Will i ever get a boyfriend.....

[Lazygirl]

Hey everybody, please share with me your view on this situation, that keeps reoccurring in my life.

This is the situation:
While i was succeeding in dealing with being rejected a guy came to me while i was out, greeted me like i already new him. Next day in school i see him, he hangs out with a group of people i just started hanging out with.
Since then he always kept staring at me, and looking away when i was looking his way. I kinda did the same too, he has this good vibe about him.
I swallowed my pride and went to sit with him and his friends, they're all nice to hang out with and really funny.
When i'd hang out with them i noticed how he always tries to hug his friend(a girl), while i'm there. He looks at me waits till i'm looking his way then hugs her some more. But when it's there aren't any girls he's looking at me.

Last week, i saw him alone kinda distant from his friends with quite the sad face. I dragged myself to where he was and asked what was wrong. Of course he didn't tell me but we chatted for a while then he had to go to class. At the end of the day when i was waiting for my ride and he was saying goodbye to his friends i went out there to do the same. He was on his bike, so i asked to sit there and asked him to wait with me. He kinda hugged me and he said he was feeling bad earlier and talking to me made him fill way better. He had to go so he asked for a kiss on the cheek like he always asks me and went away.
Next day he starts acting all weird when we are in a group of people. I keep getting frustrated and confused about this, i think i'm starting to like him and i'm a very insecure and shy person who's trying to be more confident so due to my past experiences i hold back a lot. I'm that girl that crushes on a boy for 3 Years without saying a word and running from him, and eventually telling him and getting ignored and rejected at the same time, ouch!

I know there is no way of knowing if he likes me, but that's all i think about now. And does it even matter? My insecurities get me to give up because of my fear of rejection. It sucks living while you fear rejection, precisely why i never really connect with anyone on a deeper level.

I don't want to live this way, any advice on what i should do in my situation?
Sorry for my poor english and long post.
All the advice, criticism and comments will be immensely appreciated...

[aggie]

i am guessing you are still in school and fairly young.

i can relate because unless you are part of a popular crowd by nature...you can feel kind of left out and rejected...but in youth there is more insecurity going on if with the so called "together" people...which i learned much later on. i guess it is easier for them to deal with.

back to the boyfriend issue. of course you will find a boyfriend! or he will find you!

i went thru years of agonizing about this in my youth and even later on in life....i know it is easy so many years later to say it will pass.

all i know is that if i had it to do over again, i wouldn't be so obsessed with it and if i had a daughter, i would tell her the same.

i would try harder to be my own person as i would tell a daughter.

i believe you can meet someone more on your own terms and have more to offer. and, only speaking for myself, not feel i needed a boyfriend, a man, a life partner to complete myself. it would have saved a lot of heartache.

i know that all that may be years down the road....but just enjoy your youth, explore all your options, hang with people and be yourself and when you show what you have to offer as a person...i believe you will attract someone who will appreciate that.

[Lazygirl]

Hey aggie, yes i'm young and still in school.
First of all thank you for replying.
Yes, i'm young and still in school. I'm trying to enjoy and let go of my insecurities, i've progressed a lot when it comes to being more open and interacting with people yet i came across this situation that makes me back down on everything.
Maybe i should stop worrying and live my life, there's so much to experience, i'll work on myself, on being the best me possible and enjoy the ride, if only that
was as easy a it sounds.

I still have no idea how to deal with the boyfriend situation because i've never made it past this stage, i usually just give up.

[aggie]

i learned the hard way when i was in school and just kind of pined away at the guys i wish would notice me.

i finally started to concentrate on myself and improving myself and suddenly when i wasn't trying...they actually started to notice.

the odd part was at that point, i started to wonder what i was so enamored with about them to begin with

but the thing to learn, is, and i was guilty of it: even thought you may need to develop a little bit thicker skin...don't let it make you too hard...i went too far the other way and missed out on giving some really nice guys a chance.

but all thru the years...it all usually happens when you least expect it and aren't consciously looking for it.

keep me posted

[ar81]

You are too young.
It took me 9 rejections before I got to have my first girlfriend.
When she said "yes" instead of "no", I was shocked, since I expected a big NO. I got into my room and wondered "ok, now I have a girlfriend... now what??".

Things will happen when you do not expect it.

If you do not show your feelings, a man will know you like him.
It is not pride, it is fear of looking vulnerable, fear of rejection.

[SirLouen]

Remember guys that girls are not the same in this instance of rejection.

Boys are easily rejected by female nature, but the opposite is not that ease in general terms.

