About Friendships

[norbert]

Many of you know from my other posts that I have lost my best friend in a car accident two weeks ago. Despite the fact that I'm lucky to have a bunch of friends, I still don't seem to be moving forward. I know that it has been only two weeks but I can't imagine any other friend being so close to me as he was. I feel alone and I am afraid I will never have such a close friendship again. If I hadn't experienced this, I wouldn't believe that such relationship is possible. It was like we were brothers.

I always wanted to have a brother, preferably some years younger so that I could pave him the way and help him live his life to the fullest. He was like that.

Not only I still want to spend my time with him, I don't feel like anybody else could mean to me what he did. He "felt" what I thought. If I made a single move, he instantly picked it up and knew what I was going to do or say and the opposite.

I have no specific questions but looking for any thoughts that come to your mind regarding this. What's the closest friendship you have in your life? What is it like? Do you know everything about each other (work/family/private life)? Do you trust and like each other unconditionally? Do you tell how much you respect and appreciate the other being part of your life? Do you plan your future together (build your homes next to each other, make common businesses, have common creative hobbies etc)?

[Jm4362]

I can't say I've ever had a close relationship like that with anyone--so I can't relate directly. It must be extremely painful for you. But at the same time I'm glad you've had the experience of this friendship.

[ncos]

Norbert,

This is so tragic. I just can't stop thinking about it. I have people who are very close to me, too. People who understand things about me that no one else does. They are the people who give me hope.

Reading your posts and your blog gives me a lot of hope, though. You seem like a very intelligent, strong, goal-driven person. I'm sure you'll find a way through this.

I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Colm OReilly]

Dude,

From someone who lost his best friend at Christmas I can only tell you that two weeks is no time to begin to think you should be back on your feet and moving forward.

You can either deny how you feel and repress it, which will only hurt your soul, or feel and go from there.

Think of making progress like this, there's a quote that says if it takes a man 100 strikes to crack a rock, on the 99 he still can't see if he's made progress. It wasn't the 100th alone that did it, but all the 99 before as well.

For my part, I'll try to stay true to my life purpose and continue to make my friend proud of me.

Colm

[Lola]

norbert - I have thought of you often since your posting of the death of your friend.

It is rare and beautiful to have such a friend. Colm is correct that two weeks is no time. For such a significant loss, it is not uncommon to grieve for a year or longer. It's been 10 years for me and still I am occasionally sucker-punched by such a tidal wave of grief it feels like it just happened.

Honor your grief. Cry all you need to. Remember the many joys this friend brought to your life. It will get easier to bear.

I promise.

Know that your friend will always be part of you and will always be with you. Know that because of him, you know how to be a great friend. And you will be again for someone who very much needs you for a friend.

Peace.

[dreki]

Hi Norbert,

I'm sorry about your loss, I just can't imagine what it must be like to lose your best friend.

The feelings that existed between you and your best friend, I can relate a lot to!! I have a friend like that too. He understands me better that anyone else, and although I care about many people, I feel he's the one who's always closer in my heart than anyone else. At times I've had fear that my future love, will never give me the same emotional response as my best friend does. I love him to death and he was the only one I loved when I was in a really, really dark place and didn't care about anybody.. But he was my light in the darkness and I am so honorod to have him in my life. Right now we live very far away from each other and at times we didn't speak for months, but I always had him in my heart no matter what. When I thought of him it made me a better person. And right now where I can love myself and other people again, he is still a bright star.
I don't think you have lost your friend in the emotional kind of way. He will always be with you no matter what and I am sure you will meet again someday.
Don't be scared to let other people in so close. I think that this experience has a purpose. They always do. We eventually figure out what the purpose is. Don't lose hope, grief has different stages, cry if you want to, cry if you need to, time will heal your wounds and you'll eventually come to terms with your grief.

All the best to you.

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by Colm OReilly

if it takes a man 100 strikes to crack a rock, on the 99 he still can't see if he's made progress. It wasn't the 100th alone that did it, but all the 99 before as well.

That is a great quote! Thank you! I hope it is alright if I place it in my signiture.

