Hi..I'm very shy, not social, somewhat scared of people

[improver]

This is a site where I can tell my problems, right? I'm a guy, 19 years old. So, I will forget any restrictions, and say everything out loud. Matter of fact, I will even come out that I'm bi..which I've never done before. I'm always, most times shy to meet new people, talk to new people, etc. At college, I have made no friends at all. I tried to communicate with friends I felt comfortable talking to back in highschool through facebook, but I tend to back down, and not actually socialize with them. Sorry if I sound like I'm just going on and on, but I'm typing exactly what my thoughts are saying.. So this is what I think is a problem, I tend to care a lot about what others might think of me, and I also care a lot about others ( in the way that they might be bothered when I talk to them, or ask them stuff, etc, socialize.. ) Like for example, I see someone.. I want to ask them to borrow something, like a cellphone..my first thought would be that he or she would be reluctant to lend me one (for some reason,) but had to still because they wouldn't want to look rude. I think like that, even though possibly some might be willing to do whatever I asked of them, or asked them. Once again, sorry if I'm being confusing, as I'm typing right from my mind.
Also, I have low self-esteem..I used to be fat, so I lost some weight, it was hard..but after I lost weight and looked at my pictures, I kinda looked like a girl, and I felt weird; I didn't feel like myself. Maybe that's not how I look, I don't know, but I have low self esteem and lack self confidence in my physical image. I've been told I have an obsession with anything that reflects my image. I look at mirrors, etc, and sometimes see that I'm looking good, but sometimes I look at other mirrors/windows, and I look bad, so I feel down again. It's very weird, sort of like bipolar, only that it has to do with image. Some days I feel hyper and 'hot,' those days are rare, but some days, when I go to places, college, shopping, etc. I see other guys and compare them with myself..how are they so good-looking, have the great style they have, the friends they have, etc. That gets me feeling sad and depressed. I don't know if this is being paranoid or what, but sometimes, as I'm sitting in public places, such as the classroom, or the bus, and no one sits beside me, I feel that I'm being avoided by people, and that brings me a sense of sadness. For example, as I sit on the bus, and there's an empty seat beside me, and someone tries to find a seat, but there's the seat beside me and he or she doesn't sit there. I don't know if that's just me, or me being avoided. As I'm typing right now, I'm pretty much coming out on most of everything in my mind. I may not sound coherent, and I apologize for that. I know I have interests, things other 19 year olds might be interested in, such as videogames, traveling, making money, movies, etc. I just don't know what's wrong with me, if there's anything wrong with me. I WANT to make friends, but I'm scared to be myself.. I don't know why. I can't make friends that I hang out with. I've never really gone to the movies with friends, like how others do, etc. I've always been lonely, and I want to change. I think this lonliness is taking a big toll in my life, and I want to make myself improve as much as possible. First I lost some weight, that's a good step, I need to lose more, etc. But, I lack social skills, when I'm talking with people, I tend to talk very fast, maybe incoherently, even though I might be understood. Once I was told by someone that I'm way too polite, which might be a barrier between me and my socializing; as I already said, I care too much about what people think, and I have a sense of not wanting to 'bother' people, by socializing. I know it may sound weird, but there, I said it all.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this long long ..I don't know..issues paragraphs haha. I hope you can help me, and make me IMPROVE, and become a SOCIAL person, FEEL GOOD about myself, etc. Thank you! Reply please, that would be awesome, and might even change my life and the way I live. Criticise me all you want, I want and like constructive criticism, which I think may be necessary for improvement. I will love you so much for replying ( laugh ). Please reply to help me, thanks.

PS : After you've read this and 'heard' my tone. Please honestly tell me if I sound like a girl or guy or weird? That's one of the things I'm also worried about. Like when talking to people in chat, I try to sound like a man, as much as possible, and not let a girl-tone come into the words I type. So what do I sound like? I am brave and ready to accept honest opinion. Thank you.

