Remembering faces

[bluedragon]

Does anyone have problems recognizing people they don't know very well? Do you know of a good face memory quiz (not like the one on BBC)?

I often find myself in the situation where I encounter someone I know on the street or on a bus, but I am utterly incapable of deciding if it is them or not. Sometimes I am almost sure it's them, but still something is keeping me from talking to them. This never happens with my closest friends, whom I can always recognize. I only have this problem when I meet someone in a context different from the one I am used to seeing them in. For example, if I meet a college mate downtown or on a bus, or if I know a girl from a dance class, but I see her at the supermarket. When I meet them at the same location I am used to meet them, I have no trouble recognizing them, cause they are usually the only one of their kind I mean - I know that there is no one there who resembles them.

So for example if I were to meet a girl and get her number, and then I want to go on a date with her - I have no way of recognizing her, unless she recognizes me first and we have that a-ha! moment where we both smile as a sign that we recognized each other. Or if I go somewhere with someone I don't know very well, and we separate for a while, I may have trouble getting back with them if I later see them in a crowd and I start having doubts it's them.

How do you deal with this kinds of situations, if you encounter them?

[Rose of Cairo]

Hi Dan,

I have the same "problem", I'm totally not a visual person and don't have a good visual memory. I usually recognize people based more on their energy, voice, smell, or name. When I don't know them well enough I too am often unable to recognize them. It often happens to me that I see someone on the street and they greet me, and I wonder "Hmm... Do I know him/her, or did s/he just greet me for no reason?".

On the other hand, it often happens that people just say hello to me for no reason on the street, or the other way around, so I don't worry about it and greet them as if they were my next door neighbor. It's not really a problem for me.

The way I handle it is that I usually just tell them. When I meet someone new and we decide to meet again, or when I meet someone I know only from pictures, I might tell them "Hey I'm totally bad at recognizing faces. I hope you will recognize me!" Sometimes we even agree on some kind of sign to recognize each other, like I will be wearing a pink wig, or the other person tells me that they will be wearing black clothes. When it's someone I see regularly but don't know well, like someone from a dance class, I might tell them "Hey, if I see you somewhere and don't greet you, it will just be that I didn't get it was you. I'm bad at remembering faces. Just greet me, you, and I will acknowledge you." Something like that.

I think the reason you're making it a problem for yourself is that you seem to be thinking that it is a flaw or a weakness that you need to hide in some way. But it isn't. Just talk about it! Other people are usually very understanding and cool about that. They might even find it cute.

[intj123]

I have the opposite problem, I remember their faces and personality quite well, the only thing is I can't remember their names! So many people have the same names.

[bluedragon]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I think the reason you're making it a problem for yourself is that you seem to be thinking that it is a flaw or a weakness that you need to hide in some way. But it isn't. Just talk about it! Other people are usually very understanding and cool about that. They might even find it cute.

Thanks Rose, I'm glad you are comfortable dealing with the shortcomings of your face memory recognition "software" However, why shouldn't we see this as a flaw (something that can and should be corrected), cause this is what enables us to become better. I find it very annoying to be unable to recognize people, and as I said, I could miss a lot of opportunities. For example, if I meet a girl I like at a party, and the next day I see her at the supermarket, it would be a great opportunity to get to know her and maybe get together, but if I don't recognize her I cannot go to her.

I want to be able to recognize anyone, in any situation, even with sunglasses or even in disguise. I wanna have perfect face memory !

[Andyee]

Well, i do remember faces and names pretty well. But here is what you can try to do: Every face is unique and has some... well... distinctive signs. Remember this sign and build an assosiation with his name or with whatever you want.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by bluedragon

However, why shouldn't we see this as a flaw (something that can and should be corrected), cause this is what enables us to become better. I find it very annoying to be unable to recognize people, and as I said, I could miss a lot of opportunities.

I've never seen it as a flaw, actually I even never got the idea that I could or should correct it to begin with. I don't feel that it impairs my social life in the slightest.

I also don't believe in missed opportunities. There is such an abundance of people and opportunities out there! If I miss one, it will come back later, or ten others will come instead. If there is someone that I would really resonate with, I trust that we will end up meeting, including in a way that I would be aware of. I've had the most incredible coincidences happen to me in the past to make me meet someone again, even after I screwed it up several times. The Universe is so creative. (And if the person I miss the opportunity with is not someone I would really resonate with, then it's not important that I meet them anyway.)

