Those you want vs those you don't want

[willnesbitt]

You're pursued by people that you aren't interested in while the people you're really interested in and pursue aren't interested in you. Why is that?

Why is it that sometimes people attract the people they don't want and not the people they really want? I'm sure some of you have experienced this at some point. How have you dealt with or how do you deal with this?

[cylon]

Originally Posted by willnesbitt

You're pursued by people that you aren't interested in while the people you're really interested in and pursue aren't interested in you. Why is that?

Why is it that sometimes people attract the people they don't want and not the people they really want? I'm sure some of you have experienced this at some point. How have you dealt with or how do you deal with this?

I think part of it is because when you're around someone you do want very strongly, you may show nervousness, be scared of rejection, and just not come off as your best, confident self. You may turn them off a little. (And by you, I mean me, everyone, all of humanity).

With people who you AREN'T attracted to, you are your normal, confident self. They don't put you on the defensive, you are at your best and that is attractive. They are seeing your best qualities.

Also, sometimes you DO get who you are attracted to, to pursue you, but if you start liking them too much or putting too great of importance on how they view you, then you start turning them off, and then they don't like you anymore.

The answer is to be your best self, under all circumstances. Then you'll attract BOTH types.

[illusion85]

Originally Posted by cylon

Also, sometimes you DO get who you are attracted to, to pursue you, but if you start liking them too much or putting too great of importance on how they view you, then you start turning them off, and then they don't like you anymore.

The answer is to be your best self, under all circumstances.

Well said cylon !

I too had the same question.

[cylon]

Thank you.

[willnesbitt]

Wow, Cylon. Great response. Hadn't really thought about it that way.
Thanks for the insight.

[cylon]

My pleasure. I think it all comes down to how much you let yourself be the real you while under pressure.

[willnesbitt]

True. I agree.

It's funny because today was a prime example of attracting the attention of those you don't want. I'm an average sized guy (and what many would consider short), but I've always managed to attract plus-sized women. They've always been the ones bold enough to pursue me and make it known that they are interested as opposed to thinner or slimmer women who sit back and wait for the men to come to them. Even now, I attract women who are much bigger than I am and I have never been able to understand why. I have several friends like me who experience the same thing and we've often wondered why. I've dated several attractive plus-sized women in the past. I can't say that it's a preference right now, but I wonder what it is about men who are smaller (sometimes way smaller) that makes them go for us.

But, now that I think about it, I guess that maybe they are thinking the same thing that guys think. Most guys I've known or known of normally go for slimmer/thinner women and maybe women feel the same. I don't know.

Is it based on self-image? Or is it just plain old human nature doing its thing? Any thoughts?

[cylon]

No, that's way too specific. You expect me to believe there's something about you that only attracts fat chicks? Sorry--that's your own perceptions going on.

Women pursue guys they are interested in. This includes skinny chicks. If a girl likes you, no matter her physical dimensions, she'll make it known, one way or the other.

It's like I said earlier---when you're around fat chicks (assuming you're not attracted to them), you don't care how you're coming off. You say whatever comes to mind, her sexuality is not a censor for you. So you are being the best you.

The thing is, when you're really confident, and aren't so affected by women you are attracted to, fat girls and hot girls will act the exact same way around you. Confidence is attractive, period.

Girls are girls. If they like you, they'll be all over you. No matter how much they weigh.

Don't assume that since you THINK only fat girls like you (that's BS by the way) that you are somehow attracted to them. Don't set your sights too low.

[willnesbitt]

Originally Posted by willnesbitt

They've always been the ones bold enough to pursue me and make it known that they are interested as opposed to thinner or slimmer women who sit back and wait for the men to come to them.

I guess this is pretty much my whole point. Not to say that I ONLY attract plus-sized women, but that they are the main ones (not the only ones) who've taken the initiative to make it known that they are attracted to me (either by very obvious flirting or telling me so). Sure, there have been some slimmer girls in the mix. But for the most part, it has been the heavier women that have made it known.

BUT, then again, maybe I've gotten so used to that happening that I only notice the heavier ones that are attracted and not noticing anyone else that might be.

Hmmm...

[willnesbitt]

Originally Posted by cylon

Don't assume that since you THINK only fat girls like you (that's BS by the way) that you are somehow attracted to them. Don't set your sights too low.

This may have been the case years ago, but not now. I used to date heavier girls simply because I didn't want to be looked at as being "superficial" for not dating them. I realized that and decided to go for what I want as opposed to what I don't want. I've dated them and know that's not what I want. Don't get me wrong, many of them were very nice people with wonderful personalities and sometimes cute. But, deep down their weight was a factor that I tried to overlook.

That was then. This is now. But, actually writing about it and thinking it through along with your insightful responses helps me to really understand more about this topic.

[cylon]

I've dated fat girls, there is nothing wrong with it. I'm just saying, don't assume that there is some vibe about you that only attracts fat girls. If a fat girl is attracted to you, a skinny girl is attracted to you too. Girls are girls.

[willnesbitt]

Originally Posted by cylon

I've dated fat girls, there is nothing wrong with it. I'm just saying, don't assume that there is some vibe about you that only attracts fat girls. If a fat girl is attracted to you, a skinny girl is attracted to you too. Girls are girls.

True. Good point.

[brendannz]

If you don't want them, then you're more likely to treat them like a human, which is what they are..

and if you do want them, sometimes you might get nervous and treat her like a princess or a super-heroine, when they're just humans..

It's the whole putting them on a pedestal thing, unneccesarily..