new connections that are more fulfilling to me.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by sarah786

I think I need to find new connections that are more fulfilling to me.

That's great! You're most of the way there, just by distinguishing what you want.

[PerDev]

This is Good Idea.

Originally Posted by Angela

You're a human being, and after being alone for long periods of time, especially doing something like studying all day, it's natural that you'd want to connect with someone. We human beings are like that! And also that you'd have your fill after awhile, and want to be alone again.

It sounds like you're judging your very natural and healthy unconscious desires as if they were wrong or bad. Why not accept them, and work with them? Connect when you are inspired to, and withdraw when you are inspired to? Forcing yourself to go against your instincts doesn't sound like much fun.