Guys Go For Looks, Girls Go For Status?

[brendannz]

Hey guys and girls,

Here's this song by the Hold Steady called Girls Like Status, that says "Guys Go For Looks, Girls Go For Status"

Here's the song, for fun;
YouTube - The Hold Steady - Girls Like Status [live]

Do you guys and girls think it's true?

[Rose of Cairo]

No.

[marinik]

No.

[Jeffayan]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Hey guys and girls,

Here's this song by the Hold Steady called Girls Like Status, that says "Guys Go For Looks, Girls Go For Status"

Here's the song, for fun;
YouTube - The Hold Steady - Girls Like Status [live]

Do you guys and girls think it's true?

David DeAngelo talks about status a lot, especially in his 'Mastery Series' Most people don't like to believe this, but on a deep primal level, you're right.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by Jeffayan

David DeAngelo talks about status a lot, especially in his 'Mastery Series' Most people don't like to believe this, but on a deep primal level, you're right.

And now he is a women and knows better then us??? Alpha mail qualities maybe YES for most women, status without the substance for us "normal" women NO.

[James81]

This is one of those things that no girl will ever admit to, but underneath it all is true a good chunk of the time.

Best thing you can do when you want to know what girls are into is to NOT ask them (because most of the time they come out with a whole ream of BS lol) and just pay attention to the men they date. You want to know the kind of guy girls date? It's simple, took inventory of the girls around you and get to know/observe who they are dating.

[Rose of Cairo]

OK... Before we get into a "PUA vs. feminists"-type of fight again, please define exactly what you mean with "status". This is pretty vague.

[aggie]

if status means money and power....i would say yes, not in all, but some cases....looks and sex can have a back seat....donald trump, hugh hefner are just two notable examples....i am not sure i can say this or not, but i think sometimes the most important bulge is the wallet

[The Big D]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Hey guys and girls,

Here's this song by the Hold Steady called Girls Like Status, that says "Guys Go For Looks, Girls Go For Status"

Here's the song, for fun;
YouTube - The Hold Steady - Girls Like Status [live]

Do you guys and girls think it's true?

Change it to looks and money/success, and you've basically got it. Other things matter, but those are #1 for the respective genders.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by James81

This is one of those things that no girl will ever admit to, but underneath it all is true a good chunk of the time.

Best thing you can do when you want to know what girls are into is to NOT ask them (because most of the time they come out with a whole ream of BS lol) and just pay attention to the men they date. You want to know the kind of guy girls date? It's simple, took inventory of the girls around you and get to know/observe who they are dating.

So my dear here is so more BS from us. Who do you date? An ugly, needy, winy, weepy, non attractive girl/woman? I wouldn't say so. These are not the traits most men look for as far as I am told.

So the fact that we love strong good looking (in every way) manly boys/men does not mean we go after their wallet and positions in society - it this is what status means for the OP and the rest of us here. The fact that these men do get to high "places" is a different matter. For NORMAL women the genome is what counts not the wallet. I am not saying it is not nice if he has one and it is full, but no women I know makes him show it (the wallet lol) before she dates him at least not here in Europe.

[marinik]

BTW I can make my own money, and always have. Even more then my boys!

[IFeelGood]

Originally Posted by James81

This is one of those things that no girl will ever admit to, but underneath it all is true a good chunk of the time.

James, are you a woman? Do you KNOW this for a fact? It is funny because I am a woman and that is not how I see things.

True, there are "gold diggers" out there. Women who ONLY focus on status and money and what kind of car her man drives, etc. But, maybe they aren't looking for genuine relationships. Just as a man who chose his barbie doll out of a catalog only because she "looked the best" would most likely not have a genuine relationship. When I say genuine, I mean one that is based on a real, mutually loving, caring connection.

For me, I admit, when I think of all of the best qualities I want in a man, status is not up there. Before that I want:

Attractive looking (to me)
Confidence
Integrity
Intelligence
Sincerity
Honesty
Kindness
Playfulness
Flexibility
Independence
Good Hygeine
Generosity
Openness

Maybe after the above and other criteria are met, it would be a PLUS if he had lots of money too, but that is not my priority nor is it something that is a MUST HAVE as many of the other mentioned quailities are.

