might be gay?

[rei]

i think sexuality is very complex. i also think we exist on a continuum, we are all omnisexual beings. i've always been a slightly masculine female. as i mentioned in another post, i thought i might be bisexual and so i explored two-female intimacy as far as one can take it. i enjoyed the foreplay but i did not enjoy the logistics of what came after (much respect to guys for your willingness to spend so much time, er, you know).

i was just reading Erin's response to the polyamory questions that were posed in January. when i read how she considered sex with another woman i felt an inner twinge. at first i thought maybe it was how i enjoy the idea of two-female sex, but so far have not enjoyed the practice. i thought that meant i'm ultimately more heterosexual than not, and now i'm not so sure.

i know there are gay, lesbian, possibly bisexual or transgender individuals who visit this forum. i invite their ideas as well as others. i've heard, when it comes to homosexuality, there's often no doubt at all. you just know, often from a young age. often there's an encounter in childhood. i actually had an all-female version of 'house' when i was a child.

so now i am basically confused. i figured the answers would be clear-cut, you either know or you don't. so what can you do with the feeling of maybe? i'd like to straighten out where i stand on this (so to speak, lol?) before i examine the potential risks and benefits of revisioning how i interact with my world.

also i don't really see myself in the role of the more-masculine partner even though i'm a bit of a non-athletic tom boy. i know same-sex relationships aren't always defined by those roles, but this is something else that contributes to my confusion.

any ideas for how i can sort this out? if there is anyone here who went through this stage of confusion i'd especially appreciate sharing how you came to greater clarity.

[BitterFlower]

I'll bite and put myself out there a little bit.

I am a lot like you rei. I believe sexuality is on a spectrum and that it isn't black and white for everyone. Even so, just because I'm a little bisexual does not mean I'm "confused" (a stereotype perpetuated by straights and gays alike).

For me, I can appreciate the beauty of a woman's body. I have been with one woman, but I really have no desire for that again. I also wouldn't be in a relationship with a woman. I'm friends with mostly guys and I relate to guys much better than women.

I suppose if I would put myself into a box, it may be confusing, because, publicly, I would say I'm hetero. Privately, I might say I'm slightly bi, but only if it comes up. But since I don't desire and am not actively pursuring a relationship with a woman, I don't feel the need to wave my flag.

[SomeRandomGuy]

Personally, when it comes to sexual attraction I think that gender is similar to hair color, body type, etc. Some people are more attracted to women, while some people are more attracted to men, the same way some people are more attracted to red heads while others are more attracted to blondes. That isn't to say that someone who is more attracted to red heads could never be attracted to blondes, however. I think the same applies to gender, just because I am most attracted to women doesn't mean that I could never be attracted to a man. It hasn't happened yet, but I realize that it is possible.

The primary difference I see between gender and the other physical attributes that people are attracted to is the way society views them. Society doesn't treat hair color as a big deal, so most people don't see it as a big deal either. Gender, however, is a huge deal in society, so being attracted to the "wrong" gender is harder for some people to be willing to admit to. The same thing applied to race a few decades ago in the US (and still applies in some countries). To some extent, the same even applies to religion.

The point I am trying to make is that I feel that gender is unimportant when it comes to sexual attraction. Either you are attracted to a person or not, regardless of their gender. The fact that we label ourselves as "heterosexual", "homosexual", "bisexual", etc just seems to box us into thinking of attraction in terms of gender, rather than in terms of the individual.

[rei]

@BitterFlower: maybe i need to clarify. i was not saying that my bisexual tendencies make me confused. i was saying that i feel like i could be mostly homosexual but i have a genuine, non-socially-triggered confusion about it. from your post it seems i needed to clarify, and i hope my attempt to show the distinction is clear.

also i used to think as you do about relationships. i did not see myself willing to have a relationship with a female because, as someone who's had mostly male friends, i just did not think i could want or handle the extra drama (i used to say girls were too crazy to date). but i realized that is a massive assumption and judgment on my part (and i am not assuming your own reasons are similar to mine). if i am a relatively low-drama female, laid back, down to earth etc. etc. then there are other females who are allergic to the drama queendom as well.

thanks for going out on a limb. i sense you had some hesitation to use any labels, so i appreciate that you chose to respond.

