I have a wierd reaction to negative events

[Rockchick26]

I noticed something about myself the other day and I was wondering if this is normal, it almost seems like something is wrong with me but then I think well maybe something is wrong with everyone else?

Every time I hear bad news, for example the Fort Hood killings, I don't like hearing people talk about how awful it is. I even unfollowed someone on Twitter because the whole time that event was unfolding, she reported every single bit of information, adding her own "isn't this awful!?" or "we must pray for the victims!" Maybe it bothers me because I'm trying to raise my vibration to be positive and happy all the time, more enlightened, and not wallowing in negativity. I know death is bad, everyone does, but I just don't feel the need to go around asking everyone else if they think it's awful too.

I also have this same reaction when people comment on how horrible it is that somebody died, like "Isn't that so sad that ___'s mother died!?" YES! IT IS SAD! But why do people "preach" about it, almost as if they think I don't care unless they tell me I should? It's like when people are at a funeral and every conversation is "this has to be such a horrible time for her" or "don't you just feel so bad for the kids" or something like that, it makes me want to yell "YES OF COURSE ITS SAD, ITS A FUNERAL, I KNOW WHATS GOING ON!" But that makes me sound bad just saying that, but I can't help it thats how I feel. I always remain silent at funerals, and I don't go around saying how awful it is. It's obvious. What do people expect me to say, "Oh, really? I wasn't aware, but yes you're right! Thanks for the heads up, I'll go cry now!"

I try to avoid negativity any way I can, I skim over the newspaper until I see something interesting and helpful. I don't watch the news on tv unless I want to catch the weather report then I shut it off after that comes on. Is my reaction to bad news just because I hate negativity and want to avoid it? Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Because I must come off cold and heartless sometimes when I don't let out my emotions like everyone else, but that's just because I don't see the point in repeating it and spreading it and reinforcing it. Everyone knows it's bad, talking about it isn't going to make it any better.

Does anyone else out there feel the same as me?

[marinik]

I have this "condition" for years now! After my first cancer I went cold turkey on all bad news and topics. Even stopped watching anything that was not science or comedy. Then I stumbled onto Abe/Ester Hicks and since then have even perfected this way of protecting my vibe. I Live Love and LAUGH all the time. So if it is any comfort to you there are more of us "weird" ones.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by marinik

I have this "condition" for years now! After my first cancer I went cold turkey on all bad news and topics. Even stopped watching anything that was not science or comedy. Then I stumbled onto Abe/Ester Hicks and since then have even perfected this way of protecting my vibe. I Live Love and LAUGH all the time. So if it is any comfort to you there are more of us "weird" ones.

Whew! So when people around you are talking about how awful bad events are, what do you do? Do you feel disconnected from them because you don't feel like adding to the conversation?

[marinik]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Whew! So when people around you are talking about how awful bad events are, what do you do? Do you feel disconnected from them because you don't feel like adding to the conversation?

Yes most of the time. But it does not bother me anymore. Sometimes when they are just going on and on criticizing something I feel sorry for them and tell them this and try to make them find something good in what they are talking about and trashing - of course I am not doing this when a tragedy just happened. My husband who is a politician can't believe how disconnected I have become from these daily things, I used to be so involved, and how I don't get "into commenting in anyway" the atrocities happening all around us all the time.

[UHF]

I do understand this too. During 9/11 I just wanted to get on with work whilst the rest of my colleagues kept reporting what was happening on a minute-by-minute basis (three cheers for the internet). I just thought, oh well it's going to be repeated on tv for the next six months anyway.

Awful isn't it? I think I'm jaded by the way news is reported now like it's just light entertainment. I don't feel the need to dwell on how terrible something is and don't find it helpful. Perhaps this is disconnection, but what's the alternative?

[Michael Chui]

What people are doing is asking you to connect with them. Shared sorrow is half sorrow and all that: commiseration validates the sadness they're feeling, and it makes it more bearable. Granted, it's more bearable because of the social validation, yes, but I don't think that's a bad thing. That's what social validation, echo chambers, group polarization, groupthink... is for. That's largely the whole point.

That doesn't mean it's always a good thing, which is why all those terms have a negative connotation nowadays, but it's not a bad thing either.

Originally Posted by UHF

I don't feel the need to dwell on how terrible something is and don't find it helpful. Perhaps this is disconnection, but what's the alternative?

