flirting

[davidbowie]

Ok thoughts on this please.

There is a man who I am attracted to and flirt with in a fun and friendly way (no bunny boiling). He is very flirty to me and has said several times he thinks I'm attractive. We are both married and I could never imagine being unfaithful. We have been together for 22yrs. So, is this wrong? It feels nice when we are together being daft though we are serious sometimes.

Thoughts please

[rei]

i don't have enough details to answer with any certainty, but if you are asking about whether it is wrong, you may already be answering your own question. this is not my own opinion about it (meaning i'm basing my response on what you said more than i'm basing it on my own moral code), and what i'm saying could be way off.

[davidbowie]

no I don't think it is wrong but am aware people would say it is. I suppose the question I should have asked is WHY do people think it is wrong, what's the big deal?

[cylon]

Won't Iman get jealous?

Lol at bunny boiling comment. Definitely don't go that route.

[rei]

i think people believe it's wrong because that's one of the main ways we keep alive the institution of marriage/monogamy. without those moral imperatives it might fall apart (more than it already has in the last 50 years).

yes i am having a cynical/more-realistic-than-optimistic day so far i leave space for the tide to turn.

[davidbowie]

Are we really meant to just settle with one person until we die? Where did this begin? The bible? So someone tells us to live with one person forever and that is that? I'm not saying I want to leave ( I don't) or saying I want to sleep with someone else ( I don't).

I am just going through of phase of questioning EVERYTHING I am used to accepting and questioning whether something is right just because we are socially conditioned to accept it. Who made these rules and why? Sorry it's been a strange week

[rei]

hey i did not say it was right to distribute pro-marriage propaganda

i think when people lived to be 35 and had to spend most of their time ensuring their survival it was easier to make one pairing work for life. things are not always that simple anymore.

had quite a strange week m'self

[James81]

Originally Posted by davidbowie

or saying I want to sleep with someone else ( I don't).

Heh, well don't lie to yourself. There's nothing wrong with WANTING to sleep with someone else and anybody who says they don't is just flat out lying. We all get that desire from time to time. To deny that we have that desire is to live in a delusional world.

That being said, I don't see anything wrong with flirting, but you DO need to realize that a lot (<--key words, not ALL, but a lot) of men view flirting as a serious sign of interest whereas I think flirting is a rather harmless tool for attention for women.

In other words, if you flirt with a man, be prepared for him to take that as a serious sign that you are interested in him as more than just a friend.

[MiBeloved]

Prevention is better than cure.

You may have heard that saying.

Why light a small camp fire, if you are not so sure that you will able to put it out?

Sometimes in California what began as a little spark, converts into a raging forest fire in which hundreds are force to flee their homes.

So if you want your marriage to last, it may be in your interest to not stoke the flirtations.

[blossom]

Yeah that's a good point James81. I've had guys think I wanted to sleep with them just because I was being a little flirty...but isn't that a human thing...we kinda do it without even realising it...or I do sometimes anyway! It's happened so many times now, and then I get the guys friends asking me "what's up with that...you acted like you wanted him" but I didn't think I did, I was just flirting or being friendly...and they took it the wrong way and thought I was being a tease...but I wasn't...consciously anyway.

[whitehawkman]

I think the replies I have read confirm there is real danger that this has gone way beyond flirting. I speak as a man who has been there, gone beyond the mark and somehow because of an amazing spouse managed to hold on to his marriage. I would simply say examine what you really want while at the same time being careful what you wish for. x

[Jeffayan]

The question you must ask yourself is; should one relationship in your life limit the possibility of others?

[gigij]

Originally Posted by davidbowie

Ok thoughts on this please.

There is a man who I am attracted to and flirt with in a fun and friendly way (no bunny boiling). He is very flirty to me and has said several times he thinks I'm attractive. We are both married and I could never imagine being unfaithful. We have been together for 22yrs. So, is this wrong? It feels nice when we are together being daft though we are serious sometimes.

Thoughts please

IMO - this is how it starts. Fun, flirty and you can't imagine being unfaithful. Then after a while you can imagine it - but it's just a little fantasy so no harm right? After 22 years things can get a little boring at home no? Well thoughts often become reality so be careful.