How do you win your girl back

[ajkumar]

I had this interesting conversation with a buddy of mine who broke up with the "love of his life"

She broke it off, but he still wants her back. She just wants to be "friends"

Lol, Yah I've never seen that work

My advice to him was: Move on! If she really wants you, then she'll come after you. Kind of like the you want what you can't have type of thing.

What do you suggest?

[Foggy]

Move on! You can't "win" someone back who is no longer interested in a relationship with you, and if there's any chance of it happening the best method is still moving on. If she sees that he is happily living his life on his own terms there is a much higher chance of her becoming attracted to him again and wanting a relationship. And if not, well then he's already winning because he's happily living life on his own terms.

[Kean]

Yes, you can win her back, but as usual, I think there's no point in making general rules...

it always and entirely depends on the individual situation.

Some suggest "No Contact", but that may be totally out-of-place if the girlfriend broke up because e.g. she felt that he wasn't communicating enough with her!
Others suggest not to call and cry since that would seem needy... but also this depends on the individual girl and the reasons why the break-up happened.

What may be universally important is to understand the causes of the break-up, and be ready to improve on those in the best way possible.

Finally, think positive!

A positive attitude should lead to positive results and also help you think and behave with a clear mind when you're around the girl, decide whether to act strategically or not, etc.

Again, remember: not all women are the same, and not all break-ups are the same.

The girl may have thought about it for a long time, planned it beforehand, already have a lover and potential new boyfriend, but the girl may also be simply testing him, or trying to see how life is as a "single" person.

In either case...
- understand causes
- have a clear mind
- stay positive!

[pjhaggerty]

It sounds like he just lost a lot of love from his life. He can't win that particular girl back, probably, but he can certainly get similiar feelings of love again. I would suggest focusing on his own life and trying to find those similiar feelings of love from a different source. Until he has a replacement source that gives him the same feelings he got from his girlfriend, he won't really be able to move on.

[Alexjstrandberg]

He can't get her back. Even if he does get her back, it WON'T be the same. There will be something off about the reunion that he won't be able to put his finger on. She will seem a little distant, a little preoccupied with her thoughts and emotions. Her love for him will seem a little forced.

That something missing will be the attraction in the relationship. When a girl says "let's be friends" it means "I'm not attracted to you anymore but I feel guilty because of this and don't want to hurt your feelings."

'No contact' works to create feelings of missing someone but not much attraction. Time distorts memories and no contact will allow her to gloss over the real reason why you both broke up.

Here's a video that explains that situation perfectly :

"How to Break up With Your Girlfriend in 64 Easy Steps"

[Dreamline]

My situation was this: I was living with my boyfriend of three years and we were supposed to get married in a month. For whatever reason--he's terribly un-intuitive and can never figure out what motivates himself to do things--he broke up with me and I moved out.

So, as your friend should do, I moved on, got a place, reconnected with friends I had been neglecting due to the distance ex-bf lived, dated some new people. Yeah, it hurt like hell for awhile. But you can hurt and have fun at the same time. If I can do it, your friend can do it. You can hurt and still look toward other futures in a positive way.

Anyway, he started asking for me back about six months later. By then I was having so much fun I wasn't sure I wanted him back, so I made him court me for another year. Now we are married for going on ten years.

His breaking up with me changed him as a person and changed me as a person and both those things made us perfect for each other, when all was said and done.

Look forward. Not back. Your friend will never know if it's in the stars for he and ex-gf to be together but he cannot plan his life as if it is. By doing so, he negates her right to choose her own path.

It's not all about him. Unless that's the reason she broke up with him in the first place...

Jennifer