Attractive Male Personality

[spooky]

I've been skeptical about how I've been approaching and pursuing women in the last few years of my life, and although being yourself is obviously the most ethical thing anyone can do, I believe there's something even further below the surface that women find attractive and I want to know. please, just be real with me. I don't want to hear the mundane stuff.

I'm a tall, dark, and handsome young man. I like to make people laugh, so I tend to have somewhat of a dorky personality (I probably don't display myself as the smartest person, but i know I'm smart. I just like to live my life in a ridiculous eccentric way). I like to go out, dance, smile, and have fun. I've very involved at my school. this is just to give you a picture of who I am, I'm not trying to brag. this is me being myself, and I can't figure out why I'm not attracting more women into my life.

I'm not sure what vibe I'm giving off to women? I've thought deeply about what it could be. maybe it's my status, because I'm not surrounded by hundreds of friends, and the fact that i live at home with my parents, or that i tend to have a little bit of a feminine side at times.

honestly though, i'd just like to know what a 21-23 year old college girl wants and is looking for, and how i'm supposed to go about life attracting more love into my life. i'm not looking for my one true love, but it would be nice to be dating more.

It's difficult to reciprocate attraction and make your intentions clear, when we're inclined as men not to chase.

I'm beginning to think maybe this isn't the right setting for me. I don't want to use this as an excuse, but perhaps it's an explanation.

Any advice, book recommendations are very much appreciated. thank you for your time.

[cylon]

"Be Yourself" Means be your best self. That's the part that's always left out of the advice. The person that you are when you are feeling great, are full of joy, can't stop smiling... THAT is your true self, and that is what "being yourself" really means. Lots of guys think that means "so just be shy and awkward?" no, because that's just a mask you wear. Something to think about.


Women are attracted to men who are confident enough to make their own decisions based on what they want to do, and not based only on what a woman wants. As a man, it's your job to set the tone of the relationship... that is a masculine trait. You don't follow, you LEAD.

You are probably just feeling very aware that you don't have lots of girls right now and that is affecting the way you feel about yourself. I'm a man, I've been through the same thing.

There are some great resources that can help you... if you study the PUA stuff, the basic goal is to get you to start thinking of yourself as a man with value, and how to act in that way. You can ignore the tricks and tactics, it's more about an internal shift.

One book that I like, and many others like is "The Way of the Superior Man". If you go to amazon or something and look at that, you may see some other interesting books related to masculinity linked to it.

Probably the biggest advice I will give you, (and it will be attacked here) is that when it comes to asking what to do to be attractive to women, to be very aware of the type of advice you are given BY women. Some are in touch with their femininity and will tell you "be strong, be confident, be a man's man" and those are the types of women you should listen to. The women who tell you to be meek, passive, and let the woman dominate you, are the bitter ones who will give you false advice because they have an agenda against men.

Don't listen to hollywood movies about how a guy is supposed to be "nice". Don't listen to women who tell you that the first thing you should do is tell a woman how much you love her when you barely know her. You'll soon come to learn that Hollywood fantasies are just that, and they are not real representations of how men and women really interact.

Listen to men, who have experience with women. Learn from them, and let them show you the ropes. You'll find plenty of resources out there to help you if you search for it.

Good luck: you're not that different than most guys your age, good people who are just starting to develop their confidence and become mature. Be willing to be dominant with women, and to speak up and say what you want.... and you will be respected, and therefore, more attractive.

[chrisrushton]

Originally Posted by spooky

I'm a tall, dark, and handsome young man. I like to make people laugh, so I tend to have somewhat of a dorky personality (I probably don't display myself as the smartest person, but i know I'm smart. I just like to live my life in a ridiculous eccentric way). I like to go out, dance, smile, and have fun. I've very involved at my school. this is just to give you a picture of who I am, I'm not trying to brag. this is me being myself, and I can't figure out why I'm not attracting more women into my life.



Any advice, book recommendations are very much appreciated. thank you for your time.

Sounds quite a lot like me! First thing I'd do here is ditch the dorky bit. It's cute for a while but gets annoying. I know people that do it, or have done it in the past. It seems to work on younger girls but once they grew up a little it stopped working.

If you're smart, act it. No need to discuss the Riemann Conjecture or just exactly why the plato-ist version of religion is closely linked to the original gnostic christians, but be confident about your intelligence. I'm smart and I'm not ashamed of it either. If people want to know about astrophysics I'm always happy to discuss it with them (providing I know something about the topic of course, but as a pro, I know more than the average guy on the street about most topics ).

