An intolerance of those with negative self talk

[Grey]

Having continued to work towards a positive, constructive and loving future, with a positive, constructive and loving attitude, I've developed a serious impatience for those who constantly put themselves down, or look to be saved from their situation. I've come very far, and found that alot of people I know are this way, and I consciously chose them as friends back when I myself was looking to be saved, but now in all honesty, having gone from someone who was very willing, eager even to sit someone down and comfort them, I can't stand it when people bitch and moan about situations they create coming back to bite them. I create conflict when I furiously try to explain they are only futhering their misery by blaming everyone else but themselves.

This being the situation, I have to say I don't resent these people, nor bear them ill will - I simply cannot stand and react to the self defeatism with hostility. Is this a patience I will relearn, from a more developed place, or is it part and parcel of being a mildly ruthless young man?

[Alexjstrandberg]

It's natural to feel this way. I don't like crying or moaning and people becoming victimized by the situation. I understand why they do it BUT I don't wish to be around it and that's perfectly fine. I don't enjoy babies crying, loud construction work or loud music but it doesn't mean that I'm intolerant. I lump belly aching into the same category.

When I was a victim, I hated listening to success and people solving their problems. Their attitudes and actions was completely opposite to the views I held and it drove me insane (as it did others). But now that I'm on the other side of the fence I enjoy listening to people taking response-ability for their lives-it's inspiring but can't stand listening to blaming others. I love those people but I love them from afar.

With that being said, there could also be a apart of you that feels guilty, maybe even shameful for playing the victim role in the past. A lot of the times people disconnect from their past without ever really letting go of it when they improve and develop. Whenever they see someone that reminds them of who they used to be they repress the emotions or go into attack. Pointing a finger helps cover up ones issues because perception is often projection.

[Dreamline]

I agree, as well. You don't have to love it, but try not to hate it. Mostly, I just send people like that love vibes. They probably need them more than anyone.

If you are feeling really naughty, you can entertain yourself by messing with them. When you get a real bitch-and-moaner, try suddenly smiling and saying something positive, right in the middle of their whine. It's more fun if it's random. Like "I saw seven stingrays when I was in Floriday last year!" With a big grin. It's so random and so weird, it stops them dead and they often forget what they were B&Ming about. Tony Robbins calls that a state-changer. Then say "Oh sorry, what were you saying?" Most people can tell you are goofing on them which sometimes breaks the spell of being a whiner for them. Most people will not seek to do something that others pick on them for.

People should be held accountable for the level of drama they spew in the world. That's my motto.

Jennifer

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Grey

I can't stand it when people bitch and moan about situations they create coming back to bite them. I create conflict when I furiously try to explain they are only futhering their misery by blaming everyone else but themselves.

I get quite impatient around bitch-and-moaners too. But the ones who complain about personal situations are easy, I point them to a book they can read and find the nearest exit. The ones who really get to me are the ones who complain about crap they know they cannot do anything about. Recently I got stuck with one who all he wanted to do was complain about Mexicans. All the time I'm thinking, goodness you must be such a sad SOB. Another one is the ones that are always complaining about the economy these days, every chance they get. You can only nod and try your best to be patient. Or interrupt them with something like how beautiful the weather is.

And yes I get the irony of my post. Complaining about complainers Ha! But you didn't have to read it.

[jasonwisdom]

Behind every complaint is either a plea for help, or a declaration of "this is how I want things to be."

[Grey]

I believe you hit the nail on the head Alex: I felt a straight, irrational reaction, which I know see as a defense of my own unwillingness to feel like that again.

I thank you all for sound advice