[cacheborn]

Hi improver,
RELAX!
you sound like a normal teenager. In fact you remind me much of how I was during my college days, socially awkward with no confidence. You do not sound like a girl. You are normal.
there are many ways to improve but remember that it is not going to happen overnight. You have spent 19 years in developing those habits, so it is going to take some time and hard work on your part to undo those habits.
Start small. Just saying hi to strangers, smiling at them. Then when you feel confident, start conversations. Read some posts about this in Steve's blog, he has written lot of excellent stuff on overcoming negative beliefs.
Also stop depending on others for approval. Some people will respond positively, others will not. If you let your emotions run away depending on how others treat you, you will be miserable.
You have taken the first step in opening up and asking for advice. Kudos to you. Now make a commitment to yourself and do it.
Good luck.

[improver]

How do I just say hi to a stranger..someone I don't know?.. That might look awkward, or he/she might think I'm a weirdo..at least that's what I think.

[improver]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

Hi improver,
RELAX!
you sound like a normal teenager. In fact you remind me much of how I was during my college days, socially awkward with no confidence. You do not sound like a girl. You are normal.
there are many ways to improve but remember that it is not going to happen overnight. You have spent 19 years in developing those habits, so it is going to take some time and hard work on your part to undo those habits.
Start small. Just saying hi to strangers, smiling at them. Then when you feel confident, start conversations. Read some posts about this in Steve's blog, he has written lot of excellent stuff on overcoming negative beliefs.
Also stop depending on others for approval. Some people will respond positively, others will not. If you let your emotions run away depending on how others treat you, you will be miserable.
You have taken the first step in opening up and asking for advice. Kudos to you. Now make a commitment to yourself and do it.
Good luck.

QUOTE - you sound like a normal teenager. In fact you remind me much of how I was during my college days, socially awkward with no confidence. You do not sound like a girl. You are normal.

thank you.. that made me feel better...
But only one thing, another problem of mine is that I tend to be doubtful when someone gives me a complement or says something good about me.. like "You look good," I tend to think they just want to make me feel good. I don't know, I wish I could stop thinking like that.

[rei]

Originally Posted by improver

another problem of mine is that I tend to be doubtful when someone gives me a complement or says something good about me.. like "You look good," I tend to think they just want to make me feel good. I don't know, I wish I could stop thinking like that.

i don't think you really doubt the other's intentions, or i don't think that's all of it. i think, deep down, you have some self-worth stuff so it's easier for you to think 'they don't mean it' or 'they just said that because they want something' than it is for you to think, believe you DESERVE a genuine compliment.

i used to have major issues with my own self-esteem, and i would wiggle out of a compliment when i could because i didn't think i deserved that praise. the idea of thinking it could be true would sometimes make me cry. but i slowly began to simply say 'thank you' and work with the assumption that they wouldn't bother saying it if they didn't think it was true. if they were just trying to get something from me i'd figure it out later, but in the meantime why not enjoy the positivity.

so what if others want to make you feel good? that doesn't mean they don't believe the positive things they say.

[James81]

Originally Posted by improver

How do I just say hi to a stranger..someone I don't know?.. That might look awkward, or he/she might think I'm a weirdo..at least that's what I think.

Let me tell you from experience that that is not the case at all.

Most "strangers" are pretty used to saying hi to people. In fact, I think if you make eye contact with a stranger they almost expect it.

In fact, I'll go even further and say that the times I've made eye contact with a stranger and for whatever reason I didn't say hi first or they looked away before I could say hi, I've thought of them as being a bit rude. I know that's not the case, but it's a thought that pops up into my head when it happens.

You've constructed your reality around your beliefs. You believe that saying hi to a stranger is awkward and thus you make the situation awkward. I, on the other hand, believe that NOT saying hi is actually rude, and thus that's the reality I create.

Neither one of those beliefs are inherently right. But only one of those beliefs is useful in becoming more social.

