dating a low self esteem girl

[positivityhub]

michael,

i would advice you not to analyze the situation so much. people, LSE or HSE, are people after all. what is important is how you feel about this relationship. if u think you really like this girl, go ahead and give this relationship your best shot.

even if does not work out, you will not regret because you tried.

[Michael Chui]

I'll be sure to give it my best shot if I ever meet her and discover I really like her.

[FIllness and fatigue]

Thank you all for all the outlook. It was really helpful!!!

[jwz]

My ex-gf is like this too..
(and previously abused also, yes)

I LOVE who she is when she's "normal". A cute nice beautiful smart girl.
But when she "changed", my world crumbled.

I have a son with her, and I try as hard as I can to see them often.
I love them both.

I don't regret getting a son with her, but GET OUT while you can!!

Yes, she needs help. Yes, you wanna help her.
YOURE NOT THE ONE TO HELP HER.

When I finally left my ex-gf, I was a complete WRECK.
I felt bad about myself, depressive etc etc.

I hope that she gets help, but I know know that I'm not the one to help her.
I can't. The relationship would suck out my life..

I hope you guys can use my experience in some way.
Good luck

[dangerlarson]

Originally Posted by TheFlyingMan

Hey guys,

I been reading a lot into self esteem, more for myself, you can never have enough! But I noticed a lot of things in my recent partner - a lot of crazy fights that were started for no reason.

What would you guys recommend? If you really like some one but they have Low Self Esteem (LSE) would you still go for it? Is a relationship with a LSE person a good chance to develop yourself - like spirituality, unconditional love, controlling your temper, and so on? Or is it doomed to failure - and hence just avoid if you can?

If you do stay, any tips?

----
From what I read about LSE, LSE people will unconsciously sabotage their relationships. They don't feel themselves worthy of someone who treats them right, so they will always do certain things to drive the other person away - they feel that they only deserve people who look down on them. If someone manages to convince a LSE partner that they have unconditional love, then the LSE person will start thinking he/she is better then the unconditionally loving partner, and dump the poor person! And continue in a search for someone who does look down on them!

And also, their ego is totally afraid of annihilation - by being wrong for example. So they would rather destroy the relationship then admit that they are wrong, for their ego cannot take the "blow" of admitting they are wrong.

I didn't know they had acronyms for self esteem now, too (lol).

Hey, might get a better return on your time by figuring out why you are drawn to people like that than psychoanalyzing your partner

[FIllness and fatigue]

Firstly, I did not attract this person who I have now discovered. I attracted the smart, sexy, caring individual. Sometimes peopel arent who they say they are, you cannot know someone until the intamicy opens up enough for you to get a clear picture of who they REALLY are!!

In saying that, all our friends have a problem with me now because i am the one who broke off a "GOOD" relationship. Our firends think my ex is someone who she isnt, because she doesnt show her true self. I am not worried about what people say, I know in my heart that I needed to get out of this situation. After being away from her I can got a clear look at what had happened to me, and got my self esteem back. I feel great, I am focused again, and I dont need the pressures that came along with this relationship.

If anyone else suffers like this, please take some time to yourself, and clear your head. You WILL see what you need too.

There is a silver lining to every **** cloud!!!

[cylon]

Originally Posted by FIllness and fatigue

If anyone else suffers like this, please take some time to yourself, and clear your head. You WILL see what you need too.

There is a silver lining to every **** cloud!!!

Absolutely. Sometimes you need to lose yourself in order to find yourself.

[geekchic9]

This is an interesting thread.

I was the girl with low self-esteem. I dated someone who tried to save me. But one day, I realized that I had to save myself. And he was holding me back. So, I dumped him.

This is a very short, oversimplified explanation of what happened. (It also turned out he is queer. Long story.) But, the point is that if you had continued to stay in the relationship and she got better somehow, the relationship would be over anyway, because the rescuer-rescued element would be gone, and there would be nothing to hold the relationship together. It would be like starting anew, but with all the baggage carried around. Not worth it, I say.

[DayInTheLife]

I should also add that the reason I stayed in my relationship (as the 'rescuer') is because my self-esteem wasn't great either. I was afraid to be alone, to feel like I might not be worth anything to anybody else. For somebody to need you is an ego boost.

[lisalisa]

I was the one with low self esteem and low self confidence. I am working on it with a counsellor.

I see the effect it had on my partner. He left after 10 years.

Can I blame him? Not really. Perhaps he had low self esteem for staying so long.

I miss him every day. I have made amazing changes to my life, but I know he doesn't love my anymore. I wish he gave me the chance as you are trying to give your girl a chance.

What happened in the end?

[brendannz]

I think, the fact that the person has low self esteem, is not a reason to not want to go out with them..

I think everybody could improve on their self-esteem.. Maybe for the relationship to work, you have to accept that that's the way they are rather than going into the relationship with the hope of fixing or changing her.

maybe you'll need more positive re-inforcement for her, and maybe at times she will sabotage the relationship in ways.. and if that's the case, then you might have to walk away, if need be..