Picking and choosing, mostly. Choose which emotions you're agreeing with, and which you aren't.

"That tragedy was really sad, wasn't it?" (Emotion is sadness.)
"Yes, it was." (That's fine.)
"It could happen to anyone." (Emotion is turning into fear.)
"Sure, perhaps." (Not much you can do with that, since it's probably true.)
"Even me." (Now it's getting specific.)
"No, probably not. You're different in these ways." (So you can get specific, in the other direction.)

It's still a connection, but it's a positive one instead. You don't want to dismiss their feelings, or make light of their disquiet, but that doesn't mean you can do nothing.

[Rockchick26]

Maybe my problem is that I just don't know what words to say. The words that pop into my head are generic and/or not tactful, so I usually just nod and say "yeah". Or maybe I just don't feel the need to connect with others through negative events. It's usually people that I don't know or barely know, anyway. I guess it's different if it's one of my best friends that says something because I always have more to say to them.

[dhg]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

"That tragedy was really sad, wasn't it?" (Emotion is sadness.)
"Yes, it was." (That's fine.)
"It could happen to anyone." (Emotion is turning into fear.)
"Sure, perhaps." (Not much you can do with that, since it's probably true.)
"Even me." (Now it's getting specific.)
"No, probably not. You're different in these ways." (So you can get specific, in the other direction.)

I really like this example! A lot of presentness (of being present) here, realizing what's going on behind the scenes, picking up the different emotions behind and seeing how they play out. I too struggle with not getting sucked in by others' stories, and this I think is a great example of how to stay centered and be able to connect in a meaningful way.

[Coffeesmurf]

While I can certainly see the idea in not wallowing in the negative side of events, trying to be constantly happy by avoiding all negativity in life sounds like an unhealthy coping strategy to me.

Why not just accept the sad event and the resulting feelings - without getting caught up in them?

[Michael Chui]

One of my favorites quotations--one that had been on my Geocities site and I'd lost when I went looking for it this morning (scowl)--is this:

Originally Posted by E.B. White on John F. Kennedy

When we think of him, he is without a hat, standing in the wind and weather. He was impatient of topcoats and hats, preferring to be exposed, and he was young enough and tough enough to enjoy the cold and the wind of those times.... It can be said of him, as of few men in a like position, that he did not fear the weather, and did not trim his sails, but instead challenged the wind itself, to improve its direction and to cause it to blow more softly and more kindly over the world and its people.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

While I can certainly see the idea in not wallowing in the negative side of events, trying to be constantly happy by avoiding all negativity in life sounds like an unhealthy coping strategy to me.

Why not just accept the sad event and the resulting feelings - without getting caught up in them?

I DO accept the sad event, and I don't get caught up in them either. That's my whole point, I think people get too caught up in them, and get too sad. It isn't that I can't recognize when something is sad, it just doesn't affect me like it does everyone else. Maybe it's just because none of it directly relates to me. The only major loss I had in my life was when my grandma died when I was 12. I've had other relatives die since then and I didn't cry, well I did at my other grandpa's funeral, but not my other grandpa or my aunt's.

[ar81]

I have a theory: People have too much spare time, or their lives have nothing interesting, so they need to talk about other people's disgrace.

If people were busy or they had other important matters to care about, they would ignore that. How many people die because of heart attacks in US, compared to Fort Hood?

There is 1 billion people (1 of 6 human beings) starved on the planet, and no one says anything about them.

Media lives in planet alienation.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by ar81

I have a theory: People have too much spare time, or their lives have nothing interesting, so they need to talk about other people's disgrace.

If people were busy or they had other important matters to care about, they would ignore that. How many people die because of heart attacks in US, compared to Fort Hood?

There is 1 billion people (1 of 6 human beings) starved on the planet, and no one says anything about them.

Media lives in planet alienation.

Very good point! I agree!

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by ar81

I have a theory: People have too much spare time, or their lives have nothing interesting, so they need to talk about other people's disgrace.

That can't be all of it, because I spend my spare time working on making the world more awesome in one way or another. I mean, I look over at the World Affairs forum here and I get languorously bored, even though I know I ought to keep up on worldwide news. (Of course, I also listen to NPR in the morning, which is a lot less depressing than looking at thread titles.) So something else is different.