@SomeRandomGuy: i agree with what you're saying about attraction. in the past, the women i fooled around with were chosen because i was actually interested in them as individuals, not because they were women and i wanted to do the trendy (at that point) same-sex exploration. i also agree with you about the social pressures, but i do think there is to an extent less pressure for women. i guess maybe it's because so many men (in a social structure that was originally founded with a male hierarchy) have a fantasy about two women. i don't want to speculate, but i do think women in same-sex unions tend to be better tolerated overall. thank you for your post as well.

i realize i should not let society dictate how i define myself, nor would i want to when i can help it. maybe a part of this is being raised to value mainstream ideals, but i'm doing my best to set that completely aside to figure out where i really stand. the issue here is not really about being bisexual, it's more about thinking i might actually be a lesbian who didn't realize it before. so i am wondering more about how to sort that out by myself before i visit the local same-sex hangout.

as i write about this, i am having a tendency to think, if this is a question in my mind, it is also the answer - if i am wondering whether or not i am more gay than straight, i probably am. but i was still hoping for others' perspectives here. less about social stigma and labels, more about how to get clear about where i stand. it's not that i don't appreciate the responses, because i definitely do. i just figure if i clarify what i'm asking for it may help.

[BitterFlower]

^^^Oh, ok, I get you now

I'm not sure how to answer because I know that I'm not a lesbian, but I'm not sure how my lesbian friends and family came to the conclusion that they were lesbians. We don't really talk about it in-depth. Hopefully someone else in this forum can chime in and help.

[MichaelMaxwell]

You ever read Jung? Anima and animus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Is it possible you are just integrating your animus (male side) into your psyche?
I think perspective is a pretty variable thing, especially in terms of what you find attractive. Who knows, you might wake up and be attracted to grape fruit tomorrow. So if its distressing to you at all, maybe you should just concentrate on the nonsexual aspects of life for a bit and come back to it when it doesnt seem like an urgent problem.

[rei]

MichaelMaxwell, i'm familiar with those Jungian concepts. i've had a bit of a masculine quality for years though (personality, not so much appearance). could it be a sudden integration if the masculinity has already been acknowledged and accepted?

the issue itself isn't really distressing, and if there is any urgency it is coming from a desire to have a definitive understanding... not really about the sexuality as much as knowing something. maybe part of this is getting comfortable with less clarity, i dunno. thanks for your ideas, and yeah who knows... if i decide to fall in love with a grape fruit you're all invited to the wedding.

[MichaelMaxwell]

"Comfortable with less clarity" I like that. Maybe we all just need to accept our own confusion.

[AtomicAnt]

Rei,

I've had lots of close gay friends for years. They aren't into role playing and I think their relationships are as strong, if not stronger, than straight couples I've known. Most I know are lesbians. I think their relationships are happier than those lesbians who are into role playing. They've talked about that and it's long to explain.

What I'm saying is don't worry about what role you're in - you don't have to be into one AT ALL. You're both just women in love. Most lesbians were tomboys to a degree, so that doesn't mean anything.

I think you'll find all kinds out there and the bar scene is the roughest. Plus, the bar scene tends to be young women, mostly in their 20s.

Some lesbians, on the other hand, are very much into role playing. I don't know any who like to wear dresses, so it's not as easy as that to meet someone and instantly know if they're one of the role-playing ones. Sounds like you aren't into that. But the role players often look the part because that's what they like, which is cool by me. I'm just trying to explain since you seem totally new to this. Sometimes, one woman will be very butch and one will be very feminine, but it's often not so extreme.

If you already have a woman in mind and you can't figure out what role you vibe in, then you're not in a role. You're not with a role player or you'd know it. It's just like figuring out if a man is too macho or weak for you; it's the same intuition.

I hope I've helped in some way.

Lesbian feelings can surface at any stage of life. Congratulations to you that you have enough inner reflection to realize that in yourself. I think when you realize it, you have no choice but to be yourself and be happy!

[rei]

Originally Posted by AtomicAnt

Rei,

I've had lots of close gay friends for years. They aren't into role playing and I think their relationships are as strong, if not stronger, than straight couples I've known. Most I know are lesbians. I think their relationships are happier than those lesbians who are into role playing. They've talked about that and it's long to explain.

What I'm saying is don't worry about what role you're in - you don't have to be into one AT ALL. You're both just women in love. Most lesbians were tomboys to a degree, so that doesn't mean anything.

I think you'll find all kinds out there and the bar scene is the roughest. Plus, the bar scene tends to be young women, mostly in their 20s.