[James81]

Originally Posted by marinik

So my dear here is so more BS from us. Who do you date? An ugly, needy, winy, weepy, non attractive girl/woman? I wouldn't say so. These are not the traits most men look for as far as I am told.

So the fact that we love strong good looking (in every way) manly boys/men does not mean we go after their wallet and positions in society - it this is what status means for the OP and the rest of us here. The fact that these men do get to high "places" is a different matter. For NORMAL women the genome is what counts not the wallet. I am not saying it is not nice if he has one and it is full, but no women I know makes him show it (the wallet lol) before she dates him at least not here in Europe.

You define status as money, which is interesting.

[James81]

Originally Posted by IFeelGood

James, are you a woman? Do you KNOW this for a fact? It is funny because I am a woman and that is not how I see things.

True, there are "gold diggers" out there. Women who only focus on status and money and wht kind of car her man drives, etc. But, maybe they aren't looking for genuine relationships. Just as a man who chose his barbie doll out of a catalog only because she "looked the best" would most likely not have a genuine relationship. When I say genuine, I mean one that is based on a real, loving, caring connection.

My point is that what woman say they want and what they respond to is two different things.

And I think the reason behind that is that most women don't really KNOW what they respond to. Or are ashamed of it. I dunno. And I think social stigma plays into that quite a bit.

A quick example of how social stigma mars a woman's true feelings about something: Social stigma says that women want nice, slow, romantic sex. But I've never been with a woman who RESPONDED to that. The girls I've been with get more excited the harder/rougher it gets.

[JSB]

Some women definitely go for men with high status (money, power, fame) --- look at the crazy, washed-up, unattractive former celebrities out there dating women half their age --- but simply because some women are attracted to high status does not mean all women are attracted to high status. (Also, many men are happy to date a physically beautiful woman even if she is rude, unpleasant or downright cruel --- neither sex has a monopoly on shallowness.)

I suspect that most women are attracted to certain qualities in men (confidence, energy, charisma, etc.), rather than their raw status, but that these qualities are the ones that in turn enable such men to attain high status if they so choose.

[James81]

Originally Posted by JSB

Some women definitely go for men with high status (money, power, fame) --- look at the crazy, washed-up, unattractive former celebrities out there dating women half their age --- but simply because some women are attracted to high status does not mean all women are attracted to high status. (Also, many men are happy to date a physically beautiful woman even if she is rude, unpleasant or downright cruel --- neither sex has a monopoly on shallowness.)

I suspect that most women are attracted to certain qualities in men (confidence, energy, charisma, etc.), rather than their raw status, but that these qualities are the ones that in turn enable such men to attain high status if they so choose.

It's not "HIGH" status that most women are attracted to. It's status in general.

And status does NOT mean just money. Status just means this:

the position of an individual in relation to another or others, esp. in regard to social or professional standing.

from the dictionary.

An example of someone with "status" that doesn't NOT mean money/power? A military man.

But it's interesting that most people relate status to money.

[cylon]

Evolutionarily-speaking, women are more attracted to men with status because they are just better providers, and can protect her and her children better. Status tends to suggest the guy has the capability of amassing a lot of resources. Al this is unconscious behavior, programmed by nature. Status is a sign of a guy who can make things happen. It's no more complicated than that.

Doesn't mean she is against a good looking guy, or even a guy with no status, but all things being equal, the guy who also has status/wealth will probably be chosen over the homeless guy living in a cardboard box who might be more handsome.

Men go for women with looks because the looks are signals that our brains recognize as "fertile female!". That's pretty much what it comes down to. When guys are saying "Man, that girl is hot" what they are saying is nature is nudging them to turn on their mating minds and make babies.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by James81

A quick example of how social stigma mars a woman's true feelings about something: Social stigma says that women want nice, slow, romantic sex. But I've never been with a woman who RESPONDED to that. The girls I've been with get more excited the harder/rougher it gets.