Be your best self (again). Figure it out and be it. Not just when you're with women, always try to be your best self (I think this is missing from some pua material, the idea of getting into state suggests that you aren't capable of getting women without it). In your darkest moments, ask Is this the best I can be? or What would the best me be doing now?

[ar81]

There are some fields in which we men use to fail:
1.We scare women easily. If you make them feel uncomfortable, you will fail.
2.We do not master non verbal communication. They do. Poor communication will scare them away. Feel unease, fear or be shy and you will fail.
3.During our teen years we use to be rude among our male groups. Be rude with a woman (treat them like a pal), and you will fail.
4.Among male friends, feelings are irrelevant. When dealing with women, not hurting feelings is VERY important. Wording matters.
5.We are taught that women are somehow "emotional" in the sense of inferior or weak. Beware!! Behind their apparent weakness, they are smarter and stronger than us!!
6.Follow the advise of your male friends and try to please them, and for sure you may not please her. If your friends are first, and she is second, you bet that you fill fail when you behave as a puppet of your male friends.
7.Even if you feel like you are falling apart, keeping the dignity of the captain of a ship, is something she may like. They like when you show courage before adversity. But it may not be enough to start a relationship. But it adds points to you.
8.Do not approach her like a friend if you go for a relationship. Make your intentions clear, without scaring her. Once you enter the friend zone, you won't be able to get out.
9.If you really like a girl, do not treat her like a goddess, for you only would show yourself like a begger. Big screw up!! She is a human being.
10.Do not try to look for a substitute of your mother. They do not like to have a child as boyfriend.

Being yourself can only help you not to scare them, and it may help you not to be a puppet of your friends or anyone. Women do not like puppets. But being yourself does not guarantee success, it just helps a bit.

Do you want a formula? There is none. Every woman is different. What worked with a girl, will not work with another.

[MidasGirl]

Just be authentic and confident. Not a dick or a jerk. A little cocky isn't bad. But cockiness doesn't suit every man. Anyway, just go through a process of self-discovery, I just don't think there's a one size fits all here.

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by spooky

I've been skeptical about how I've been approaching and pursuing women in the last few years of my life, and although being yourself is obviously the most ethical thing anyone can do, I believe there's something even further below the surface that women find attractive and I want to know. please, just be real with me. I don't want to hear the mundane stuff.

I'm a tall, dark, and handsome young man. I like to make people laugh, so I tend to have somewhat of a dorky personality (I probably don't display myself as the smartest person, but i know I'm smart. I just like to live my life in a ridiculous eccentric way). I like to go out, dance, smile, and have fun. I've very involved at my school. this is just to give you a picture of who I am, I'm not trying to brag. this is me being myself, and I can't figure out why I'm not attracting more women into my life.

I'm not sure what vibe I'm giving off to women? I've thought deeply about what it could be. maybe it's my status, because I'm not surrounded by hundreds of friends, and the fact that i live at home with my parents, or that i tend to have a little bit of a feminine side at times.

honestly though, i'd just like to know what a 21-23 year old college girl wants and is looking for, and how i'm supposed to go about life attracting more love into my life. i'm not looking for my one true love, but it would be nice to be dating more.

It's difficult to reciprocate attraction and make your intentions clear, when we're inclined as men not to chase.

I'm beginning to think maybe this isn't the right setting for me. I don't want to use this as an excuse, but perhaps it's an explanation.

Any advice, book recommendations are very much appreciated. thank you for your time.

Couple of things things that jumped out at me - maybe you are approaching and pursuing the wrong types of women. Are there particular types that you always go for that aren't interested? Have you tried other types?

The dorky thing - eccentricty can be cute but for me a guy being smart is crucial so if you are coming across as a bit of a thicky you might be losing out there. And is the dorky thing refelcted in your clothing? Takes a bold type of girl to like a guy who dresses poorly/oddly. Does the dorky behaviour manifest as any social awkwardness - jokes only you laugh at, clumsy mannerisms, a lack of taking a hint? Those are all pretty bad. Being a dork is fine, being embarrassing or awkward to be around is a dating killer.

