Good social skills site

[Scorpio]

I found a good site on social skills the other day. I have the okay to put this link up. I've been asked to put up an explanation with it so here goes:

It's How to be Cooler

It says it's mainly for guys who are shy, lonely, insecure, and hard-up. He says that by being cooler you can make other social situations easier. A lot of the articles are unisex, but you can tell he's writing for guys primarily.

There are three sections: Basic Social Skills, Interests and Lifestyle, and Women.

The Social Skills section is the best part IMO and the most general. It has articles on things like how to get a social life and make conversation.

The interests and lifestyle section has articles on topics like the interests of "cooler" guys and how to dance. There's some good stuff here too but he seems to be putting a certain type of guy up on a pedastal with some of the advice he gives. His suggestions seem like they were written for guys around college age.

The last section has three articles on women. One explains that being a virgin after high-school isn't that bad. The next is some advice on getting experience with women. The last is how to get used to talking to girls. This part wouldn't be useful for female readers.

[Scott]

Thanks for the link, Scorpio. I read a couple of the articles and they seem to be well-written, genuine, and practical.

(*is also assuring readers that it's not spam* )

[Scientist]

Scorpio,

I also wanted to thank you for posting the link. I've been wanting to find a site like that for a while.

[Ibanez]

Actually you can get away with pretty much anyway as long as your are confident in yourself. Of course, you can't look like a complete hermit.

I think the biggest things to socializing are...

Talking to people like they are already your friends (comfort level, openess, etc.)
Not saying completely out of whack weird stuff, I mean really weird and awkward stuff. Most people are "weird" but not deranged no clue weird.
Don't be ashamed of your interests/hobbies.
Be relaxed able to go with the flow but also don't be a push over.
Another part of socializing is being able to read people, their body language, facial expressions, tone, etc.

That's all I can think of at this moment.

[taylor]

Real Social Dynamics - Audio <--- audio seminar on picking up girls

ARTICLES FORUM - Real Social Dynamics Community<--- articles by tyler on picking up girls

This is a PUA (Pickup artist) site, but even if you're not interested particularly in picking up girls (I'm not for example), there is a tremendous amount of practical content there. The whole idea of of being unreactive versus reactive could come straight from a Stephen Covey book. It sounds similar to Ayn Rand in tone concerning taking responsibility and not being a sheep. I just skip over all his stuff about escalation and sexual attraction, but I pay attention to tyler's thoughts on being 'alpha.' If you don't agree with it morally, you can't deny the man's results. I find the stuff fascinating for the fact that it works.

But of course the best way to build social skills is just to break out of your shell. Find someone who interacts the way you want to interact and 'take notes' Then just practice like crazy without caring about the outcome. You focus on just practicing and not on whether some person who you have no control over likes you or not. Do this consistently and you'll have good results. Also, trying to stay conscious of a ton of tips and pointers only hurts you. Folks using NLP tell you the same thing.

[Refrusloi]

What happened to the site?

[Scorpio]

Changed it's name to www. succeedsocially.com a while ago.

[rikun]

Well, how do you break out of your shell? Everyone keeps telling guys just to practice, talk to strangers, say hi to everybody, start small. But how do actually force yourself to do that? For me even all that stuff feels way too much. I have usually no problems interacting with people I vaguely know, but strangers are the problem.

[coLLege kid07]

That's the problem...you don't "force" yourself to do anything>>>

You establish a goal/belief ect. and then let your disempowering beliefs/conflicts come to you naturally. For tips on goals read "Goals you will actually achieve".

[rikun]

Hmm maybe I don't get what you are saying due to language barrier. But I'd have to disagree. You must force yourself to do something you think will bring you more pain than pleasure. I think I've been listening too much Tony Robbins, but the problem for me is to find the motivation. Getting leverage. Whatever. And I know, in reality it will bring me more pleasure than pain, at least in the long run, but try telling my brain that. It's like I know these things consciously but my unconscious won't believe me

It's like you don't know how much greener the grass is on the other side, unless you've been there already. I've had glimpses of it, but not enough to really get motivated.

[DeathStorm]

Originally Posted by rikun

Well, how do you break out of your shell? Everyone keeps telling guys just to practice, talk to strangers, say hi to everybody, start small. [...]I have usually no problems interacting with people I vaguely know, but strangers are the problem.

Hmmm....

Hmm....

Hm....



Did you ever notice the fact that WE ARE STRANGERS?

Imagine that this forum is a bar somewhere, and you just walked in and randomly spoke with us, totally foreign ladies and gentlement, being honest about everything and asking us advice.

I assure you it's the same in a real bar, and often they are more likely to be receptive and understanding in real bars than on a text-based communication medium....

You don't need to break out of any shell, because everything is already inside you... and just waits to expand itself.

My advice: don't follow everything those self-help books and audiotapes say literally.
They mean something, but they use many complicated concepts, metaphors and whatever to say the most obvious things on Earth!
Trust me, talking to "strangers" on a real road, bar or in a bus, is much easier than Registering on a forum, picking a password, typing all those registration codes, etc. and writing all text.

[Brutha]

The difficulty of talking to strangers are internal (in our own heads).
Probably both evolutionary hard wired and culturally, so you need mental effort to do it.
The evolutionary part doesn't play a part in online forum discussion because it doesn't tiggers the "he might want to hit me on the head to get my food" response (which nobody can do anyway over the net ).
Anonymity + time shifted discussion reduces the cultural mental blocks.

[DeathStorm]

Originally Posted by Brutha

The difficulty of talking to strangers are internal (in our own heads).

If we convince ourselves that we shouldn't talk, yes.
If we close ourselves, yes.
Remember though that sometimes it can be the external environment that purposely imposes a barrier on communication, perhaps due to stereotypes, prejudice and even racism.
We can actively overcome those by disproving the prejudice, usually by simply approaching them without any in ourselves. That can sometimes require mental effort, indeed.