I have found for myself that seeing something as a flaw that I should correct is the very best way NOT to get rid of it. There is a big difference between being in a place of total acceptance and love for what is, and wanting to create something new just for fun (that works), and resisting something that we judge as being negative and wanting to get rid of it (that does not work for me). What I'm trying to say is that you can of course see it as a flaw, but it would be much easier for you to change it if you didn't.

Love.

[self improvement]

To an extent, I think everyone has this problem. I think only few people actually remember people "out-of-context", especially if they met them just once or twice.

But if you meet someone on a daily basis, but still have a problem recognizing them in a different place or context, than that's different.

Your statement - "So for example if I were to meet a girl and get her number, and then I want to go on a date with her - I have no way of recognizing her,... " doesn't augur well for me - because, even if you may have met this girl only once in this case, the reason you wanted to ask her out was probably because you found at least some of her features attractive; so if there is no way you would recognize her a second time in spite of that, it is not a good sign to me.

The only idea I have for you is to try to notice and remember other aspects of their personality - like the way they dress, their gestures, hair color or voice to associate with the face, and see if they can help you recall the face when you meet them the next time.

I am sure if you visit a memory specialist, he can help you out pretty well. Good Wishes.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by self improvement

But if you meet someone on a daily basis, but still have a problem recognizing them in a different place or context, than that's different.

I have a problem picking family members out of a crowd. An example would be my sisters graduation from high school. The graduation was held in the high school gym. I searched the seated graduates and eventually recognized her because it was easy to go up and down each row of chairs and examine the faces intently.

Later when the students were circulating on the floor of the gym after graduation I simply gave up trying to locate her and waited for her to approach the family.

I do not have pattern recognition problems with anything else that I am aware of but faces are difficult for me. Odd EH!

[aggie]

i usually can remember faces very well....even if i haven't seen someone very often and it was years ago...instant visual recognition...but the name...forget it!

i find i become a little disoriented in large spaces like movie theatres or arenas...i have to kind of calm and focus to find who i'm looking for...including my husband

i did have a very embarrassing moment when i said nice to meet you to a radio dj while on a date with his employee and he said nice to see you again.
but them i remembered i drank a little too much the first time i met him....

[echotibbs]

I think I tell people apart by their hair. If two people have the same hair, then in my mind their faces become indistinguishable from each other. Unless they are standing right next to each other, of course. I work in a university office where students are coming in throughout the day. I never know if I'm supposed to recognize them or not.. like, have they just been in earlier in the day? I've had entire conversations with people in the morning, and then not recognize them again in the afternoon (unless I'm reminded of what the conversation was about). And even if I do manage to recognize one person's face in the office, I'm completely unable to recognize them if I see them elsewhere. Same with faculty or other staff, I recognize them only when I know who they are supposed to be ahead of time. When I'm walking around campus I take my glasses off, and then if anyone gets offended that I don't recognize them I can tell them that I just didn't see them because I wasn't wearing my glasses. Even though I can actually see pretty well without the glasses anyway.

Originally Posted by bluedragon

Does anyone have problems recognizing people they don't know very well? Do you know of a good face memory quiz (not like the one on BBC)?

I often find myself in the situation where I encounter someone I know on the street or on a bus, but I am utterly incapable of deciding if it is them or not. Sometimes I am almost sure it's them, but still something is keeping me from talking to them. This never happens with my closest friends, whom I can always recognize. I only have this problem when I meet someone in a context different from the one I am used to seeing them in. For example, if I meet a college mate downtown or on a bus, or if I know a girl from a dance class, but I see her at the supermarket. When I meet them at the same location I am used to meet them, I have no trouble recognizing them, cause they are usually the only one of their kind I mean - I know that there is no one there who resembles them.

So for example if I were to meet a girl and get her number, and then I want to go on a date with her - I have no way of recognizing her, unless she recognizes me first and we have that a-ha! moment where we both smile as a sign that we recognized each other. Or if I go somewhere with someone I don't know very well, and we separate for a while, I may have trouble getting back with them if I later see them in a crowd and I start having doubts it's them.

How do you deal with this kinds of situations, if you encounter them?