Living with your parents - I personally would immediately file into "friend only - until he moves out" anyone who lived with their parents. I do not care if it makes more sense financially, if you will be able to buy your own home at the age of 26, or of you have no reason to leave. I make collossal assumptions about adults who remain living with their parents - that they are lazy, cheap, selfish, immature, dependant and spoilt. These are NOT truths btw and I know it - but as i cannot fathom a mature, independant, generous, motivated, active adult choosing to stay living with their mommy and daddy, I find it a total turn off. Not to mention the total lack of privacy, having to deal with some guys parents, their rules etc. etc. The only exception might be if you were caring for your ailing parent - but even then I would be wondering how available you would be for me, whether I wanted to get bogged down in health issues etc. It's almost always a deal breaker for me.

That's about all I can say - "what women really want" is always going to yield varied answers because we all want different things and some of us think we want different things to what we actually want... Being your best self is going to give you the most authentic experience but may not yield fast/numerous results.... In my opinion thought the results are worth waiting for!

[tboswell1216]

You said you are smart, so why not ask a girl on a study date? It may be lame, but it is a start and you could take it from there. It would also help you to get over feeling "dorky" when talking to the opposite sex.

Also, women do like persistance. I do not mean a stalker, but be confident when you are talking to them and making your intentions clear. If you get shot down, thats okay. Some women will say no for the first couple of times to play hard to get. Keep trying and it will pay off, but don't look crushed or play a guilt trip on them if they say no because a pity date is not what you want, and women will talk and tell their friends if they go on a pity date, and that will just set you back further.

Don't broadcast the fact that you live with your parents. If the woman asks don't lie, but don't say anything if she does not ask because some women will not want anything to do with you if you live with your parents, especially at that age.

Don't start telling a woman that you love her right away. Women do not really like to hear that on the first couple of dates like some guys think, because then it makes women wonder if you are going to become a stalker if they continue to see you and then it doesn't work out. It makes most women run the other way, so don't say it right away and never say it unless you mean it. Playing with a womans emotions always ends up bad for both parties involved.

One last thing, women like a man with a backbone that can make his own decisions and will take charge, however, it is a turn off if the man will never compromise. Take charge, lead and stand your ground, but don't forget to ask her what she would like to do every now and again, and compromise when necessary.

Good luck!!! This is all easier said than done.

[cylon]

Being out of the house by age 21-23 (especially if you're a student yourself) is usually the exception and not the norm.

The reason women don't want a man that lives at home is they are raised to believe that it's your job to support them and their lifestyles, and they figure if you are at home, you aren't making enough money to pay for all their stuff. If they think that, you're in luck because you saved a ton of money.

Those are the women to stay away from. Fortunately in this day and age women are working so they can buy their own things. Also if a girl has that criticism of you, make sure she has moved out as well.

[brendannz]

I think it's different for everybody, living at home.. I'm 27, I'm now a home-owner, but I lived at home for about 8-9 months to allow this to happen.. Before living at home, I was living by myself overseas.

If living at home has huge important advantages for you then do it.. It's normal, and common in many other countries, India. I think Italy as well..

I'd say, if anything it really sucked living at home, and I'm much happier now that i'm out of my parents house, and I think of my parents as much nicer people, now that I talk to them in my own time, rather than all the time.. it's just a better quality of life. But it was worth the sacrifice of staying with them, because I had to start out at home at the time anyway, before I found a place to rent, and now I'm paying off the mortgage, rather than throwing away the money..

If living at home has any important advantages for you, then it's worth doing I think..

I think if you've never moved out of home, you've probably never taken responsibility for a lot of things in your life, so maybe less experienced.

Move out, for yourself and your own life experience, not for your attractiveness to the opposite sex, I think..

I think with the dorkiness thing too; I think it's better to be a comfortable, genuine dork, than an artificial and fake sleazy 100% egotistically confident dude.. So genuine-ness is the best trait for the long term

I think what Cylon said about "be your self" means be your true genuine happy self, is the best thing to go by for this thread.

[Zas]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Move out, for yourself and your own life experience, not for your attractiveness to the opposite sex, I think..

I think this is a good key for every aspect. That changes should be for your growth/satisfaction, rather than to suit external tastes that are seeming alien to you.

I've found shyness and dorkiness cute sometimes. It used to be more, but now it's the exception as opposed to the rule. I try not to expect anything more of a guy than I can offer, but sometimes there's trade offs with that. If I can offer something he doesn't, I like for him to have more confidence and athleticism than me.