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by norbert

Many of you know from my other posts that I have lost my best friend in a car accident two weeks ago. Despite the fact that I'm lucky to have a bunch of friends, I still don't seem to be moving forward. I know that it has been only two weeks but I can't imagine any other friend being so close to me as he was. I feel alone and I am afraid I will never have such a close friendship again. If I hadn't experienced this, I wouldn't believe that such relationship is possible. It was like we were brothers.

I always wanted to have a brother, preferably some years younger so that I could pave him the way and help him live his life to the fullest. He was like that.

Not only I still want to spend my time with him, I don't feel like anybody else could mean to me what he did. He "felt" what I thought. If I made a single move, he instantly picked it up and knew what I was going to do or say and the opposite.

I have no specific questions but looking for any thoughts that come to your mind regarding this. What's the closest friendship you have in your life?

My best friend I always call Bear. I have a couple other people who I consider best friends but she is the one who is closest to me.

Originally Posted by norbert

What is it like?

Amazing. Even when we don’t get to talk as much as we wish to, I still think about her a lot and miss her.

Originally Posted by norbert

Do you know everything about each other (work/family/private life)?

Oh yeah. I am sure her fiancée wishes I knew a little less about her.

We each have own lives, but each we are each others touch stone. The world is solid with the other one there. Nothing can break that solidness.

Originally Posted by norbert

Do you trust and like each other unconditionally?

Absolutely. She and I joke that we never have had a fight or anything because we love each other unconditionally and we give the other one what they need. We just know.

Originally Posted by norbert

Do you tell how much you respect and appreciate the other being part of your life?

Yep. All the time. She reminds me to be less serious sometimes. Days with her are hugs and butt wiggles, and laughs, and nights are the same. We tell each other every time we talk that we love and miss each other, and we put other people to shame in air port terminals.

Originally Posted by norbert

Do you plan your future together (build your homes next to each other, make common businesses, have common creative hobbies etc)?

In a way, yes. We plan to live close to each other, always be a part of each others lives. I promised to buy her a school when she is ready so she can teach kids the way she wants to without all the issues of normal schools. I even promised to fund it so she can take any kid she wants regardless of money. As to hobbies, everything is more fun with the other one. I get her to try things she would never do and thinks I am crazy for doing (rock climbing, just off of high places, trying to get her to go sky diving with me), and she gets me to be less serious and take a break and enjoy life. I get so fast paced and so involved I forget that just looking out the window or a good laugh is just as important as everything else I am doing.

A few days ago, maybe a couple weeks now. She called me wanting pretty upset. She was watching scrubs and someone’s best friend dies, and she just lost it and cried her fiancée just held her and told her “Adrienne is ok, its just a show.” Bear told him “She can never die.” I feel the same way, when she told me the story, I was saddened by it as well, living without her would be hard. I know I would go on to do her proud, but I am hoping I wont have to deal with that.

I moved away recently to be closer to my two boys. They are my younger cousins and really needed me for a while. It was hard to leave her. I still see and talk to her and we are still best friends, but it is hard. I know she and I will be living close again soon. When I moved, Bear knew I was doing what I needed to do. This was a couple years ago. We both have friends, guys and girls, young and old, so we are not alone all the time. We were talking recently about how hard we looked for new friends where we are, we never find a friend like what we have.. and we relized with a laugh it was because we were trying to replace the other one. Not replace replace, but find someone like the other one because we miss the other one so much. But I cant find a Bear 2 and she cant find an Adrienne 2. We both relized we had to let that go. Love and have friends for who they are not for who we want them to be or compare them too. Once we saw it, it was so obvious. We just missed the other one so much, we did not notice.

My heart breaks for you loosing your best friend. 2 weeks is still very very recent, but I do think the process of healing starts right away. If Bear died, I would keep it together to deal with everything I need to, because I know that is what I need to do. After that, I would be in a dark place for a few days while I adjusted to the fact, I would not see her in a physical form for a while. After few days, I would pick up in my life where I was. I know she would not want me sitting around crying for her forever. And years later, I am sure, I would still have a thought I would want to share with her, and I would miss her terribly, and the thought would bring it all up again.

But, I know she is a part of me, and that can’t die, and no one can take that away.

Good Luck Norbert. My thoughts are with you
Adrienne