[improver]

thanks

______________

Sometimes..I see someone, guy or girl, and I want to be friends with them, and I also have a sense that he or she wants to be friends with me, but neither of us come up to the other and say a word. We may have eye contact a couple times, but after that, that's it. I wish there was a way to show that I want to be friends with him/her and a way for them to do the same, because inside we know that we could be good friends if we met each other.

Also, I have only about 60 friends on my facebook, and I sometimes feel sad or embarassed about that..i don't know if i should..
and in those 60 friends, I don't even hang out with one.


Nowadays I've been somewhat trying to get a friend. I talk to some people...face my fears, etc. But sometimes that person doesn't talk to me without me talking to him/her..I feel as if he / she doesn't want to be friends with me, and it is only I who's trying hard to get one..

[rei]

Originally Posted by improver

thanks

______________

Sometimes..I see someone, guy or girl, and I want to be friends with them, and I also have a sense that he or she wants to be friends with me, but neither of us come up to the other and say a word. We may have eye contact a couple times, but after that, that's it.

maybe that person is also shy, waiting on you to make the first move.

what you said about feeling like you're making all the effort to start a friendship, i've been there too. but sometimes the other person is a bit quiet too, we're often interested in befriending folks who are similar to us. or sometimes they had a bad day or something. we don't always know and we rarely know what someone is thinking. are you saying you're less interested in becoming friends with someone if you feel like the only one who's trying? or do you think if they don't seem like they are trying hard, they must not want to be your friend?

[improver]

if they don't seem like they are trying hard, they must not want to be your friend?
that is it.

Also, how do I make the first move?
I think that person might be shy too..i guess

[The Big D]

Originally Posted by improver

How do I just say hi to a stranger..someone I don't know?.. That might look awkward, or he/she might think I'm a weirdo..at least that's what I think.

This is going to seem flippant, but it's the real answer (at least for US etiquette):

You hold you hand out to be shaken (optional depending on setting), say "Hello, my name is Improver", Let them tell you their name, memorize their name (which takes more effort for some people than others), and then ask some sort of leading question about whatever is going on to cause you to meet in the first place to get them talking. Then you listen and go from there.

[James81]

Originally Posted by improver

Also, I have only about 60 friends on my facebook, and I sometimes feel sad or embarassed about that..i don't know if i should..
and in those 60 friends, I don't even hang out with one.

I have about 57 friends on myspace (had it for about 2 years now) and right now I'm only at like 36 friends on facebook (just started an account there about a month or so ago).

I don't hang out with any of those people, but I do enjoy connecting with them once in a while. And I don't add anybody that I wouldn't want to at least share a conversation with at some point.

People with high numbers on facebook/myspace pretty much are people who:

1. Use it to network their website/business
2. Use it for attention/validation purposes

You see people with high numbers of friends and you know there is no way that they maintain any kind of connection with all those people on a regular basis. They collect "friends" as some sort of badge to wear instead of making more intimate connections with people they enjoy.

I wouldn't worry about your "number" of friends is the moral of that story. The important thing is: are you happy with the connections you've made? If not, then improve yourself until you ARE happy. If you are happy with having only one or two friends, then you are far better off than the people who have 500 friends that they can't connect with because they are too shallow.

[improver]

Originally Posted by rei

maybe that person is also shy, waiting on you to make the first move.

what you said about feeling like you're making all the effort to start a friendship, i've been there too. but sometimes the other person is a bit quiet too, we're often interested in befriending folks who are similar to us. or sometimes they had a bad day or something. we don't always know and we rarely know what someone is thinking. are you saying you're less interested in becoming friends with someone if you feel like the only one who's trying? or do you think if they don't seem like they are trying hard, they must not want to be your friend?

______________________________________

how do I make the first move then?