Some lesbians, on the other hand, are very much into role playing. I don't know any who like to wear dresses, so it's not as easy as that to meet someone and instantly know if they're one of the role-playing ones. Sounds like you aren't into that. But the role players often look the part because that's what they like, which is cool by me. I'm just trying to explain since you seem totally new to this. Sometimes, one woman will be very butch and one will be very feminine, but it's often not so extreme.

If you already have a woman in mind and you can't figure out what role you vibe in, then you're not in a role. You're not with a role player or you'd know it. It's just like figuring out if a man is too macho or weak for you; it's the same intuition.

I hope I've helped in some way.

Lesbian feelings can surface at any stage of life. Congratulations to you that you have enough inner reflection to realize that in yourself. I think when you realize it, you have no choice but to be yourself and be happy!

yes, your response has been very helpful, thank you
i am in my late 20s actually (got a birthday this friday!). been to a GLBT bar here in my town, so i may know what you mean about them being rough. and i wouldn't say i am totally new to non-straight sexuality, but the switch from bi to lez feels like a big step. so just trying to make sense of it...

it's funny, i'll have these moments where i think something like 'maybe i should get my hair cut short again' (since i actually like the idea of wearing certain, er, things to provide some 'artificial' fulfillment). but there's a spiritual reason my hair is long (and i am not really very dominant in those situations). so i have those moments, but mostly i am realizing i don't need to fit myself into a stereotypical idea for this. i can still be me. two long-haired females who actually like to wear a skirt now and then could have a fulfilling relationship, just as two women with boyish haircuts who change their figures to seem more masculine can have a fulfilling relationship. a woman may look straight because this is a hetero-centric culture, but that doesn't mean she is totally straight. anyway, i think i am now in some identity-integration stage... no specific woman in mind yet (well, other than Angelina Jolie... gawd she's hot)...

so thanks AtomicAnt, again, very helpful

[Michelle]

Originally Posted by MichaelMaxwell

You ever read Jung? Anima and animus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Is it possible you are just integrating your animus (male side) into your psyche?

This resonates with me.

Also, what is preventing you from simply being joyously experamentive and curious concerning your sexuality? It seems to me you could have lots of fun allowing the universe to guide you to your answer.

Or perhaps you are simply someone capable of loving a person as opposed to their gender?

[rei]

Originally Posted by Michelle

This resonates with me.

Also, what is preventing you from simply being joyously experamentive and curious concerning your sexuality? It seems to me you could have lots of fun allowing the universe to guide you to your answer.

Or perhaps you are simply someone capable of loving a person as opposed to their gender?

did you mean that resonates for you personally or applied to my situation?

joyous experimentation sounds like a wonderful option... why i am writing about it here instead of going out is because i'd like to get a bit clearer... i had a major intuitive confirmation to the idea of being a lesbian (which just happened again when i got present to ask about it), and that caught me by surprise when it first happened. so maybe this is my way of integrating it before i explore in more worldly ways.

thanks for your ideas Michelle

[ssandra]

I don´t know if this will be helpful for you or not, but i´ll share my personal experience.

I consider myself to be bi, although I have had several boyfriends and only one girlfriend (which was my worst relationship ever! Since she was using all kinds of drugs and just wasnt my type... but he, I thought I was bi, so I should like all girls... I was young )

Anyway. In my experience I have found that so far I develop very easily feelings of being in love, infatuation for girls, while I feel more lust with men. I am married now to a wonderful men, and most of my long term relationships have been with boys and men.

I decided (after my horrible relationship with this girl) that I would stop considering the gender of people. So far it works out perfectly. I like who I like because of who they are. It doesn´t matter if they are men or women anymore.

Maybe that is an idea for you as well? Stop trying to label yourself or your sexuality. If you like a person, you like a person. If not, then you don´t. If you like a person but do not like the sex with them, it´s probably best to just be friends (if there is no room for improvement). With men or women!

Speaking of sex... although I enjoy making love to women, I do not like oral sex with them. There´s just something about it that I do not like. And that is ok. It is just as if I would not like oral sex with a men. You can do it sometimes to please your partner, but you are not obligated to like it just because you are a lesbian or in a girl-girl relationship.

[Michelle]

Originally Posted by rei

did you mean that resonates for you personally or applied to my situation?

joyous experimentation sounds like a wonderful option... why i am writing about it here instead of going out is because i'd like to get a bit clearer... i had a major intuitive confirmation to the idea of being a lesbian (which just happened again when i got present to ask about it), and that caught me by surprise when it first happened. so maybe this is my way of integrating it before i explore in more worldly ways.

thanks for your ideas Michelle

It resonates for the situation you described in your OP and with my own past experience.

