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08-12-2009, 09:39 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 284
 |  Foolish
See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while im with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you See my days are cold without you But I'm hurtin while im with you And though my heart can't take no more I keep on running back to you Forgive me for being corny but this song ("Foolish" by Ashanti) sums up the situation I am in. Not 100% but close... First, thank you all for reading and replying (a little soon for that I know:P). I hate dumping my problems like this but I guess this is the place for it. My problem is that... im mad because i am in love. in LOVE. this love makes me accept/tolerate things that I probably shouldn`t. No, he is not beating me. And most of the time he is FABULOUS. But a few days ago he did something that was very rude and hurt me. He crossed a line that should not be crossed. He made me feel humiliated. We have discussed it (after I cooled down) and he apologized and tryed to explain why he did what he did. And, I understood that but it does not change the fact of what he did. It can never be erased and I am having a hard time forgeting it (this is something since I usually don`t stay mad for a long time)... Now, one part of me (my dignity and pride) feels like walking away and forgetting him. There are certain things that cannot be forgiven. In my opinion he crossed that line. T The other part of me loves him SO much that I am willing to forget it... really, that part wants to forget all the bad things and be happy again, with him, in eternal bliss (picture two happy people on a sunny white beach surrounded with butterflies and pink flowers). I just want everything to be right again. I love him so much. Pride or love? Or am I missing something? |
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08-13-2009, 06:26 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Legendary Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Where Living and Loving and Laughing are written into the Constitution
Posts: 14,240
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You are missing the rebound. I know it sounds like it can't happen but when you let them get away with it once there is no guarantee that they will not do it again. I would say it keeps the door ajar for it happening again and them counting on it being forgive again... it is a vicious circle, once you are in it, it is very, very hard to get out. So now it is love... the beach... and what happens when it cools down and life gets into its every day phase? For me it is not the question of pride or love but the future, predicting if it is really just once in a life incident. Take care of yourself first, because if you don't you won't be able to take care of anybody else. This is what my grandmother used to say  |
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08-13-2009, 08:37 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mexico City
Posts: 11,168
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Something like this happened to me as well. My husband has hurt me, several times actually, in ways that really hurt me deep in my soul. yet I forgave him and stayed with him, and he never made the same mistake. One thing that comes to mind right away was one night I was having a panic attack, and he refused to wake up. He told me to get over myself and to grow up... This is not something you should say to somebody who cannot breath and feels like the walls are closing in on her and is turning to the only thing she thinks is stable in her life... We were only dating for a few months when this happened. I ran away from him, that night. Which was something that hurt him in his soul. That he woke up to find a note of me saying I was gone... Yet we are together now for 5 years, married for 3. Happier then ever before. This little story is just to show you that you can forgive. Everybody (in my opinion) is entitled to a second chance. I have told him very clearly that if this would happen again, I would walk, and be gone forever. Because I need to be able to trust in my life partner. We were hurting for a while, slowly we grew back together. He has never done this thing again. Other things have happened, things that hurt me as well, and as much. He is only human, he makes mistakes. Things that for me are beyond important, can be insignificant for him. How does he know unless I tell him. Damage done, yes, but I am an adult and capable of forgiving and letting go. Not right away, but eventually. Basically, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody deserves a second chance (in my opinion even for physical violence. It happened to me once, and never again. We are still happy together). If it happens again.. if he didn't listen to you how much it hurt you the first time, it is time to walk. But why walk from something beautiful, for a simple mistake? |
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08-13-2009, 06:40 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Southwest desert
Posts: 469
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