Perhaps that's been your experience but it's not true all the time and I think I should clarify that while a certain amount of forcefulness can be sexy, harder/rougher is definitely not a continuous scale.

If a guy is confidently physical with a woman, then that tells the woman he finds her sexy, and that's exciting. But if he's pounding away at her ovaries because he thinks the ladies like it rough, then her sighs at the end are likely to be of relief that it's over, not satisfaction!

And from a woman's perspective, sometimes slow and teasing IS exactly what we want. A guy who's good in bed is one who can read and respond to the signals about what kind of mood his partner is in, not one who thinks that if it worked once one way, it'll work that way every time.

[rei]

Originally Posted by James81

A quick example of how social stigma mars a woman's true feelings about something: Social stigma says that women want nice, slow, romantic sex. But I've never been with a woman who RESPONDED to that. The girls I've been with get more excited the harder/rougher it gets.

sometimes the noises women make are a product of conditioning more than genuine enjoyment. personally, when i had lower self-esteem i preferred it rough because i was a little masochistic. and i won't say i would never want to have a rough romp, but i really really get much more satisfaction from the slow seductive teasing approach. withholding gratification amplifies it when it arrives, tantric sex is a great example of this.

to the OP: generalizations will pretty much be false every time. status may matter to some people, not others. if a woman is not that concerned with whether others become jealous that she landed someone so high on the food chain, i'd say status is less important to her.

[The Big D]

Originally Posted by James81

My point is that what woman say they want and what they respond to is two different things.

This is a fundamental point - there is a bin of things that ladder theory terms "things women say they care about, but don't" that represents about 10% of how women claim they choose men. Of course, if the women are polled, they will claim it's more like 50-80% - that's why it has the name it does.

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by James81

My point is that what woman say they want and what they respond to is two different things.

Ehhh, no... not anymore so than men, if we're going to generalize. And especially not if we're talking about "conscious" women here, the likes of which we have on this forum.

A quick example of how social stigma mars a woman's true feelings about something: Social stigma says that women want nice, slow, romantic sex. But I've never been with a woman who RESPONDED to that. The girls I've been with get more excited the harder/rougher it gets.

You're talking about social stigma, but then you use a personal example. What did your actual partner say she likes? It's very possible your partners did not choose to adhere to the "social stigma".

[marinik]

Originally Posted by James81

You define status as money, which is interesting.

No I was just commenting aggie's post about the wallet.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by rei

sometimes the noises women make are a product of conditioning more than genuine enjoyment.

Ouch.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by James81

Social stigma says that women want nice, slow, romantic sex. But I've never been with a woman who RESPONDED to that. The girls I've been with get more excited the harder/rougher it gets.

Maybe you choose the same type of partner over an over again???

[marinik]

Originally Posted by JSB

I suspect that most women are attracted to certain qualities in men (confidence, energy, charisma, etc.), rather than their raw status, but that these qualities are the ones that in turn enable such men to attain high status if they so choose.

Yes this is what I said is a man of substance!

[cylon]

Originally Posted by marinik

Yes this is what I said is a man of substance!

Substance is an indicator of status (it creates the perception that status is a likely outcome for the man).

Raw status by itself is powerful too. For how long, and if you could even consider it a genuine relationship, is a different question though.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by cylon

Substance is an indicator of status (it creates the perception that status is a likely outcome for the man).

Raw status by itself is powerful too. For how long, and if you could even consider it a genuine relationship, is a different question though.

I think we are not talking about the same thing here. Substance is confidence, energy, charisma, integrity... compassion and so on... raw status is for me a person in a position of power of any kind that does not belong there by his capabilities but a lucky chance or something of the sort.

Sorry, very tired today. Spoke and wrote in to many languages today.

[Daffy Duck]

Indeed. A man could have status, but little to no substance.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by cylon

Ouch.

What? Surprised?

[marinik]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

Indeed. A man could have status, but little to no substance.

Thank you!