There was a period of a few years where I was not sure if I was gay bi or straight. It seemed to change daily. Needless to say, I was very confused.

In the end it had to do with issues with my parents and blocking my own masculine and feminine energies until I was basically an "it". It needed a few years of therapy before I was finally able to allow those blocked parts to flow, but when I did everything became clear.

And even though I am straight now, I still feel free to appreciate the beauty of the female body. Otherwise how could I appreciate my own?

If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

[Chris_1977]

Women are generally more sexually fluid than men. Quite a few women are capable of feeling attraction for women as well. Besides that, the sexual nature of women is more subject to change than that of men. The large majority of men are either heterosexual or homosexual and that is it for the rest of their lives. Also the percentage of gay men is larger than the percentage of gay women.

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Chris_1977

Women are generally more sexually fluid than men. Quite a few women are capable of feeling attraction for women as well. Besides that, the sexual nature of women is more subject to change than that of men. The large majority of men are either heterosexual or homosexual and that is it for the rest of their lives. Also the percentage of gay men is larger than the percentage of gay women.

I think it's more due to culture than nature. There is a heavy stigma attached to male homosexuality, whereas lesbianism, being seen as non penetrative, is globally considered non threatening (I know that many gay men don't have penetrative sex, and that you don't have to be gay to enjoy receiving butt sex, but that's the image attached to it). So for a man to acknowledge and/or act on his homosexual tendencies creates a lot more social friction than it does for women. The few who go against the social norm are those whose tendencies are strong enough to be close to 100% gay. That's why male sexuality appears more binary and immuable than female sexuality. In a context where social judgment is truly lifted though, I'm pretty sure they'd have similar bell curves.

[James81]

Maybe the issue isn't with your sexuality. Maybe it's with the level of masculinity you feel you have within you. That's the thing I notice the most about your posts. You keep coming back to that point: that you are a tom-boyish type of woman. I'd explore that area FIRST and see what comes out of it.

Perhaps you are convincing yourself that since you are a tom-boy of sorts, then that means you must have some sort of desire to women?

I dunno, I'm just throwing stuff out there. Maybe the issue isn't that you aren't sure if you are bi or not. Maybe the issue is that you feel compelled to run away from your heterosexuality based on how your feel about your femininity/masculinity?

The reason I say that is because of what you said about your one lesbian sex experience. If you didn't enjoy the sex, it's possible that you aren't really into that kind of thing. Maybe you just need a deeper connection with other females that doesn't involve sex.

LIke I said, I'm just throwing out stuff for you to think about. The one thing I am for sure about is that you should spend some time examining your femininity and masculinity and coming to terms with that. That seems to be an issue with you whether you consciously realize it or not.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by aelle

The few who go against the social norm are those whose tendencies are strong enough to be close to 100% gay. That's why male sexuality appears more binary and immuable than female sexuality. In a context where social judgment is truly lifted though, I'm pretty sure they'd have similar bell curves.

Yes there is more of a stigma, there isn't actually a male equivilent term for Lesbian..

I'd guess a reason that women are more bisexual than men (generally) might be the hunter-gatherer thing?

Like women to women friendships generally have more sharing involved.. and guy to guy friendships we don't hug our friends, typically we'll play sports together, or go to the pub and drink beer together, you know?

[Chris_1977]

Originally Posted by aelle

I think it's more due to culture than nature. There is a heavy stigma attached to male homosexuality, whereas lesbianism, being seen as non penetrative, is globally considered non threatening (I know that many gay men don't have penetrative sex, and that you don't have to be gay to enjoy receiving butt sex, but that's the image attached to it). So for a man to acknowledge and/or act on his homosexual tendencies creates a lot more social friction than it does for women. The few who go against the social norm are those whose tendencies are strong enough to be close to 100% gay. That's why male sexuality appears more binary and immuable than female sexuality. In a context where social judgment is truly lifted though, I'm pretty sure they'd have similar bell curves.

Actually, there is evidence that this is not the case. It appears that one factor in the causation of male homosexuality is that the immune system of the mother sometimes attacks some specifically male proteins during the development of the male fetus. This then leads to the development of the part of the brain that does sexual attraction in more or less the same way as would be the case for female fetusses. This can only be a factor for male homosexuality, obviously.

[aelle]

The fact that attraction may be hardwired does not negate the fact that acknowledging it and acting on it depends on social factors.

