Strengthening and clarifying friendships

[onomotopeia]

I have trouble with my friendships and social situations because I have ADD and hav trouble defining goals. Whenever I get into social situations, I often become a quiet vegetable. Becoming involved and able to pay attention takes a lot of startup energy (if that makes sense).

The problem is that it means I'm always looking to meet new people, but then get bored. It means I don't value the people that I'm with. It also means that I get ignored fairly often.

Most of my friends consist of people who wanted to date me who I told I wasnt' interested. But then we end up being as close as many couples would since we do a lot together. I always make clear that I'm not looking for a relationship, but I feel I should make this clearer when spending time with them. Currently, I have one such really good friend who I am afraid am becoming dependent on and giving the wrong message.

Is there anything I can do to better engage socially? Usually I have to plan converations etc for social events.

Is there a better way to handle the friends that wanted to be my boyfriend?

Thanks

[blossom]

Firstly, it sounds more like you are just introverted. ADD is one of these "disorders" that gets diagnosed willy-nilly these days, when really, don't most people have a short attention span as a by-product of too many distractions and too much emphasis on entertainment in life? ADD people are usually more loud in social situations since they seek more attention than most others. It's possible you have been grossly misdiagnosed...it happens more than most people would care to think!
Introversion on the other hand isn't any sort of disorder or mental illness...though it is OFTEN misunderstood as one. It is actually a very normal temperment that just happens to be characterized by quietness, deep thought, introspection and other qualities that are frowned upon in this, mainly extroverted society!
Maybe do some research of your own into this. I can recommend a forum that is filled with mainly introverted type personalities. It's at Marti Laney!
Maybe go there and see if you relate to any of the stories and things you read about.
Let me know the outcome and whether this has been helpful to you. It could be pivotal in being able to go into your original situation with these friends. It also sounds like there may be some co-dependency there...which you can also research about.

Hope this is helpful?

[Michael Chui]

Try gathering some online friends. As an introvert, I've found it helpful to learn how to deal with my desire to socialize and managing my energy reserves by playing with it online, where the medium gives you time and space to think before responding earnestly.

Make a list of questions for new people and memorize them. Don't go down them one at a time, but when you have nothing to say, pick one and try it out. Make sure it's sincere: it's a question you'd really like the answer to, and in particular an answer from this person. Listen closely to what they respond with and try following up on what they say.

Say silly things. Remark on random things. Anything can become a trigger for a conversation. (And I say a trigger, not a topic.) If you run out of stuff to say on specific things, try talking about generalities. If generalities seem too vague, try talking about specific examples.