might be gay?

[MidasGirl]

Who wouldn't be attracted to the feminine form and energy? Obviously 3 billion men can't be wrong

[James81]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Who wouldn't be attracted to the feminine form and energy? Obviously 3 billion men can't be wrong

True, but it's mostly just the feminine form tho.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by James81

True, but it's mostly just the feminine form tho.

James.........you're not attracted to feminine energy? Not judging, just clarifying.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by suddentwist

...
Personally, I don't label myself as anything anymore. I just am with who I am at the moment and that's all that matters to me. I wish that's all that mattered to everyone, but unfortunately in our world everything has to be labeled. Labels however cause confusion, fear and depression - exactly the reason why I decided to take labels out of my life.

Thanks! We indeed put way too much energy in keeping up with labels. Who cares if we don't?

Great story BTW!

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Who wouldn't be attracted to the feminine form and energy? Obviously 3 billion men can't be wrong

Oh yes we can, but you're irresistible

[Chris_1977]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I've wondered for a long time how a gay man manages to pretend to be hetero enough to have sexual relationships with girlfriends and get married and so on, y'know, trying hard to overcome the attraction to men. I've wondered if even if he's gay, he's just bi enough to pull it off somehow. I know two guys personally who went this route but once they came out, they never looked back. It's hard for me to imagine being that good of an actor.

I do not really know as I never was in that situation, so if you want to know you really should ask those two. What I can imagine is that it is a form of misplaced heroism. The idea of accomplishing something through great toil pleases the soul of men but at the same time many men are not really in touch with what their true desires are. Hence, one finds so many men off on quests that are not worth it and not going anywhere. The details of it sure aren't pretty. Maybe he imagines that he is actually f*cking something else, maybe he is just stomaching having sex once every few weeks and not enjoying it but the physical stimulation is enough to get him of. Maybe he is watching gay porn on the side... who knows... all the while telling himself that it is all part of his learning process to be a real man.

[James81]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

James.........you're not attracted to feminine energy? Not judging, just clarifying.

Depends on what that even means.

[rei]

i think you two have your wires crossed... i think James was saying he really likes the female body in a clever way, not that he is interested in men.

right James, or am i putting words in your mouth?!

thanks to everyone who has commented on the OP. i have set aside the need for a label and will allow the attractions and magnetism to direct me independent of gender.

[James81]

Originally Posted by rei

i think you two have your wires crossed... i think James was saying he really likes the female body in a clever way, not that he is interested in men.

right James, or am i putting words in your mouth?!

Oops, lol. Didn't even think it could be taken in that way. But you are correct.

And I'm attracted to the back of the feminine form moreso than the front. (read: clever way to say I'm an ass man )

[rei]

lol
no witty retorts at the moment... i'll get back to ya. or i've got back for ya.

[James81]

Originally Posted by rei

lol
or i've got back for ya.

I, of course, will await for the pics in my inbox with bated breath.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by James81

And I'm attracted to the back of the feminine form moreso than the front. (read: clever way to say I'm an ass man )

We can admire the same women simultaneously then James, I'm more attracted to the front (and no, not one area in particular - pars pro toto AND totum pro parte I say ).

Any side guys here?

[songindarkness]

Hi Rei,

It's easy to be confused about sexuality and gender. I still am! I have many friends who are gay and bi, and I am attracted to both genders but I've only been with men, so I generally say I'm straight because I've not had much desire to explore being with a woman. I find that a lot of people see gender and sexuality as the same thing but they are not. Being androgynous or a masculine woman, feeling more butch or femme on one day than another... I think it's ok that your gender feels fluid. I don't think you should worry that you are misreprenting yourself. Having long hair or wearing skirts and being attracted to women isn't really contradictory! Sexuality is something that I think is related to gender but being confused about sexuality and confused about gender are two different things. I think that what Michelle said about "joyful exploration" is the best bet too. Imagining what you would like to have out of a sexual experience is important. I think that it's easy to get hung up on sex whereas really, what is most important, is finding the connection with someone that is especially good, and then the sex will follow. Hope I made a little sense. Good luck!

[rei]

thank you songindarkness. yes your post made sense.
ironically in one of my classes yesterday the topic was gender and sexuality. people tend to be both fascinated and uncomfortable with the idea that gender is fluid.

of course the discussion still involved people saying they don't think bisexuality is legitimate (not picking a side or a detour on the way from straight to gay), and that was annoying.

yes there are some people who decide they are bi because it's fashionable, but just like medical malpractice, this can create unneeded discomfort for someone who has a more genuine reason for acting on that choice.

[ohTen]

wow. i am in the exact same place right now. It recently became embarrassingly obvious to me that I am very, very attracted to women. When I think about my childhood and everything, it makes perfect sense. But like you, I do not enjoy the actual consummation of this proclivity (for the exact same reason!). I much prefer sex with men, even though I am not as physically attracted to them.

I recently decided that I wanted to give being with a female partner another go. I don't think that all men enjoy...you know...the first time they try it, so why should I expect that I would? I couldn't date a man right now if I wanted to. I need to have this experience first. I just see too much potential for growth, happiness, and unbelievable pleasure. That's not to say that I don't like men. I do, just not as much as I like women. This is hard because it's much easier to find men to date.

I don't feel any need to consciously express my preferences outwardly (i.e. no gay pride, no dramatic "coming out", no buzzcut). Even though I've had this realization, the outer part of me does not really need to change in any calculated way. The rest of my life - my work, school, style, choice of friends - doesn't need to be affected by this. Whose business is it who I date other than my own? Most people I meet will probably never, ever find out. I like it that way, as I'm generally very private about my personal life anyway. To whom do I owe an explanation for my choices? Nobody - social norms are just a construction, after all. The main benefit that accepting and acknowledging this part of me has is that it's enabling me to be more comfortable with my whole self.

So what? I'm gay...ish. I can't really label myself, nor do I have a desire to. I like women and I like men. But I don't tell the world I'm a "gay-leaning bisexual". Labels are just a way for people to try and comprehend something that they can't understand. But ultimately, calling myself this would be false. When it comes to love, someone's gender doesn't matter to me. When it comes to sex, there's so much more than physical makeup that goes into attraction. The truth is that I'm just myself, plain and simple.

I hope you come out of your confusion soon. I know how it feels and don't wish that inner strife on anybody.

[rei]

thanks ohTen. very thoughtful response.
i find the acceptance comes in waves, i accept it, and then i allow other things to cover over that (including tasks i need to complete in my life), and then there is another wave of mindful acceptance.

which i say is much preferable to the massive confusion i felt before. so there is definite progress. i have heard the inner voice, the voice i find myself fighting with at times, is quite persistent.

as you said, who i choose to date is my business. i will probably date a woman next to see what that is all about - unless i feel myself drawn to a man but right now i don't think that is likely - i think synchronicity will see to it.

and at least i'm now aware of those specific layers of social expectation that influenced me before... also a part of my dating history was a way for me to work through some grief over losing my father, and it has served its purpose.

thanks again to you and all the previous posters.