You know, I've met lots of girls who say they value humor, but I've never really felt that way. I mean, funny people are great to be around socially and it's not a bad quality- But I can make myself laugh just fine. I'll take more intense (and preferably dark) physical energy in a potential partner over that. (There's a big chance I'm going through a superficial phase, I should warn. )

Also, sometimes people who are pretty funny all the time are trying to hide deeper insecurities (Plenty of people just like to laugh or just like to make others laugh sure, but not always.)

I think I'm stereotypically feminine in many ways. Right now I'm strongly attracted to noble warrior type personalities, but who knows how soon that will change.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Zas

You know, I've met lots of girls who say they value humor, but I've never really felt that way. I mean, funny people are great to be around socially and it's not a bad quality- But I can make myself laugh just fine. I'll take more intense (and preferably dark) physical energy in a potential partner over that. (There's a big chance I'm going through a superficial phase, I should warn. )

Also, sometimes people who are pretty funny all the time are trying to hide deeper insecurities (Plenty of people just like to laugh or just like to make others laugh sure, but not always.)

Yeah humour and confidence are usually the top 2 traits that girls list.. This kind of makes sense, it demonstrates that you're light hearted, and you like yourself, so basically happy..

But a lot of people who need to try and be funny all the time, end up just being goofy or rude.. I mean if someones not naturally, really witty, then they might end up being sarcastic or putting people down, to prove how funny they are..

I think humour happens naturally, when you're relaxed, and spontaneous situations come up to laugh at.. that's how it is with me, anyway..

So it comes back to being your best self naturally, or forcing yourself to put on an act to make other people like you..

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by cylon

The reason women don't want a man that lives at home is they are raised to believe that it's your job to support them and their lifestyles, and they figure if you are at home, you aren't making enough money to pay for all their stuff. If they think that, you're in luck because you saved a ton of money.

Those are the women to stay away from. Fortunately in this day and age women are working so they can buy their own things. Also if a girl has that criticism of you, make sure she has moved out as well.

Actually, it's because women want to date you, not your mother.

I don't know what the perfect age for moving out is, but I'd say, mostly if a girl does not live with her parents herself, it's a sign she may see it as an important aspect of maturity and independence.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by spooky

I'm not sure what vibe I'm giving off to women?

The vibe I'm getting is "unsure."

I've been skeptical about how I've been approaching and pursuing women in the last few years of my life....It's difficult to reciprocate attraction and make your intentions clear, when we're inclined as men not to chase.

Do you want to approach and pursue women, or are you not inclined as a man to chase?

Your "unsureness" comes across throughout your post, and I'm betting it does away from the keyboard as well. That's good news, because it's an easy vibe to transform!

If you weren't believing the thoughts in the quote above, what would you be being with women? If you weren't unsure about what vibe you're giving off to women, what vibe do you think you'd be giving off to women?

Although there are women who expect a man to take care of her financially, many women take responsibility for their own well-being and financial care, are simply turned on by a man's ability to take care of himself and to build a life in which he makes his own rules. That can be done while living with parents, but I think more commonly it happens that the adult child is usually submissive or dependent at least in a small way, and he resists the submissiveness and dependence and thereby keeps it in existence -- a constant state of adolescent rebellion. Or he exploits it with a win/lose intention (mom does all his laundry, dad slips him money with no expectation of repayment). That's attractive to a malleable and very unformed woman (the "bad boy" syndrome), but a woman who's ready for a real partnership wants a man who is fully self-possessed and personally powerful.

Own your power!

[yesman]

On the topic of living at home; I think it depends on how you live there. If you're there because you're cheap and you let mommy do everything for you, then that's obviously a bad thing. But I have seen people living with their parents who are actually more independent than those living alone. Some of them cook, clean, help with the bills, and do other household chores. Whereas I've seen a ton of people living on their own whose lives and place are a complete mess, and they haven't even cooked a meal in their entire life.

Really when it comes down to it, I think privacy is the biggest issue. Not too many women want to see a man's mom every time she comes over. They especially do not want to sleep with a man if his mom is a few rooms down from them, and can come knocking any minute.

And besides, I don't think living at home while you're in college is such a big deal at all. In fact, when I was in college, everyone I knew still lived at home (it was a college near the city). No one has money at that age so no one can expect you to be out of the house by then.


