How do you handle people who don't take you seriously?

[princelucfiehr]

Originally Posted by Dreamline

I forgot...how old are you? If you are over 21, your dad needs a little pat on the head when he acts like that. A kiss on the cheek and a smile. Cute but no longer appropriate reactions, even for a parent.

You are mistaking your friend's reactions for demands. They are reacting but have no right to demand from you. You don't need anyone's permission or prejudgement and if your friends demand that from you, it's coming from THEIR ego, not any wrongdoing on your part. They should be supportive no matter what period along the timeline of a project you decide to confide in them. They need a little pat and a smile too.

Jennifer

I like that. I'm 17 tho, but I have the same general problem of not being taken seriously by my family (and they never have, my whole life they've been negative about everything I've ever wanted to do...). They get pissy when I dont conform to the image they have of me, or when I dont do what they consider to be practical...but I've realized that everything they've ever told me has NOTHING to do with me.

And RockChick26 should think about that point. A lot of the time people, when giving advice or opinions are coming from a very biased place (naturally, as we are only human), and anything they say comes from things that happened to THEM. For example, my whole life my dad has told me that I'll never make a living off of art, and that everyone is out to steal my ideas and characters. Then my therapist brought up the above point and asked about his own art career. He was talented, but never went anywhere with his art, and one of his characters was stolen. But the point is, just because that happened to him, it doesnt mean itll happen to me. My step-father has told me ever since I was thirteen that I was no-good punk and never going to make anything from myself. But then...looking at him...he came from a private highschool, but dropped out from being involved with gangs and drugs. He lost a scholarship to a school, and worked as a ups man for ten years. Then he went to a trade school and became some doctor thingy. Off of my mum's paycheck, of course. So who really was the worthless one?

When some one points their finger at you, look at the person pointing.

[intj123]

I have similar problems. One of the reasons for this is because I look young for my age, I'm 24 and I look like I'm 18 if I shave all my facial hair, I'll probably look 21 when I'm 30 or something. Adults in general have a problem with belittling the youth, they don't give the proper respect as they would for an individual closer to their age group. On top of that, the general populace has a completely different worldview, and when there is such a sharp contrast in core values and beliefs, it's hard to really relate to anything with that person.


It seems like they liked the older version of you, perhaps they can relate to that version of you better. But next time when someone makes a remark like that (that's not like you). You should tell them that maybe they don't know you as well as they thought, personality is a dynamic thing, people are not static beings who stay the same throughout life. The me you know today, is not the same me 5 years later. Your family might be stuck with an image of you from long ago, let them know that people grow, people change, and that they don't know everything about what goes on with you in your life, and that they should not just listen, but try to understand the things you try to tell them.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Dreamline

I forgot...how old are you? If you are over 21, your dad needs a little pat on the head when he acts like that. A kiss on the cheek and a smile. Cute but no longer appropriate reactions, even for a parent.

You are mistaking your friend's reactions for demands. They are reacting but have no right to demand from you. You don't need anyone's permission or prejudgement and if your friends demand that from you, it's coming from THEIR ego, not any wrongdoing on your part. They should be supportive no matter what period along the timeline of a project you decide to confide in them. They need a little pat and a smile too.

Jennifer

I'm 36, and yeah I know it's their ego doing this, and it isn't my fault. But it's still hard to deal with when it comes from nearly everyone in your life! I don't really want to lose these people or cause problems, and you know how people are, they blame YOU and certainly not themselves, so if I call this to their attention they'll think I'm losing my mind and it would change the friendship.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by princelucfiehr

I like that. I'm 17 tho, but I have the same general problem of not being taken seriously by my family (and they never have, my whole life they've been negative about everything I've ever wanted to do...). They get pissy when I dont conform to the image they have of me, or when I dont do what they consider to be practical...but I've realized that everything they've ever told me has NOTHING to do with me.

And RockChick26 should think about that point. A lot of the time people, when giving advice or opinions are coming from a very biased place (naturally, as we are only human), and anything they say comes from things that happened to THEM. For example, my whole life my dad has told me that I'll never make a living off of art, and that everyone is out to steal my ideas and characters. Then my therapist brought up the above point and asked about his own art career. He was talented, but never went anywhere with his art, and one of his characters was stolen. But the point is, just because that happened to him, it doesnt mean itll happen to me. My step-father has told me ever since I was thirteen that I was no-good punk and never going to make anything from myself. But then...looking at him...he came from a private highschool, but dropped out from being involved with gangs and drugs. He lost a scholarship to a school, and worked as a ups man for ten years. Then he went to a trade school and became some doctor thingy. Off of my mum's paycheck, of course. So who really was the worthless one?

When some one points their finger at you, look at the person pointing.

Yep! This is all correct! It's the same as when someone accuses you of something, usually it's because THEY'RE guilty of it themselves!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by intj123

I have similar problems. One of the reasons for this is because I look young for my age, I'm 24 and I look like I'm 18 if I shave all my facial hair, I'll probably look 21 when I'm 30 or something. Adults in general have a problem with belittling the youth, they don't give the proper respect as they would for an individual closer to their age group. On top of that, the general populace has a completely different worldview, and when there is such a sharp contrast in core values and beliefs, it's hard to really relate to anything with that person.


It seems like they liked the older version of you, perhaps they can relate to that version of you better. But next time when someone makes a remark like that (that's not like you). You should tell them that maybe they don't know you as well as they thought, personality is a dynamic thing, people are not static beings who stay the same throughout life. The me you know today, is not the same me 5 years later. Your family might be stuck with an image of you from long ago, let them know that people grow, people change, and that they don't know everything about what goes on with you in your life, and that they should not just listen, but try to understand the things you try to tell them.

