Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

The Daredevil · 10-22-2009, 08:17 AM

Is it rite to propose to a person(of opposite sex) who has been a friend of mine for so long...??? the person was a great friend of mine for the past 3 years... i have done project and all sorts of college activities along with that person... Till a few months back i didn't have any idea of loving that person.... But suddenly i have started feeling that why shouldn't the person be my life partner???... Because I feel I am at my best and at home when i am with that person.... I feel that the person also likes me...

Am I doing any injustice to friendship or am I spoiling the sanctity and chastity of Friendship???? Because one of my other friends(who is a friend to us both) severed ties with me stating that i have spoiled the meaning of the very word "FRIENDSHIP" when i told him that i am in love with that person...

I was very much depressed on seeing him leaving me.... Is it a sin to love a friend???.....

Brutha · 10-22-2009, 12:02 PM

Say Bob loves Alice. Alice and Corel are friends. Bob doesn't tell Alice that he loves her but Bob tells Corel that he loves Alice.

That puts Corel into a bad position because she has to either without information from Alice or create an akward situation by telling her about how Bob loves her and doesn't know whether to tell her.

A better way would be if Bob would speak to Alice directly and try to intensify their relationship step by step.
Then he either hit a step where Alice doesn't want to go along and should accept that decision or he Alice starts to become his girlfriend.

marinik · 10-22-2009, 12:11 PM

Why would it be a sin??? In any religion?? I can understand if he she or he would be a spouse of an also close friend... or if the friend is a spouse of your sibling... or something on these lines... but just a friend!!???

BitterFlower · 10-23-2009, 05:07 AM

maybe your friend likes your friend?

IA with Brutha though.

seeker5 · 10-23-2009, 05:24 AM

It's perfectly all right to fall in love with a good friend. I've had friends whom I wasn't attracted to initially and then our friendship became deeper, or something changed and I started feeling attracted to her.

It's perfectly ok, and it does happen to some of us. When you notice the change, it's best to let the other person know. Otherwise, the friendship becomes a lie imo if you aren't upfront about how you feel toward your friend. Whether the other person reciprocate their feeling or not, it's better to be upfront when you have notice this shift in you and you'll feel relieved. Here's a good way to do this that Steve mentions: Initiating Relationships with Openness, Honesty, and Directness

Manomanman · 10-23-2009, 07:40 PM

If you're going to live in fear of what other people think about you, you're going to be angry and miserable your entire life.

If you love her, start getting busy

marinik · 10-25-2009, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BitterFlower

maybe your friend likes your friend?

IA with Brutha though.

But it does not go under the definition of sin!

Tanja · 10-25-2009, 10:54 AM

I don't see why it would be a sin either.
I'd tell that person how I feel.

SomeRandomGuy · 10-25-2009, 02:45 PM

First of all, I don't think it is every wrong to fall in love with someone. Love isn't something that you choose to do, it just happens.

Second, I don't see where the gender makes any difference in the discussion. The OP specifies opposite sex, but the same logic would apply for same sex friendships.

I would suggest not jumping to thoughts of making the friend a life partner before exploring a romantic relationship first. Even if your friend is interested in a romantic relationship, you may find that it isn't quite what you expected. You may decide that you'd rather have the person as a friend for life, than has a romantic partner for life.

seeker5 · 10-25-2009, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeRandomGuy

I would suggest not jumping to thoughts of making the friend a life partner before exploring a romantic relationship first. Even if your friend is interested in a romantic relationship, you may find that it isn't quite what you expected. You may decide that you'd rather have the person as a friend for life, than has a romantic partner for life.

You could also have the person as a friend for life, but as a romantic partner for a short while. It's perfectly ok to be friends for a long time, romantic partner for a short (or long while), and then back to being friends for a long time. However, it's good advice to not yet jump the gun yet and just take it one step at a time.

View Poll Results: Is it a sin to love a friend(of opposite sex)???
Yes, it is a sin	0	0%
No, it is not a sin	11	100.00%
Voters: 11. You may not vote on this poll

10-22-2009, 08:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
The Daredevil Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 13	Is it right to fall in love with a friend(of opposite sex) ???? Is it rite to propose to a person(of opposite sex) who has been a friend of mine for so long...??? the person was a great friend of mine for the past 3 years... i have done project and all sorts of college activities along with that person... Till a few months back i didn't have any idea of loving that person.... But suddenly i have started feeling that why shouldn't the person be my life partner???... Because I feel I am at my best and at home when i am with that person.... I feel that the person also likes me... Am I doing any injustice to friendship or am I spoiling the sanctity and chastity of Friendship???? Because one of my other friends(who is a friend to us both) severed ties with me stating that i have spoiled the meaning of the very word "FRIENDSHIP" when i told him that i am in love with that person... I was very much depressed on seeing him leaving me.... Is it a sin to love a friend???.....

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10-22-2009, 12:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
Brutha Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany Posts: 8,749	Say Bob loves Alice. Alice and Corel are friends. Bob doesn't tell Alice that he loves her but Bob tells Corel that he loves Alice. That puts Corel into a bad position because she has to either without information from Alice or create an akward situation by telling her about how Bob loves her and doesn't know whether to tell her. A better way would be if Bob would speak to Alice directly and try to intensify their relationship step by step. Then he either hit a step where Alice doesn't want to go along and should accept that decision or he Alice starts to become his girlfriend.

10-22-2009, 12:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
marinik Legendary Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Where Living and Loving and Laughing are written into the Constitution Posts: 14,240	Why would it be a sin??? In any religion?? I can understand if he she or he would be a spouse of an also close friend... or if the friend is a spouse of your sibling... or something on these lines... but just a friend!!???

10-23-2009, 05:07 AM	#4 (permalink)
BitterFlower Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 147	maybe your friend likes your friend? IA with Brutha though.

10-23-2009, 05:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
seeker5 Family Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,606	It's perfectly all right to fall in love with a good friend. I've had friends whom I wasn't attracted to initially and then our friendship became deeper, or something changed and I started feeling attracted to her. It's perfectly ok, and it does happen to some of us. When you notice the change, it's best to let the other person know. Otherwise, the friendship becomes a lie imo if you aren't upfront about how you feel toward your friend. Whether the other person reciprocate their feeling or not, it's better to be upfront when you have notice this shift in you and you'll feel relieved. Here's a good way to do this that Steve mentions: Initiating Relationships with Openness, Honesty, and Directness

10-23-2009, 07:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Manomanman Family Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Southern California Posts: 1,052	If you're going to live in fear of what other people think about you, you're going to be angry and miserable your entire life. If you love her, start getting busy

10-25-2009, 10:54 AM	#8 (permalink)
Tanja Retired Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 6,068	I don't see why it would be a sin either. I'd tell that person how I feel.

10-25-2009, 02:45 PM	#9 (permalink)
SomeRandomGuy Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: KY Posts: 824	First of all, I don't think it is every wrong to fall in love with someone. Love isn't something that you choose to do, it just happens. Second, I don't see where the gender makes any difference in the discussion. The OP specifies opposite sex, but the same logic would apply for same sex friendships. I would suggest not jumping to thoughts of making the friend a life partner before exploring a romantic relationship first. Even if your friend is interested in a romantic relationship, you may find that it isn't quite what you expected. You may decide that you'd rather have the person as a friend for life, than has a romantic partner for life.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums