might be gay?

[pyrogen]

The best way to deal with this, Rei, is just to get into a lesbian oriented community of some sort and go date some girls. And just because you don't click with any immediately doesn't mean anything. It took me years after "coming out" to actually have a girlfriend, but in the meantime, I'd had some crushes.

No, kissing a drunk girl in a bar or attempting to sleep with another bicurious girl from Craigslist will not give you the information and may even be a negative experience... rule of thumb on these things is if you would regret doing it with a guy, you'd probably regret doing the same thing with a girl. Some women try to rush into getting their "first girlfriend" (losing your gay virginity) out of the way and IMO, that's the wrong way to go about things. You'll know whether you "sleep" with someone or not, just like most 14 year old heterosexuals know that they're hetero.

Just get around some gay and bi girls, make friends and sooner or later, nature will take its course if it's going to happen.

You may also never be entirely settled on your sexuality, and it's a spectrum.

Many people who identify as gay or straight are pressured to do so for social reasons - I felt immense pressure to come out as a lesbian (I'm bi... lean more toward women... but still bi). The gay community has its own kind of insidious and nasty groupthink.

But, this "spectrum" stuff - yes, there is a spectrum and it's called the Kinsey Scale. Many people are Kinsey 1s and Kinsey 5s, not 0s or 6s. Plenty of people are 4s and 2s, too.

Originally Posted by aelle

That's a very interesting way to put it. I'm also a little bothered by the use of gendered words to refer to these concepts - I guess because it sort of implies that someone of a given gender should fit the 'energy' of their gender? I don't know much about yin/yang, but other dichotomies would work fine for me... femme/butch, for example. Or red/blue, while we're at it

I actually like the idea of dichotomies; it helps to have roles and some of the longest-lived, happiest relationships I've known, had clearly defined roles even if they were only "I'll do the dishes and you take out the trash". Role-less relationships are some kind of high falutin ideal but in practice, you end up fighting over every single thing and having power struggles... AMHIK

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

That's actually what is implied (actually meant) by masculine/feminine energies. It isn't about genders (male/female as in sex organs).

A man can have mostly feminine energy and a woman can have mostly masculine energy. There is nothing wrong with either energies, other than the fact that society wants to put people in a "box" for their own comfort.

That said, the obvious observation is that the majority of humans with male sex organs tend to exhibit more masculine energy, and vice versa. I don't necessarily know if that has to do with biology or social conditioning, or both.

I too don't care much for labels. For example, because (now that I have no shame about things) I can openly admit to finding a girl attractive, I'm pretty sure most people here have labeled me bi. That's their problem. I don't know what that means. I'm mostly attracted to masculine energy. I just know that I appreciate a good looking woman, and maybe the fact that I'd never considered falling in love with one might have more to do with social/cultural taboo than actual authenticity on my part.

That was something new I learned about the term "queer" by the way. I always viewed it negatively. These days I seem to be learning new things everyday, so fast my head is spinning.

The fact that you use the term "considered" next to "falling in love" makes me think you're more straight-leaning.

One thing that's confusing in our society is that women often think that just because we find women beautiful, or even like to look at the female body, that we lean a certain way... when it often just isn't true.

[BulletsAndDoves]

Right now I'm strongly attracted to men, but once in awhile I'll find women attractive. In real life I admit it's hard for me to find a woman attractive. I've just felt to be 100% gay for a long time now.

I get that things are on a spectrum. I'm trying hard not to like limit myself or like label myself, but the only reason why I *do* label myself as gay is because the natural feelings of my same sex are so pure. When I go out in society, I just naturally get a hard on if I see a hot guy- I notice a hot woman and I can notice she's attractive, but I don't physically respond to them.

If I do end up being with a woman though, it's cool. I agree that most people aren't as gay as me though lol. Like the men I've been attracted to have been more straight-ish...not because I hate being gay or hate other gay people, or that I'm feminine, that's just how most men are and so that's who I end up falling for. But really it doesn't go too well, I'll probably have more luck going after guys who are also mostly gay.

Yeah it can be annoying when people sometimes over-relate some of my self-esteem issues to me being gay. I have lots of gay friends and they are completely different from me and have absolutely none of my hang-ups. and I have none of theirs.