[James81]

Originally Posted by aelle

The fact that attraction may be hardwired

I don't think that attraction is hardwired.

[aelle]

Neither do I (hence the "may"), and I think it's irrelevant. But that's what Chris was arguing for.

[rei]

ok i'll bite and see where it goes. i still think the intuitive resonance thing is an important part of this, but there could be multiple things going on here as well.

how would i integrate the masculinity? i don't think i judge myself for those qualities, if anything i am proud that i am not like the stereotypical, 'what's wrong? -nothing' female.

i took a look at the page about the Jung concepts and found this in reference to the inner male in females: "The process of Animus development deals with cultivating an independent and non-socially subjugated idea of self by embodying a deeper word (as per a specific existential outlook) and manifesting this word."

i definitely have an existential outlook that is not socially sanctioned, and i share that view freely as long as i won't disrespect a person's free will. (i used to just share it in all settings, but this became problematic and i realized honoring others' free will is an appropriate step).

so anyway, those who think this is not really about sexual preference, how would i go about acknowledging the masculine traits more than i already do?

[MichaelMaxwell]

From what I understand the four stages of development represent the opposite sex inside your psyche and it runs parallel to your view of the opposite sex.

So like when I was 18 and thought of women as wicked and cruel and sex objects it was because that is what I thought of the female side of my own psyche. Then you have the next step where women can be ok, maybe. Then you go to Mary where they women can be divine creatures and the female side of my psyche would perhaps be put on a pedestal and never touched. The ultimate goal however is complete acceptence of the opposite sex as equal to your sex and fully integrating that opposite sex into your psyche. This is sometimes exemplified by the Mona Lisa which is said by some to be Leonardo painting himself as a woman.

So maybe by looking at how you view men in a general sense you can see at what point you are at integrating the male inside you into your psyche? And if you want to integrate the male more into your psyche maybe you can concentrate on thinking of ways that you think the male population arent quite 'as real' as the female?

This is just as I understand it.

[rei]

Originally Posted by MichaelMaxwell

From what I understand the four stages of development represent the opposite sex inside your psyche and it runs parallel to your view of the opposite sex.

So like when I was 18 and thought of women as wicked and cruel and sex objects it was because that is what I thought of the female side of my own psyche. Then you have the next step where women can be ok, maybe. Then you go to Mary where they women can be divine creatures and the female side of my psyche would perhaps be put on a pedestal and never touched. The ultimate goal however is complete acceptence of the opposite sex as equal to your sex and fully integrating that opposite sex into your psyche. This is sometimes exemplified by the Mona Lisa which is said by some to be Leonardo painting himself as a woman.

So maybe by looking at how you view men in a general sense you can see at what point you are at integrating the male inside you into your psyche? And if you want to integrate the male more into your psyche maybe you can concentrate on thinking of ways that you think the male population arent quite 'as real' as the female?

This is just as I understand it.

thanks for the response Michael. honestly, this doesn't really feel like what i need, and i don't think i'm resisting but in case it will help i'll continue this approach.

i don't really even feel comfortable forming an opinion about men in general because there are many different types of men. some are brutal and act like modern-day conquerors, some are sensitive and gentle. some are macho and dominate, some are kinda wimpy. and then there's every shade of gray between the extremes. i'm not a man-hater but don't feel dependent on a man either.

i did find this quote: "Since the unindividuated woman has not consciously developed any of her symbolically masculine qualities (e.g. logic, leadership, need for independence), her personality is apt to be taken over or "possessed" by these qualities at times..."

but the problem with this is i have developed logic (not just opinion), leadership, and independence. i don't like neediness, in fact i am repulsed by it... maybe that means i am not comfortable with that stereotypically feminine trait (though there are also needy men). or maybe the repulsion comes from how i do have needs and can feel that same sort of urgency at times (hello shadow! feel free to be welcomed with love into my integrated self). i'm not comfortable when it seems like someone's happiness depends on me because i don't like to depend on others for my happiness. but if i really need help, i can ask for it, and i don't really have that characteristic need to prove myself that often comes with independent women, meaning i don't wait until everything is falling apart to ask for help.

on the same page of that quote, i saw that the integration of anima and animus is androgyny. i'd say i'm pretty androgynous, even more so when my hair is a bit shorter, but not just physically. that's probably one reason i'm so attracted to angelina jolie, she's very androgynous. and why i like the aesthetics of the typical pretty boy. maybe also why i had trouble figuring out whether i would be a butch or a femme, because i have qualities of both.

i don't think i'm resisting this idea, i usually know when i'm resisting. if anything, i'm more comfortable with masculinity than femininity. but i still wear light makeup and an occasional skirt.

i do appreciate your post, and even if it doesn't feel like it's really getting at what i'm needing, i'm still open to this way of looking at the issue if you or anyone else has ideas.

