Compatibility? Help!

[mariusa]

I'm so confused...what is this??
I am totally attracted to someone who is so different from me that I can't see how we would ever be able to have a relationship.
We have absoulutly nothing in common.
He is much younger than me.
I graduated college, he didn't finish highschool.
He's basically a hillbilly, redneck from the sticks.
I grew up in the middleclass suburbs.
He lives in a trailer. I live in a big expensive Victorian house.
He's never been married, has a lot of kids by different women and baggage that goes with it. I was longterm married...typical family, mom, dad, 2 two kids. (but also have been a bit damaged by the ending of that marriage.)
I have a management job, he is blue collar.
He's never traveled anywhere. I'm pretty well traveled.
He can be crude and I can be a priss.
Oh, I could go on and on. I don't know how my friends and family would react to him. Shocked comes to mind.
Other than the physical attraction...which I don't understand either (he is not my usual type...blonde, blue eyed, I like dark hair and eyes) I can appreciate that he has custody of 3 of his kids and seems to be a good Dad. We do have the some common values. He's a very hard worker. He can fix anything. He can be very thoughful, serious and sweet. We can talk on the phone for hours. I've dated others and have not had this attraction to someone in a long time....the excitement.
What do I do with this??
Could it ever work or is it going to end in disaster??
I'm so lost.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by mariusa

What do I do with this??
Could it ever work or is it going to end in disaster??

Forget about how it's going to end, focus on authentically relating free of "in order to's," date for fun, have some great sex, enjoy yourself!

Lighten up!

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Angela

Forget about how it's going to end, focus on authentically relating free of "in order to's," date for fun, have some great sex, enjoy yourself!

Lighten up!

I second this.

Do you realise that all you are saying, all your reasons why this will not work are very shallow...

Are your compatible in ways of solving issues? Do you feel the same about what you want from the future? Is he a caring person to you? Are you a caring person to him? You already stated that he is a good dad.
These are things more important than where somebody lives...

[TonyToneTone]

Through him you are giving an outlet to be more you. For instance, my gf is SO laid back, I love it. I wish and am working to be more like that. With me, she gets someone who is really driven and passionate, which she likes.

It's kind of like when you see really a big buff guy with a tiny petite woman. The guy gets to be his big self and she can go on being petite.

Make sense?

[ar81]

Ask yourself if both share a compatible life plan.
If not, then one of you may feel very bad after some time.
Non compatible life plans may involve not to get involved and be friends only.

[Manomanman]

Have as much sex with him as you possibly can. Enjoy it. And when you've outgrown the relationship, YOU need to be the one to break his heart.

1) Make sure you use contraception.

2) Break yourself of the belief that every relationship has to be "forever".

[mariusa]

These are some very interesting answers.
And I know I come off as being shallow. I hate that.
I worry that I would be able to adapt to his lifestyle but he would not be able to adapt to mine. For example, he's never owned a suit and I don't think he wants to either..fine, but I like to go to events that require some dressing up. While I'd be fine going camping and roughing it.
But we both feel the same way about kids and family and are both looking for that...a family. (Although that is definitely some way in the future thinking.)
I just love the idea of throwing away the thinking that a relationship has to last forever. I wish I could be free enought to just live for the moment and have tons of sex and not give a thought to "OMG someone's going to get hurt." I don't want to be the hurter or the hurtee. Also him being so young, I wonder how attached he could get.
I know this is very fear based for me. I'm dwelling on the possible consequences and I can only see them in a pessimistic view.
How do I stop myself? Should I stop myself?

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by Angela

date for fun, have some great sex, enjoy yourself!
Lighten up!

Originally Posted by Manomanman

2) Break yourself of the belief that every relationship has to be "forever".

If I were you I'd do this.

Originally Posted by mariusa

I'm dwelling on the possible consequences and I can only see them in a pessimistic view.
How do I stop myself? Should I stop myself?

To me it seems you really want to start a relationship with him. If you don't I believe it'll turn into one of those 'what ifs' in future. For me personally that's a much worse situation, wondering what might have been.
Maybe he's here to teach you to let go of all of those beliefs of yours...so go, learn

[ang569]

Sounds fun. Have great sex....just don't be the baby Mama of kid number 4. Use protection!

[mariusa]

OK, here's the rub in all this.....
His last baby mama lives with him. He says there is nothing between them. She is just there because she harrassed him into taking her in. He has custody of thier son and he is afraid if he throws her out she will take the kid or drum up charges that will have him arrested which she has done before. I think he also keeps her around for convenience. She is there to help him with his kids. I beleive there is nothing between them but just the fact that he is tangled in this mess with her.....
It's a big mess.
So technically, he is relly unavailable until the mess is cleaned up.
Shouldn't that be enough for me to stay away from him???

[rei]

Originally Posted by mariusa

OK, here's the rub in all this.....
His last baby mama lives with him. He says there is nothing between them. She is just there because she harrassed him into taking her in. He has custody of thier son and he is afraid if he throws her out she will take the kid or drum up charges that will have him arrested which she has done before. I think he also keeps her around for convenience. She is there to help him with his kids. I beleive there is nothing between them but just the fact that he is tangled in this mess with her.....
It's a big mess.
So technically, he is relly unavailable until the mess is cleaned up.
Shouldn't that be enough for me to stay away from him???

if you only want to have a physical relationship, that situation doesn't have to stop you. if you want something more, and if you want something healthy, then yeah perhaps better to wait because that is a sign of some pretty unhealthy patterns in relationships.

if it's just about having fun in the short-term, go for it anyway. you can even suggest ways to make healthier choices, just don't do that in the immediate aftermath of hooking up as many guys have trouble listening then.

[Tanja]

I agree with rei. First decide what it is that you want from him/this relationship.