Bitter Friendship

[ginamie4you]

I have a friend Ive known since we were high school. We were never close but we got close when we came to America. She is a good friend and loyal friend but at times, her words can really hurt. One time I called her to tell that my cellphone bill is high, just trying to call a friend coz I felt bad. She started blaming me. Told me this is happening to me because Im like this and that and just continued blaming me. No compassion at all. When we have a party & I organize it, she dont call me. She calls other people to ask. This is very insulting. NAturally, I drifted away from her. It took a lot of courage but I did it & Im happier. We have a common set of friends that I love too much. However, when she is there, I am uncomfortable. Lately, we saw each other at a party & she didnt talk to me. I really enjoy these other friends company but how can I try to enjoy if she's there. She pretends I dont exist. Thanks for any input.

[Daffy Duck]

Aww yeah, I think we've all done the whole "well this is what you're doing wrong and how to fix your problem" thing. But like you said, we're not always looking for advice... we want compassion. We already know we screwed up!

So do you mean she is showing up at some of your parties unannounced? If it's at your house, you don't have to let her in, right?

But you have common friends, so that may be awkward. When she's around and you're feeling uncomfortable, what are you thinking about? Is there anything you would like to say to her?

By the way, if she's pretending you don't exist, I'd wager she is holding onto some pain for you too.

[CoolBee]

I'm in a not dissimilar situation with someone - we have common friends who meet around once a month for coffee, but she is someone I do not want in my life in any shape or form for what I believe to be are very good reasons.

As she is very isolated, I 'make my excuses' for most of the monthly coffee get-togethers so she has some form of outlet. However, occasionally I want to go, so I make it clear in advance that I will be there - we make arrangements via a yahoo group - and she (so far) has stopped away if she knows I will be there.

The one common friend who I want deeper contact with, I see separately and I have told her nothing about the rift as I did not want her to feel obliged to 'choose'.