Originally Posted by Brutha

The evolutionary part doesn't play a part in online forum discussion because it doesn't tiggers the "he might want to hit me on the head to get my food" response (which nobody can do anyway over the net ).
Anonymity + time shifted discussion reduces the cultural mental blocks.

I think this depends on how we perceive what we read.
If you have ever enjoyed a good novel, you should know what it means to "be part of the story", to feel the same emotions of the character, feel the their same adrenaline when the protagonists are threatened. See the other people...
Written words can transmit a lot. Our imagination can connect the dots and trigger the evolutionary aspects.
For me at least, it has always been like that. The first time I registered on a forum, I was banned for some reason; and I was feeling so bad that I phoned the administrator to clarify and met him in real life to apologize in person.
I later learned that there is a traditional "impersonality" among internet communities, that people "don't care"... but I'm sure such impersonality and anonymity can be overcome with a bit of personal effort.

Even now we're transmitting emotions and exchanging ideas while we talk - in the same way we would have done by writing each other handwritten letters.
And when we write a handwritten letter to our friends abroad, do we care about the fact that discussion is time shifted?


Don't you see my facial expression right now?
And don't you associate me with a voice timbre?
I think that the whole neuro-chemical aspect can be simulated, just as literature and theater can simulate life, even if not in a perfectly accurate way.

I think this whole "nobody cares" attitude on the internet will be overcome one day - maybe also because in future the principal medium will be something like "webcam posts".

[Brutha]

I later learned that there is a traditional "impersonality" among internet communities, that people "don't care"... but I'm sure such impersonality and anonymity can be overcome with a bit of personal effort.

Once I go to put that personal effort into overcoming the anonymity I "know" you, so I don't have any anxiety about communicating with you.

I think this whole "nobody cares" attitude on the internet will be overcome one day - maybe also because in future the principal medium will be something like "webcam posts".

It takes a lot less time to write a high quality article than to cover the same content in a high quality video.
Don't underrate the advantages of text based communication.

[qiflow]

Note: This post is primarily about males looking to be better at talking to females.

Here is the best advice I can give you. I have been there before, read books on how to talk to people, etc. Been there. Those things don't help that much really (sometimes you will come up with an unusual gem though so I guess it is worth it).

First, find a friend, or pay more attention to one of your friends who is funny/sarcastic/good at talking to women (but also a good person). Listen carefully to how this person talks to women or anyone else. The key is to be able to get yourself into a certain state of mind. Learning specific things to say etc is not important. When you have the right attitude/state of mine, everything will flow naturally from that. With the right attitude, you can say ridiculous things, and get away with it. They will think, "Oh he is just being sarcastic." But you need a good model of what this is so you can get it. Try to emulate this state of mind when you meet someone that has it. It is basically an attitude of what fun can I have in this situation? It is also an attitude of not afraid to be sarcastic in a funny way. It is an attitude of not giving too much of a **** about what people think.

Another thing that has been amazingly successful for me is think of all girls you meet as not prospects, but just like any of your friends. Treat them like you would one of your friends. This takes all the pressure off, and paradoxically makes you more attractive because you will seem so much more confident and not trying to get somewhere with them. Basically, not desperate. This doesn't mean you wouldn't be open to the possibility of something more. Basically, go in with no expectations, and be OK with whatever happens.

Learn how to be relaxed even in high pressure situations. Just let go. Things will happen the way they will, even if you are anxious/tense.

So, the things I highly recommend are:
1. Find a mentor/model of the funny/good at talking to girls person. Pay attention an try to model this person's attitude most of all.
2. Treat even women who would intimidate you as just friends. Paradoxically, this will make you more attractive, because you seem to be more confident. And this doesn't mean you aren't open to more. Just be frank.
3. Learn to relax in all situations, physically and mentally. There are many ways of learning to relax (many techniques, etc). If you need info on this, feel free to msg me.

Be spontaneous. Whatever happens, even if bad, think "this should be interesting ". And be respectful of people! Enjoy the ride!

[bamfblog]

Originally Posted by taylor

Real Social Dynamics - Audio <--- audio seminar on picking up girls

ARTICLES FORUM - Real Social Dynamics Community<--- articles by tyler on picking up girls

This is a PUA (Pickup artist) site, but even if you're not interested particularly in picking up girls (I'm not for example), there is a tremendous amount of practical content there. The whole idea of of being unreactive versus reactive could come straight from a Stephen Covey book. It sounds similar to Ayn Rand in tone concerning taking responsibility and not being a sheep. I just skip over all his stuff about escalation and sexual attraction, but I pay attention to tyler's thoughts on being 'alpha.' If you don't agree with it morally, you can't deny the man's results. I find the stuff fascinating for the fact that it works.

But of course the best way to build social skills is just to break out of your shell. Find someone who interacts the way you want to interact and 'take notes' Then just practice like crazy without caring about the outcome. You focus on just practicing and not on whether some person who you have no control over likes you or not. Do this consistently and you'll have good results. Also, trying to stay conscious of a ton of tips and pointers only hurts you. Folks using NLP tell you the same thing.

fyi, I would stay away from any rsd and mystery method material, the techniques they suggest don't really help you out in the long run, and most of the material really focuses on one side of your life, but not the other equally important parts. If you must, I suggest you read/watch some of david deangleo's and hypnotica's stuff. followed by maybe annihilation method if you can find it. also, if you want to know what this whole "pick up artist" thing is about, just read the game.
also, succeed socially is a great site for information.

[DeathStorm]

Originally Posted by Brutha

It takes a lot less time to write a high quality article than to cover the same content in a high quality video.
Don't underrate the advantages of text based communication.

Also a good point!