[rei]

Originally Posted by improver

______________________________________

how do I make the first move then?

you simply decide to go for it. walk over, introduce yourself. ask them about their opinion on some current local or national event (but not an especially political one). or ask a question based on the environment - if it's a classroom, ask about their opinion of the class, if it's a sports bar, their favorite team, etc. basically it's about making small talk, and i'm not much of an expert on that as i'm not a fan of small talk... i prefer deep, intense, exploratory conversations. but that's usually not too kosher when you don't know someone.

a pretty easy way is to focus on the person, ask a question that requires more than a yes or no (how, where, etc. instead of 'do you' for example). and then actually listen instead of thinking 'this person doesn't really want to talk to me' or any other self-focused thought. focus on that person, what they actually say, and respond to what they say.

really the best way to learn these things is to get out there and do it. don't expect perfection each time, and don't expect massive failure either. just go for it, i feel like you have built it all up as a big scary thing and it doesn't HAVE to be. you can shift how you look at it. focus on the other person more than you focus on yourself, be present in the conversation and you'll be fine.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by James81

People with high numbers on facebook/myspace pretty much are people who:

1. Use it to network their website/business
2. Use it for attention/validation purposes

You see people with high numbers of friends and you know there is no way that they maintain any kind of connection with all those people on a regular basis. They collect "friends" as some sort of badge to wear instead of making more intimate connections with people they enjoy.

I have 156 friends , I'm guilty of collecting them as a badge.. Probably about 10 of them are internet-only friends, and some of them are distant people from travelling I'll probably never see again..

I've found the pros of facebook networking outweigh the cons of using friends for attention / validation purposes by a lot though for me

[Andrew Brunelle]

You shouldn't worry about what others think of you. Just be yourself and stop putting so much energy into what other people perceive when it comes to you. Perhaps you have social anxiety disorder. You definitely have some kind of social phobia at least. It sucks not to have any friends.

I've never been a social person, but I do have some close friends and family that care about me very much. My suggestion to you is to get yourself out there, in public and in social situations more and more so you get more used to it. Start up conversations with strangers. Build up your self-confidence and self-esteem by accomplishing more in whatever interests you. If you really care to become a social person and become like all the people you compare yourself to, then become friends with those people and you will be on a much faster learning curve.

[ChrisB]

Originally Posted by improver

This is a site where I can tell my problems, right? I'm a guy, 19 years old. So, I will forget any restrictions, and say everything out loud. Matter of fact, I will even come out that I'm bi..which I've never done before. I'm always, most times shy to meet new people, talk to new people, etc. At college, I have made no friends at all. I tried to communicate with friends I felt comfortable talking to back in highschool through facebook, but I tend to back down, and not actually socialize with them. Sorry if I sound like I'm just going on and on, but I'm typing exactly what my thoughts are saying.. So this is what I think is a problem, I tend to care a lot about what others might think of me, and I also care a lot about others ( in the way that they might be bothered when I talk to them, or ask them stuff, etc, socialize.. ) Like for example, I see someone.. I want to ask them to borrow something, like a cellphone..my first thought would be that he or she would be reluctant to lend me one (for some reason,) but had to still because they wouldn't want to look rude. I think like that, even though possibly some might be willing to do whatever I asked of them, or asked them. Once again, sorry if I'm being confusing, as I'm typing right from my mind.
Also, I have low self-esteem..I used to be fat, so I lost some weight, it was hard..but after I lost weight and looked at my pictures, I kinda looked like a girl, and I felt weird; I didn't feel like myself. Maybe that's not how I look, I don't know, but I have low self esteem and lack self confidence in my physical image. I've been told I have an obsession with anything that reflects my image. I look at mirrors, etc, and sometimes see that I'm looking good, but sometimes I look at other mirrors/windows, and I look bad, so I feel down again. It's very weird, sort of like bipolar, only that it has to do with image. Some days I feel hyper and 'hot,' those days are rare, but some days, when I go to places, college, shopping, etc. I see other guys and compare them with myself..how are they so good-looking, have the great style they have, the friends they have, etc. That gets me feeling sad and depressed. I don't know if this is being paranoid or what, but sometimes, as I'm sitting in public places, such as the classroom, or the bus, and no one sits beside me, I feel that I'm being avoided by people, and that brings me a sense of sadness. For example, as I sit on the bus, and there's an empty seat beside me, and someone tries to find a seat, but there's the seat beside me and he or she doesn't sit there. I don't know if that's just me, or me being avoided. As I'm typing right now, I'm pretty much coming out on most of everything in my mind. I may not sound coherent, and I apologize for that. I know I have interests, things other 19 year olds might be interested in, such as videogames, traveling, making money, movies, etc. I just don't know what's wrong with me, if there's anything wrong with me. I WANT to make friends, but I'm scared to be myself.. I don't know why. I can't make friends that I hang out with. I've never really gone to the movies with friends, like how others do, etc. I've always been lonely, and I want to change. I think this lonliness is taking a big toll in my life, and I want to make myself improve as much as possible. First I lost some weight, that's a good step, I need to lose more, etc. But, I lack social skills, when I'm talking with people, I tend to talk very fast, maybe incoherently, even though I might be understood. Once I was told by someone that I'm way too polite, which might be a barrier between me and my socializing; as I already said, I care too much about what people think, and I have a sense of not wanting to 'bother' people, by socializing. I know it may sound weird, but there, I said it all.
Thank you so much for taking your time to read this long long ..I don't know..issues paragraphs haha. I hope you can help me, and make me IMPROVE, and become a SOCIAL person, FEEL GOOD about myself, etc. Thank you! Reply please, that would be awesome, and might even change my life and the way I live. Criticise me all you want, I want and like constructive criticism, which I think may be necessary for improvement. I will love you so much for replying ( laugh ). Please reply to help me, thanks.