By the way, i admire how the girls must court the guys, since girls should never approach, and guys sometimes are so fearful that doesn't have bullocks to approach, then girls have to wait, no-time limit, and maybe another guy steps into the opportunity before the other did. Just a term of luck of them

[amj]

Originally Posted by Lazygirl

I know there is no way of knowing if he likes me, but that's all i think about now....

There is a way. Ask and you shall receive. It may be hard but at least you will know. Then you can move on with your life.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by SirLouen

Remember guys that girls are not the same in this instance of rejection.

Boys are easily rejected by female nature, but the opposite is not that ease in general terms.

Well, rejection is very typical among teens.
It hurts as long as people fear rejection in either side.

[James81]

Something that might help you is to not focus on getting a boyfriend. Instead, just focus on getting a date (cause that's how it works anyway...you go on dates for a while and then it turns into a relationship).

By making your focus on getting a boyfriend, you are setting the stakes high...if you're successful you're really successful, but if you fail, you really fail hard.

So, instead, shift your focus to going out on dates and having fun. Of course, I'm assuming you're old enough to go on dates here. If you are wayyyy young (like 12 or 13), then I'd say don't sweat it just yet. Boys aren't "allowed" (i.e. they feel embarassed) to show their interest in girls at that age. But don't worry, that'll change real quick.

It sounds to me like the guy in this post likes you, but he's insecure about telling you or making it known at this point. Why don't you ask him if he likes you and tell him you like him? You'll find that you're going to get a lot further in life you just be more upfront about what you want.

[ar81]

Getting married is more about responsibility than about romance.
Once married, you need to think about work, budget, housekeeping, projects, family matters, etc. You may be amazed to know that married couples may have less time for romance, due to responsibility.

Having a boyfirend is like a middle stage to get familiar with a person.
Instead of going directly to "get a boyfriend" first scout the terrain, learn about how to do things right, and get close to those who appreciate you and make you grow, and get waway from those who drag you or set obstacles to your personal growth.

[Lazygirl]

Hi. Thanks for the feedback everyone!

I woke up today saying to myself: "Your great, you don't need anyone's attention to prove that." I focused on me, on going to talk to new people and feeling comfortable doing it, which was fun. I finished my text early today so i went to the cafeteria before lunchbreak. When i got there i saw him sitting at one table with some of my friends, i went to get some water and sat with them. HE PAID NO ATTENTION TO ME! Well he didn't ignore me but i felt like an acquaintance(?) or something. Minutes after i sat there he said he had to go. I felt confused but the bell rang and i talked to new people i don't know, went to sit on another table and laughed hard...
At the end of the day, while waiting for my ride, he came back to school to talk to this girl i mentioned he hugs when he sees me, then he went away.
I felt weird, like WTF? Can't even name the feeling...
After arriving home i kept thinking about how i might be acting whiny, does it matter if he notices me or not?

By the way, i'm 17 years old.

aggie your right. Great things do happen when you least expect, how do i stop expecting?

ar81 9 rejections Will i survive getting rejected that much? He he.
so i shouldn't show my feeling for him/them(guys in general)? won't that push them further away? School me please...

SirLouen i'm kinda waiting and it sucks, he's not approaching and it's pretty frustating.

amj You are suggesting i say:"Hum, do you like me?
That sounds so scary, plus i think he wont give me a straight answer.

James81 so you're saying each time i meet somebody interesting i start to expect a relationship out of it and when i don't get it, it hurts a lot. Hum, you may be on to something... (keeps wondering)
I don't want to ask him if he likes me because i don't know him that well, yes i hang with him and his friends, but i don't know if it's too soon or something. I also don't know if that's just fear talking...

[Figment12]

It's interesting to see things from a girls POV.

I'm a guy (19) and I've generally found it tough to ask girls. Maybe he's afraid to ask or something.

(I wish I could contribute more, but I'm sorta inexperienced in these things)

[ar81]

Originally Posted by Lazygirl

ar81 9 rejections Will i survive getting rejected that much? He he.
so i shouldn't show my feeling for him/them(guys in general)? won't that push them further away? School me please...

So you want a formula: If A then B.
Unfortunately humans are all different.

In human relationships the best you can do is to stay with those who love you and make you grow as a human, and stay away from those who do not allow you to develop your potential.

Also, if you are aware that your brain and your heart can cheat you, you may be ready not to be scammed by any of them.

In the middle you may find many gray situations. The only thing you can do is to take risks, but you must accept all the possible results. There is no formula.

