|11-06-2009, 04:35 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2009
Why do people feel they need to "Contextualise" Sexual Relationships?
Hi guys and girls
Despite being a 28 year old, Emotionally, Physically Healthy Male, of whom women have Openly admitted my Attractive Physical features I am going to admit that I have never had a "girlfriend" per se.
I am, however, fully experienced when it comes to Sexual Intercourse, Foreplay, Approaching Females I like (be it a Nightclub full of women wearing Sexually Provocative Clothing or a polite Conversation with a Female in a Bookstore), Understanding Comfort Building and Rapport with females on a Deep Emotional Level.
In fact when I meet people at Social Gatherings I never get asked
"Do you have a girlfriend?" its more of "So you're girlfriend must be lucky as you're so insert charcteristic/behaviour X"
People assume that I have a girlfriend.
Its no secret that I also practice PUA (that is Pick Up Artistry) and have studied new variants of Social Proof, High End Nightclub Game, One Night Stands etc.
What amazes me is that I have been able to experience Meeting, Attracting, and having sex with members of the opposite sex- without the need for a "Relationship" or verbalising or Gaurenteeing a Female I will still see her in the future.
In fact some interactions have been ended either by me or a girl I was talking to at the point in an interaction whereby I drop "my intent". Dropping intent is where its obvious you and the girl you're speaking to is showing Interest via Sexual Body Language Signals, verbalsiing what she finds Attractive about you be it Physical, A Characteristic or Behaviour, shared belief.
For example I had two interactions with two seperate females in a Nightclub a few days ago.
One said she was Monogmous and that she only believed in seeing one guy at a time. She even said (and I believed she was being Honest and Congruent) I only text one guy at a time.
One had a boyfriend but took my number, and I ended up in her bedroom a few days later after meeting up and we had sex- only once though.
The way I see it, as adults who are developing and improving on a day to day basis- and the fact that we somethimes see more or less of people as our Goals or circumstances change in all areas of our lives.
Why do some people need to then Contextualise or Gaurentee that we will be with someone for a certain long or short period of time.
If we have sex in the Same Night with someone we've just met, why is it a One Night Stand when the couple may want to see one another again?
Why do people call each other a Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Surely if the emotional bond was that tight they wouldn't need to label themselves as Single, In a Relationship etc.
I have studied the subject of desire in some depth and studied sexual psychology. Two books that sticks in my mind is David M Buss's "Evolution of Desire" and Robin Bakers "Sperm Wars".
I'd even met an NLP expert and talked about Sexual Relationships outside of Common Bonds like Marriage and Long Term Relationships.
To my suprise even he admitted there are grey areas and that my current Tactics were perfectly "normal" and that people are dismissive of their inbuilt thoughts and feelings about sex.
What are people's thoughts on this?
|11-06-2009, 04:42 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2008
I don't think there's anything wrong with not having a girlfriend. Many people, like yourself, are into the whole "non committed open love" idea. On the flip side, there's nothing wrong with committed love either. It's all about what we decide we want, don't you think?
|11-06-2009, 04:55 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2006
Someone telling you a very specific label is kind of like a self-defensive buffer against getting hurt. I guess they figure if they define the terms beforehand, they won't slip up and take it more seriously (which could mean they get hurt) and if you take it too seriously and end up getting hurt yourself, the blame can be on you, and not them. "Before we get started, if this goes wrong, it's your fault." is the message behind the contextualizing.
People come up with labels so that they can easily convert complex, complicated, not-easily definable emotions into what they perceive to be easy to digest, fun-size chunks. We feel intense emotions that can totally dominate our thoughts (not always in a good way), yet we like to think we have sort of overcome them by giving them innocuous labels.
And, guys do this too obviously. They might talk in terms of just sex but there is always the strong chance they've met someone they really care for and are trying to talk themselves out of going over that cliff.
Last edited by cylon; 11-06-2009 at 05:01 PM.
|11-06-2009, 05:23 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2009
I find it highly ironic that you criticise others for "contextualising" relationships while your entire post is full of labels and contexts. Look at all the labels (easy to spot in your post due to your incessant use of capital letters) in your post.
Perhaps this is a case where the thing you criticise in others is the very thing you don't like about yourself?
Now, come out and tell me how wrong I am and how what you are doing is different from those you criticise. Seriously, I'm all ears and reading for what I know you are going to say.
In other words, think about what I'm saying, read your own posts, and do some introspection rather than try to validate to me how you are or aren't the same (on a different end of the spectrum) as the people you criticise.
|11-07-2009, 09:12 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2008
If it's what makes you happy, and you're not breaking anybody's heart, then do what's right for you..
But I get the feeling that the purpose of this post, is not really you trying to validate your content ness..
Last edited by brendannz; 11-07-2009 at 09:15 AM.
|11-07-2009, 05:38 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2009
In a perfect world one may have no insecurities but usually once you start seeing someone regularly and begin to fall in love both partners get curious about if the other person would still consider dating someone else. If the person met someone whom they felt very attracted to. I think Cylon pretty much said that also.
So "girlfriend" ends up meaning - someone you see exclusively.
It usually does come up especially if the partner is very attractive. Jealously is a tough one to bypass.
Many times it just becomes obvious. She's moved clothes and living stuff to your apartment, sleeps over most nights, months have gone by. Then it's a casual conversation - "So am I your girlfriend...?" half kidding but serious. Or during pillow talk it gets solidified.
One recent GF after 1 month I found myself asking her if she was or wanted to be my GF or something like that. It turned out that it meant a lot to her for me to bring it up.
It's still a somewhat arbitrary label but the fact that she was so happy gave it a meaning.
I was so smitten that it was quite fun asking, it represented a formal version of something abstract I was trying to convey.
I have been purposely dodging the label these days and letting relationships fizzle out.
If I meet someone who I care for as much as that GF I'll probably follow the same pattern.
Last edited by joelr; 11-07-2009 at 05:40 PM.
|Thread||Thread Starter||Forum||Replies||Last Post|
|Taking "feel good" supplements cheating?||MissK||Health & Fitness||14||09-25-2009 11:24 AM|
|"While I was away"... a good lesson about relationships||aelle||Social & Relationships||3||08-13-2009 02:05 PM|
|Events/Situations don't always "feel good"...||jawillie||Intention-Manifestation||19||08-07-2008 01:29 AM|
|How to truly "FEEL" my thoughts and feelings to manifest?||loveliketheflowers||Intention-Manifestation||4||01-29-2008 10:47 PM|
|Thougths about Steve's article "understanding human relationships"||nvictor||Personal Effectiveness||1||02-10-2007 04:26 AM|
All times are GMT. The time now is 10:39 PM.