PS : After you've read this and 'heard' my tone. Please honestly tell me if I sound like a girl or guy or weird? That's one of the things I'm also worried about. Like when talking to people in chat, I try to sound like a man, as much as possible, and not let a girl-tone come into the words I type. So what do I sound like? I am brave and ready to accept honest opinion. Thank you.

Wow synchronicity for me lol. Too long to explain though. This is like a page out of my life. Except that your case is a bit more extreme than mine (and I'm straight lol, but there's nothing wrong with being bi). I think you have some traits of perfectionism/OCD. I'd need more info though. Have you ever considered that?

Don't worry about sounding like a guy, you do sound like a guy. It's not like writing style determines if you're a guy or a girl.

[improver]

Originally Posted by rei

you simply decide to go for it. walk over, introduce yourself. ask them about their opinion on some current local or national event (but not an especially political one). or ask a question based on the environment - if it's a classroom, ask about their opinion of the class, if it's a sports bar, their favorite team, etc. basically it's about making small talk, and i'm not much of an expert on that as i'm not a fan of small talk... i prefer deep, intense, exploratory conversations. but that's usually not too kosher when you don't know someone.

a pretty easy way is to focus on the person, ask a question that requires more than a yes or no (how, where, etc. instead of 'do you' for example). and then actually listen instead of thinking 'this person doesn't really want to talk to me' or any other self-focused thought. focus on that person, what they actually say, and respond to what they say.

really the best way to learn these things is to get out there and do it. don't expect perfection each time, and don't expect massive failure either. just go for it, i feel like you have built it all up as a big scary thing and it doesn't HAVE to be. you can shift how you look at it. focus on the other person more than you focus on yourself, be present in the conversation and you'll be fine.

Okay, thank you.. I will TRY. This seems like one of the hardest things to do, ever..for me. I don't know how it's so easy for you guys..but for me, just walking over to someone sitting down, in a public place, and asking a random question sounds to me like a very difficult thing to do.. Are you saying I have to face my fears and do it? Sigh...it's just so hard.







Thank you very much guys.
More replies are always welcome, the more the replies, the more helpful.

