confused..How should I act?

[zahra]

This is my first thread, and I must say it's a bit awkward. I am not one to really talk about my emotions or feelings, and try to keep as much in as possible. I wish somebody could just solve my life problems for me. I feel like a child. I am 20 years of age and a college junior. I am learning to take life day by day. Just trying to grow and be the best that I can be. What makes me happiest is being the best person I can be. Also reaching my goals. Anyway, after that short synopsis, I would like to specifically narrow down to my troubles with the other sex. I don't even know where to begin. I am so confused about what I want. First I feel like, I should concentrate on school and not worry about boys. Now I was hoping that maybe I could get a males perspective. I tend to make eye contact with almost everyone I walk by, and I notice that some men take that for flirting. I don't want to be flirt. So maybe you all can tell me how a lady should act. What your idea of a lady is. Also, I happen to be attracted to this guy that works at the gym, but he probably thinks I am crazy. I say hi to him sometimes and sometimes I ignore him. I don't understand why i do some of the things i do. I am pretty strange. Also, as soon as he shows any interest in me, I am uninterested in him. I don't know why I am like that. Its pretty wierd. I'll like people that are completely uninterested in me. If they like me, I want nothing to do with them almost. Does that mean I hate myself? lol. I know this is a whole bunch of randomness. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

[amj]

You have a lot going on in your mind, which is fine. I couldn't give you advice on everything but from what I have read, you seem to think a lot. Sometimes that can be a bad thing because there are times when we just need to live our lives and enjoy ourselves. Do what makes you happy.

[zahra]

I do get that a lot. I think way too much! I am afraid that If I don't cut it out, i'll develope some sort of neurotic disorder. It's just that I want to feel like I can control everything and so I am constantly thinking...thiking..seven steps ahead. It's CRAZy. But the sad truth is that I can't control everything. Infact I can't even control what happens to me. But thanks for the advice, i'll try to work it out!

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by zahra

I'll like people that are completely uninterested in me. If they like me, I want nothing to do with them almost.

Do you feel that there's something wrong with this?

[Ekb]

lol, you are reminding me of how i used to be!
I think perhaps you like that you are a little bit crazy and it keeps things interesting - or keeps you away from what you really want! I know you probably have a few times that you feel better than you normally do - gravitate more to those moments and try to have more of then, get things a little clearer and you'll come good

[zahra]

I think i do take some sort of pleasure in being just wierd! lol. thanks for the advice, i'll try and do that!

[zahra]

Ofcourse. How can I even begin a relationship with anyone, if as soon as they show any interest in me, I don't like them. Isn't that just a bit dysfunctional? I suspect the reason is because I am terrified of getting close to someone, it's very scary and so my mind plays tricks to keep me out of harms way. I mean I appreciate my mind or, whatever it is, for trying to keep me save, but my higher self understands that i need to keep things moving along, I don't want to stay stuck like this.
Thanks for the reply

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by zahra

as soon as they show any interest in me, I don't like them.

My impression, and of course I might be wrong here, is that you don't believe you're good enough, that only a ''loser'' (for lack of a better word) would fall for you. Your reasoning might be going like this: ''if this guy could fall for me, what's wrong with him?'' You think of him less if he shows an interest in you, because you maybe don't believe anyone ''worthwhile'' would be interested in you.

But I could be wrong so..

[ar81]

If you are confused, the first thing you need is inner peace.
Do not make decisions while confused.

[zahra]

Originally Posted by ar81

If you are confused, the first thing you need is inner peace.
Do not make decisions while confused.

tell me more aboout this inner peace please. Can you introduce me to it? Or do i just delve in?

[zahra]

Originally Posted by Tanja

My impression, and of course I might be wrong here, is that you don't believe you're good enough, that only a ''loser'' (for lack of a better word) would fall for you. Your reasoning might be going like this: ''if this guy could fall for me, what's wrong with him?'' You think of him less if he shows an interest in you, because you maybe don't believe anyone ''worthwhile'' would be interested in you.

But I could be wrong so..

Hey, I think you might be onto something, that was my original thought. Honestly I just want to get over it. It could be anything but what do i do to stop it? I just want to be happy and confident and open to people.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by zahra

Isn't that just a bit dysfunctional?
I mean I appreciate my mind or, whatever it is, for trying to keep me save, but my higher self understands that i need to keep things moving along, I don't want to stay stuck like this.

Why are you afraid not to start a relationship? Why can't you let the dysfunction win?