Exactly! We all change so much, well most of us do anyway...I guess I can think of a few people who are so set in their ways that i'm surprised they even change their clothes every day!

And I agree with what you said about how everyone has a different world view, it's amazing we can ever find people we get along with and agree with! It's interesting there are a billion people who say something is right and another billion who say it's wrong.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Dreamline

plan, ponder, perfect and execute my plans without any input because people, in their zest to help you avoid pitfalls, will find ANY little reason why you should be careful or not do something. You have to remember that they are basing everything on THEIR OWN perspectives and it is already, therefore, not pertinent to you.

Some wise words there

[James81]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

and you know how people are, they blame YOU and certainly not themselves, so if I call this to their attention they'll think I'm losing my mind and it would change the friendship.

Careful, this is a very limiting belief to hold. Remember that we create the reality we experience through our belief systems (this is something that the Steve-o-matic has talked about in his podcasts ).

Also know that we tend to project our own qualities onto others and then make judgements about them based on those projections.

So, are people really like this? or are you like this? More importantly, though, is how much more empowering would it be to believe that other people respect us for the decisions we make for ourselves. And that they are watching us, hoping for our own success so that they can emulate it in their own lives. That they are looking for a "leader" (of sorts), someone to bust through all the limitations and do the thing that they think is impossible.

Wouldn't that change your perspective on the people around you? You think that that would change your friendships?

[kwicherbichen]

Yeah... its your life. I have the same problem with my family because they are nigerian and want things to be very traditional. My parents don't seem to want super-star children. Or they don't realize that in order to be a super-star you CAN'T be like everyone else.

Well, anyway... yeah. Just go full force with whatever it is you want to do. You have to keep going otherwise you will be unhappy and whenever they nag you, you will feel depressed.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by James81

Careful, this is a very limiting belief to hold. Remember that we create the reality we experience through our belief systems (this is something that the Steve-o-matic has talked about in his podcasts ).

Also know that we tend to project our own qualities onto others and then make judgements about them based on those projections.

So, are people really like this? or are you like this?

THEY are like this, and I know I'm not like this because I WANT my friends to change, I want them to broaden their horizons and try new things and be different once in a while. That's the whole reason why they give me a hard time about it because they're not like me, and they don't want to be forced to do things they don't want to do. So, we always end up doing the same old thing every single time, and I end up feeling like there is so much more to life than I can experience with them. No wonder I love being alone because I can do what I want and not spend 6 hours in front of a tv!

More importantly, though, is how much more empowering would it be to believe that other people respect us for the decisions we make for ourselves. And that they are watching us, hoping for our own success so that they can emulate it in their own lives. That they are looking for a "leader" (of sorts), someone to bust through all the limitations and do the thing that they think is impossible.

Wouldn't that change your perspective on the people around you? You think that that would change your friendships?

I have TRIED to be a leader, I have tried to get my friends into the same stuff I am, that's how I know how they feel about it because they react in a bad way. Maybe my friends just show feelings of admiration disguised as jealousy and unacceptance, but either way, it's a bad vibe and then I always retreat back to my usual self.

[Dreamline]

Originally Posted by princelucfiehr

I like that. I'm 17 tho, but I have the same general problem of not being taken seriously by my family (and they never have, my whole life they've been negative about everything I've ever wanted to do...). They get pissy when I dont conform to the image they have of me, or when I dont do what they consider to be practical...but I've realized that everything they've ever told me has NOTHING to do with me.

And RockChick26 should think about that point. A lot of the time people, when giving advice or opinions are coming from a very biased place (naturally, as we are only human), and anything they say comes from things that happened to THEM. For example, my whole life my dad has told me that I'll never make a living off of art, and that everyone is out to steal my ideas and characters. Then my therapist brought up the above point and asked about his own art career. He was talented, but never went anywhere with his art, and one of his characters was stolen. But the point is, just because that happened to him, it doesnt mean itll happen to me. My step-father has told me ever since I was thirteen that I was no-good punk and never going to make anything from myself. But then...looking at him...he came from a private highschool, but dropped out from being involved with gangs and drugs. He lost a scholarship to a school, and worked as a ups man for ten years. Then he went to a trade school and became some doctor thingy. Off of my mum's paycheck, of course. So who really was the worthless one?

When some one points their finger at you, look at the person pointing.

You are way smarter than I was at age 17.

Jennifer

[kwicherbichen]

Rockchick, do not retreat. If you retreat because you feel unsupported, then what was the point of going through all that turmoil for? I'm assuming its something you care about.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

THEY are like this,

That's better. Not "people" in general are like this...just your friends.

If you are unhappy with your current set of friends, then it's time to branch out and meet some new people who are more like you. You're allowing your friends to define who you are (i.e. you said "no wonder I like being alone"...is that the case or do you just prefer not being with your friends?).

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by James81

That's better. Not "people" in general are like this...just your friends.

If you are unhappy with your current set of friends, then it's time to branch out and meet some new people who are more like you. You're allowing your friends to define who you are (i.e. you said "no wonder I like being alone"...is that the case or do you just prefer not being with your friends?).

That's a good question, and I guess I won't know until I make new friends! But I do love being alone though, I think no matter who my friends are, I will still need solitude quite often. I think every other day I could be totally alone for an entire day. Being around people a lot drains me, since I'm an introvert. So when I spend time with friends who aren't on the same level as me, I feel extra drained because then I have to do what they want to do and talk about things they want to talk about. Wow, I never realized how "bad" my friends are for me. I've always been a very loyal person, not wanting to let friendships go, especially ones that I've had for over 10 years like most of mine.

But your family though, you can't exchange those for new ones. So, it would be silly to get rid of all my friends when it won't eliminate the problem completely anyway. It's like doing an extermination on your house and only getting half the bugs out!