As you stated in your posts.
Social Anxiety Disorder - I think I have that...almost positive
OCD - I have that, definitely..
Perfectionism - I think I have that, almost positive

wow, I have all this, does that make me worthless..I mean..can these things be fixed/cured?
I think I might be bipolar too, not really sure about that. But, overall I might be someone with social anxiety disorder, OCD, perfectionism, borderline disorder, bipolar disorder, and having a big ego.. I want all these to GO AWAY FOREVER..

[ar81]

I would not worry too much.
You look like a normal teen.

During teenage your body suffers biochemical changes that cause you to overreact and see problems bigger than they are. Depression comes very often too. That's normal.

If you suffer weight problems, you may like to Google for "overeaters anonymous".

I appreciate your honesty, and you have my support.
You were as shy as I was. Do not worry, in time you will challenge your fear of rejection. In my case I asked 9 different girls to be my girlfriend and got a NO before I got my first YES. That was quite a challenge for me. I did not die because of a NO.

[improver]

Originally Posted by ar81

I would not worry too much.
You look like a normal teen.

During teenage your body suffers biochemical changes that cause you to overreact and see problems bigger than they are. Depression comes very often too. That's normal.

If you suffer weight problems, you may like to Google for "overeaters anonymous".

I appreciate your honesty, and you have my support.
You were as shy as I was. Do not worry, in time you will challenge your fear of rejection. In my case I asked 9 different girls to be my girlfriend and got a NO before I got my first YES. That was quite a challenge for me. I did not die because of a NO.

Alright, thanks. At least you're straight, so you can live normally, you know..actually ask out girls...while me, since I'm bi...it's different. I don't have a love life, not now at least.

[ChrisB]

Originally Posted by improver

Okay, thank you.. I will TRY. This seems like one of the hardest things to do, ever..for me. I don't know how it's so easy for you guys..but for me, just walking over to someone sitting down, in a public place, and asking a random question sounds to me like a very difficult thing to do.. Are you saying I have to face my fears and do it? Sigh...it's just so hard.







Thank you very much guys.
More replies are always welcome, the more the replies, the more helpful.

As you stated in your posts.
Social Anxiety Disorder - I think I have that...almost positive
OCD - I have that, definitely..
Perfectionism - I think I have that, almost positive

wow, I have all this, does that make me worthless..I mean..can these things be fixed/cured?
I think I might be bipolar too, not really sure about that. But, overall I might be someone with social anxiety disorder, OCD, perfectionism, borderline disorder, bipolar disorder, and having a big ego.. I want all these to GO AWAY FOREVER..

Yes there are solutions to OCD. I'm currently overcoming my own. OCD usually comes with other minor mental disorders, but OCD tends to be the central one. There are two things you need to do to overcome OCD.

1) Exposure Therapy. Try to borrow a book from the library on OCD. It will most likely tell you about exposure therapy. In essence, it consists in exposing to you fears for at least one hour every day. I'm not going to go into details on how this works though.

2) Inositol The natural substance that works like an SSRI. I would never medicate, but eventually settled for Inositol. I'm trying it out. You must research it though, since you may experience withdrawal and other effects if you don't take the right amounts every day etc. You have to be committed and treat it like a drug.

I'm planning on writing a blog entry on OCD when I have time. I'll let you know when I write it. In the meantime, read up about what I told you.


I know you're more focused on your social problems, but I think fixing OCD kind of has a ripple effect in other areas of your life. Perfectionism is directly linked to OCD. And building the discipline to overcome your OCD through exposure therapy will make it easier to overcome social fears.

Good luck. Where are you from by the way?

[improver]

thank you for the replies.
more replies are always wanted and welcome.

[improver]

Originally Posted by ChrisB

Yes there are solutions to OCD. I'm currently overcoming my own. OCD usually comes with other minor mental disorders, but OCD tends to be the central one. There are two things you need to do to overcome OCD.