[Lazygirl]

(trying not to panic) Someone please hand me the revolver!!!

ok, i'm at school right now. I came here today with my mind made up to tell him i like him. We were in a group of people talking about random things, then he started telling his friend about a girl his chatting with so he can fix him up with her. Then she passed by and went to talk to her. I was like: Cool life, this is right what i needed!

What should i do now? I see two options:
1. I tell him i like and get embarassed to death or
2. I don't tell him and what happened before could happen where the feeling grows and i tell him cuz i can't take it anymore.
I told my friends and they said don't stress they'll help me. It was so tough to tell them but i decided to do it differently this time. I feel uncertain, i know deep down i am holding myself back with my insecurities and all. I want to do something, i think i should tell him i like him "but" i want to figure out how should do that. Help me help myself guys...

[ar81]

There is no formula. Anything can happen.
If you accept the risks, you may proceed with whatever option you want.
Be certain that every action has a reaction.

You should not worry too much. There are plenty of men on the planet.
At school our universe is very reduced, but when you finish it, universe becomes bigger and you can meet lots of types of people.

You are too young.
Face your fear of rejection.
Do not use a revolver.
Use your personal courage.
Making a mistake is not such a big deal.

And for Christ sake, master humor.
It will help you to overcome any situation or mistake.
If you made a mistake, you can make a joke and pretend that mistake had a purpose. In any case, mistakes have a purpose. They are our chance to learn.

No matter what happens, confronting your fear will be a historical day for you. In the future you will realize about it.

[Miia]

i dont know why people think like this but, really, what`s wrong with liking someone? when someone tells you they like you will you be mad, or think: what a looser, he likes me hahahahhaa... it`s simply absurd! if you tell him you like him and he thinks badly about you (your fear sort of) because of it, then what the hell must he think of himself? "there must be something seriously wrong with her for liking me"? no. unless it is obvious that he dislikes you (which isn`t the case now) he will be flattered, the least, and you`ll make his day.

but if you really cant tell him then there are other ways... like, the next time he hugs you or you`re about to give him the kiss on the cheek just look at his eyes in that way, for an example. or try to be more open and flirt with him.... maybe you`re so closed off because of your painful experience that you`re not even letting HIM make the move..?

[marito]

Just one thing.. Rejection can and will happen. Many times, it's normal! So don't add that much drama into that.. It won't happen 1, 2 or 3 times in your life.. It will happen thousands! I'm not being pessimistic, just realistic!

Just make sure that your chances of being rejected are the least possible. You girls have it easier anyway! Look good (read: don't be overweight, dress up nicely, clean) and it's almost done. Guys in the US are slow, but it usually takes that little to win over men =)

If you think you are to insecure or two shy in my site I have a few crazy and fun strategies (practical) that you could try out! It's for men but some things work for girls too =D!

Kisses!

[echo]

I have a question.

How developed is your friendship with him? How well does he know you? And how well do you know him?

A few things I read in the comments above I feel I should repeat and emphasize.

Don't approach this as if you are leaping over a canyon. Instead of the task of asking him if he "likes you", do this instead. While you are around him, strike up a conversation about anything. ANYTHING. Direct the conversation to a point where, maybe, you two laugh about something. Now look over at him and ask "Do you want to go to a movie sometime?" (Or wherever it is you'd like to throw in there).

Instead of setting up some dramatic feat of revealing each other's feelings, just offer to hang out with him somewhere, just the two of you. It's very simple and frankly, what are the chances of him saying "Um... no! wth...", RIGHT?

After this phase, during what is now a "date", DO NOT worry about any revelation of if one of you likes the other. FORGET ABOUT IT. You're only task here is to have fun in whatever way possible. Just plain, clean fun. The more fun you have, the more you two loosen up and the easier any communcation beyond the norm will become. This means his lines will open up more to you, and yours to him.

Does this make sense to you? Does it sound like a good idea to you?

Finally, if it comes to be that he dearly enjoys the time spent with you but he doesnt think of you more than just a friend, then THAT IS ALL THAT WILL HAPPEN. This means that 1. He will remain your friend BUT here's the catch... he will have developed some sentimental feelings of some kind for you through the memories created during the time you two hung out. and 2. You will have better developed the courage and structure of ideas as to how the proper process of finding a boyfriend should work.

Sound good?

[ar81]

How did it go, Lazygirl?
After some years, that what seemed so terrible will be remembered like nice memories.
I recall those 9 rejections were a tragedy, but now I laugh. there are worst things in life.