[James81]

Originally Posted by rei

so anyway, those who think this is not really about sexual preference, how would i go about acknowledging the masculine traits more than i already do?

My point wasn't for you to embrace the masculine traits more than you already do.

My point was to face your femininity and see where that leads you. I suspect that you fear your femininity and that if you trace it back to it's root, you're going to discover a situation in your past where the issue arose, but you, at the time, didn't have the ability to deal with it (perhaps because you were too young).

[Gabo]

I agree with your initial post rei. I think sexuality is much more complex than the modern labels typically used ("hetero", "homo", and "bi"). Due to modern culture and social convention, most people try to fit themselves in one of the strict labels of heterosexual or homosexual, but most people actually fall somewhere in between.

Alfred Kinsey did research into the subject of sexuality and developed a 7 point scale (0 to 6) to measure the sexual preferences of participants. What he found was that only 38% of the population is strictly heterosexual (a 0 on his scale), with the rest of the population falling in categories ranging from predominantly heterosexual all the way to strictly homosexual.

I would urge you to reject any labels of your sexuality, and also reject labels of "roles" to fulfill within a relationship. Even among people of similar sexuality, there is a great deal of difference in what kinds of things people like to do with each other.

The important thing is for you to feel comfortable with your sexuality, regardless of which gender(s) your are attracted to. Trying to force yourself into a category will only make you feel that you are inadequate or confused about your sexuality.

[suddentwist]

Much of what I would say has already been said, so I will write about my own personal experience instead.

As a child I only played with boys - girls really frustrated me. As I grew up, I was almost terrified of girls. I thought they were too loud, too sporadic in their emotions and overall, I stayed clear. I made a few girlfriends in highschool and my "fear" of women subsided. This is when I first noticed a strange attraction to women. Of course, I never thought much about it. I dated guys and I was really into them. In University, while eating lunch with my girlfriends I saw her. In my eyes she was perfect. The whole night I was in a daze - I didn't know what just happened to me. How could I be so sexually attracted to a woman? I decided then to pursue this new found feeling and see where it goes. Lucky for me, the girl at the restaurant was also interested in me (perhaps that's what the intense attraction was about? some sort of connection?). I took this as a sign. We spent some wonderful nights and days together, but then she had to leave. Summer was over. She was from France.

As you can imagine, I was terribly confused about my sexuality after that. I loved being with her, but I also loved being with some of the men I had been with. Bisexuality? I started "labeling" myself as that - but only privately. I never publicized anything and I never visited gay bars. I simply accepted the fact that I was bisexual. At this point in my life however, I was more attracted to women due to my wonderful experience with French girl. I hardly noticed men - I was in love with women. I had some other nice nights with a couple of other women, but the same feeling wasn't there. The sex was good, but nothing fantastic. Then I met the man. He swooped me off my feet and there I was, having great sex again. It was then that I realized that it's not the gender that I'm after. It's really the person.

Personally, I don't label myself as anything anymore. I just am with who I am at the moment and that's all that matters to me. I wish that's all that mattered to everyone, but unfortunately in our world everything has to be labeled. Labels however cause confusion, fear and depression - exactly the reason why I decided to take labels out of my life.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Chris_1977

Women are generally more sexually fluid than men. Quite a few women are capable of feeling attraction for women as well. Besides that, the sexual nature of women is more subject to change than that of men. The large majority of men are either heterosexual or homosexual and that is it for the rest of their lives. Also the percentage of gay men is larger than the percentage of gay women.

I've wondered for a long time how a gay man manages to pretend to be hetero enough to have sexual relationships with girlfriends and get married and so on, y'know, trying hard to overcome the attraction to men. I've wondered if even if he's gay, he's just bi enough to pull it off somehow. I know two guys personally who went this route but once they came out, they never looked back. It's hard for me to imagine being that good of an actor.

[seeker5]

I don't understand how masculinity and femininity has anything to do with which gender you prefer to have sex with. You can be a man with mostly feminine energy and prefer to have sex with women, and you can be a woman with mostly masculine energy and prefer to have sex with a man. Vice versa too, you can have masculine men prefer to have sex with other men and feminine women who prefer to have sex with other women.