1) Exposure Therapy. Try to borrow a book from the library on OCD. It will most likely tell you about exposure therapy. In essence, it consists in exposing to you fears for at least one hour every day. I'm not going to go into details on how this works though.

2) Inositol The natural substance that works like an SSRI. I would never medicate, but eventually settled for Inositol. I'm trying it out. You must research it though, since you may experience withdrawal and other effects if you don't take the right amounts every day etc. You have to be committed and treat it like a drug.

I'm planning on writing a blog entry on OCD when I have time. I'll let you know when I write it. In the meantime, read up about what I told you.


I know you're more focused on your social problems, but I think fixing OCD kind of has a ripple effect in other areas of your life. Perfectionism is directly linked to OCD. And building the discipline to overcome your OCD through exposure therapy will make it easier to overcome social fears.

Good luck. Where are you from by the way?

Thank you.
I know I have some form of OCD...it's weird, like I turn off the lights of the bathroom, I HAVE to go back in and touch the switch and count for a few seconds before I leave. If I don't do that, my mind tells me that something bad might happen ( because some kind of power will make it happen ). It's weird, and annoying. I wish it didn't happen, I want to get rid of OCD.

Also, I am from the USA.



Everybody please leave your opinions on my first post if you can, because every single opinion is helpful, and some are extremely useful life-changers.

[improver]

Bumping thread

[improver]

OCD such as turning off the light, feeling the light switch again, turn it back on, turn it back off.

[brendannz]

Don't worry,

You're 19, and have all the freedom in the world to create your life and yourself the way you want it.. so relax,

It's a safe world...

I think you just need to relax.. (I'm still learning how to do that one ) If you

There's nothing wrong with you, there's plenty of time to make new friends and develop new interests.

[mikethedrummer44]

I know what you mean when you say you don't want to approach someone, but you have to realize, what would you personally do if someone did that to you? Would you cringe and tell them to get lost, or would you enjoy the experience and get to know them? Like many many many people have said before me, fear of rejection is a thousand times worse than actual rejection. In fact, in my experience, when I have gotten rejected, say trying to get a girl's number, it only makes me more determined to try again.

Oh yeah, and don't judge yourself on facebook and myspace friends. I have like 300 facebook friends and the band I'm in has 3000 myspace friends. Guess how many I talk to on facebook? Maybe twenty. I only talk to about 5-10 people on myspace and it's strictly business. I see people who just add friend after friend so they can get thousands of friends, it's pointless in my eyes. :P. Good luck, man!

[improver]

Let's say I see a group of people who share my interests, let's say a group of people doing something, somewhere in a public place. They all know each other, etc. But, I'm too afraid to go and confront them, I just don't know why. The feeling of just walking up to them or near them is terrifying, even though are either the same age or younger than me.

If they had confronted me first, I would gladly join them and their activities, but I can't go ahead and confront a group of people. It's not fear of rejection, I don't think. It's just FEAR itself, I'm afraid, I see them as people with the same interests, and that we could be friends, but I just see them in a scary way..

[improver]

more opinions? thank you
you guys have actually helped a lot so far, reading every one of your advice has made me improve somewhat, that's why i'm always looking for more advice.

[improver]

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[Gracestars]

I think your biggest problem is that you don't much like or trust yourself. If you don't love yourself how can you expect others to love you? Whether it be an old friend, or a stranger, how you feel about yourself will determine how they will feel about you. My guess is you are sending out vibes that make people feel a bit uneasy, because you feel uneasy. Confidence in being yourself, whatever that looks like, is the key. How can you acheive confidence? Get yourself to a place where you are happy with yourself. If your OCD or social anxiety disorders are causing you a lot of problems, perhaps you need to speak to a professional about them. Most of all, relax. Stop being so hard on yourself. Say some positive affirmations every morning - the things we think or say affect the way we feel and act. Use LoA to build your confidence and attract positive people into your life.

You are perfectly fine the way you are. Try to remind yourself of that daily.