But back to the OP's post. Not to be blunt, but it sounds to me that you're just a dork. And I don't mean that you purposely act like one, I mean, it sounds like you ARE one. If that's who you are and you're happy with that, then that's fine. But keep in mind that most of the "cooler" girls your age like a guy who's respected amongst his peers. If you're attempting to go for these types of girls, then it might be best that you go for the different types. Try going for the less popular, more dorky girls. And don't think of it as lowering your standards. Think of it as they're more suitable for you. And trust me, those girls are better to be around than some of the stuck-up, shallow popular ones who you may like.

[LifeFirst]

Originally Posted by brendannz

I think it's different for everybody, living at home.. I'm 27, I'm now a home-owner, but I lived at home for about 8-9 months to allow this to happen.. Before living at home, I was living by myself overseas.

If living at home has huge important advantages for you then do it.. It's normal, and common in many other countries, India. I think Italy as well..

Yeah just about everyone lives with their parents in India. It's the cultural norm.

I don't think all Indians are lazy and immature and cheap......


ok...maybe the cheap part.

[jasonwisdom]

Dorky can work.
So can weird.
I even know one guy who makes creepy work.
It's all in how you own it.

Practice, practice, practice...try on different things constantly, until you find your own natural expression.
Just like any other profession.
(first thing you might want to do is forget about love stories about soulmates...the average 21-23 yo female does not think that way)

If you want a specific piece of advice, find a character and emulate that character. It can be James Dean. It can be Prince. It can be a person you know personally. My personal favorite right now is Sean Connery as James Bond.
Anyone you use as your example, will give you a "growing stick" like a tree, to keep you supported until you're strong/able enough to not need it anymore.

hth

[Mogget]

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

Yeah just about everyone lives with their parents in India. It's the cultural norm.

I don't think all Indians are lazy and immature and cheap......


ok...maybe the cheap part.

Fair point - I was coming from the cultural perspective of Australia and in particular the anglo element of australia - it is much more common for other ethnicties in Aus to remain living with their families for an extended period as a cultural norm...

My perspective is colored by coming from a small country town - where every one moved out of home as soon as they were old enough to either go to uni or leave school and get a job - 16, 17, 18 - you then moved several hundred klicks from your family and supported yourself.

I left home the day I turned 16 - so I find adults living with parents flat out creepy. I'd be at the more extreme end of the spectrum though...

[pjhaggerty]

What are girls looking for?

They want an adventure and comfort.

You want them to feel like they're on a roller coaster with you. It's exciting, but they know the safety bar is there so they're not gonna get hurt.

Now, let me tell you, to be the most attractive, you gotta move out from your parents. Get a job. Get roommates. Especially if you can find roommates who are attractive themselves.

The dorky part- fine if it's what you think. Not fine if you're doing it to make other people laugh. If you say something, you're saying it cause you mean it and feel it. Not to try and get a positive reaction out of someone. This doesn't mean you shouldn't be aware of the reaction you're getting, but you shouldn't change how you act to get attention.

There are plenty of books and forums out there for guys in your situation.

I would check out:

pickup podcast - very on the level, upstanding quality stuff. not pickup lines, this is inner transformation stuff.

zan perrion - has some e-books and products, if you can't shell out for those, check out his natural game forums. Again, a quality guy. Not manipulative or sleazy.

Check out these two, and if they're not enough for you, pm me and i can recommend more

Good luck dude, it is possible for you to become more attractive if you're willing to change yourself.

[Stargirl]

Originally Posted by ar81

If you make them feel uncomfortable, you will fail.

So true.

Yes, be yourself. But also, give her the freedom to be herself. This is where being present really pays off. If you are occupied with yourself when talking with a girl, or anyone for that matter, it's a major turnoff. No planning moves and what you will say ahead of time. Just go with the moment and let your vision be honest.

Yes, some guys succeed at first by pushing the girl down and making her feel inferior, or acting like they're the manliest hot-diggity-dog since Tarzan left the jungle... The key words are "at first"

If you do develop a relationship with her, second key thing is, give her space. And she should do the same. Never make her your life. What keeps you interesting is that you are a growing human being, and you two can grow together.

[drakecatz]

You have gotten some excellent advice here!! One thing I would really push home to you is..

Do not be a dork!! Your dorky days need to be behind you!! It is such a turn off for women! This could be the root of your problem!!

Again...Do not act Dorky!!

[amj]

I agree with drakecatz to an exent. Don't act dorky. However, if your dorkiness is something that most people love, then go ahead and be dorky. But if only a few people find that side of you humorous or seem turned off by it, stop.

As far as being feminine, STOP. It's not coo and women do not like that at all.