If this is really what women not only think, but read, then it's no wonder...

[jamesbiz]

It's no wonder that every single relationship I've ever seen has failed miserably, and any that hasn't usually live in either a daze, or constant lying and misery.

3 Little White Lies Men Should Always Tell - MSN Relationships - article


What extremely amazingly horrible advice. I guess it's true that magazines that women read are the window to their minds. I just hope I avoid any women that reads stuff like that.

[James81]

I agree that that article is utter trash. But what else do you expect on MSN? lol The funny thing is, that the guy in the article pulls off a "neg" (something mentioned in PUA communities) pretty well. And, judging by the way she ended the article, I'd say it worked. She forgot all that stuff that made her upset (he took her down a peg or two) when he gave her a genuine compliment. Sad that you have to take some women down a peg or two before you can build them up, but, hey, it works. *shrug*

That being said, though, this articles and these beliefs in this article are not why your relationships have failed miserably. But I think, on some level, you already know that.

[aggie]

what is that well worn, sophmoric expression....gag me with a spoon!

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by James81

I agree that that article is utter trash. But what else do you expect on MSN? lol The funny thing is, that the guy in the article pulls off a "neg" (something mentioned in PUA communities) pretty well. And, judging by the way she ended the article, I'd say it worked. She forgot all that stuff that made her upset (he took her down a peg or two) when he gave her a genuine compliment. Sad that you have to take some women down a peg or two before you can build them up, but, hey, it works. *shrug*

That being said, though, this articles and these beliefs in this article are not why your relationships have failed miserably. But I think, on some level, you already know that.

lol I know exactly why relationships fail ( or why my relationships have failed), and lying to our selves and to others usually is the culprit . And not the type of lying where you break up because they caught you in a lie. It's on Marie Claire. A magazine women go to for advice, and where men go to "read the minds" of women. MSN just put it on their site is all.

[MidasGirl]

Jamesbiz, seriously, the kind of girl who reads dating advice from a dating blogger () on Marie Claire, isn't the kind of girl you want to date. Not for a guy on "Personal Development for Smart People" forums anyway. Raise your bar and you will find people living there already.

That said, there are enough screwed up girls out there, who've been taught that their only value is their looks. Mothers of daughters -- we have a lot of work to do, because your daughters will hang around these girls.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by jamesbiz

What extremely amazingly horrible advice. I guess it's true that magazines that women read are the window to their minds. I just hope I avoid any women that reads stuff like that.

Honesty is always the best policy, right? Well, sure — except when it comes to getting-to-know-you flirting sessions. Here, one of Marie Claire's dating bloggers reveals three little white lies she never gets tired of hearing from flirtatious men.

This article is not about how to act in a relationship. It is about what is nice to hear in a flirty environment.

And I completely agree with her.

It is nice to hear you are skinny, yougn and (for lack of a better word) ****able...

I still like to hear these things from my husband as well. There are simply things that we have honestly agreed upon upfront that he should always say, no matter if it is a lie or the truth.

I don't really think this is anything very shocking...

You catch more flies with honey as they say...

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

This article is not about how to act in a relationship. It is about what is nice to hear in a flirty environment.

And I completely agree with her.

It is nice to hear you are skinny, yougn and (for lack of a better word) ****able...

I still like to hear these things from my husband as well. There are simply things that we have honestly agreed upon upfront that he should always say, no matter if it is a lie or the truth.

I don't really think this is anything very shocking...

You catch more flies with honey as they say...

The way I see it is, if you want to hear people say you are skinny, young, and ****able, then you need to BE all those things. *shrug*

Don't ask everybody to lie or kiss your ass to make you feel better about being too lazy to go to the gym and eat right. Cause if you do those two things, you'll both look and feel younger, and be very ****able.

EDIT: No you specifically. those were all general "you's".

[MidasGirl]

The article to me sounded like something Kathy Griffin would write -- satire. I don't disagree with it, but it simply satirizes the screwed up women in our society.

[marinik]

Oh com on people it is just things we say to feed the ego!! It is like I told my friend that there were gorgeous basket ball players last nigh at a hotel but that he is better looking then any of them and he is 50!!!! White, nice, flirty sexy little lies. It is more like a for play than deceit! We all know how big our buts are and how old we look! Just games, play or don't play! Duh!

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by James81

The way I see it is, if you want to hear people say you are skinny, young, and ****able, then you need to BE all those things. *shrug*

Same here.

If you're fat and need to be told you're skinny, that's pathetic IMO. (General you.)

[James81]

Originally Posted by marinik

Oh com on people it is just things we say to feed the ego!! It is like I told my friend that there were gorgeous basket ball players last nigh at a hotel but that he is better looking then any of them and he is 50!!!! White, nice, flirty sexy little lies. It is more like a for play than deceit! We all know how big our buts are and how old we look! Just games, play or don't play! Duh!

Yeah, I get that.

What I don't get is when someone DOESN'T feed the ego, they feel a need to write an article about it or twist what they say into something ridiculous.

The whole "he said I was athletic, so I assumed he meant 'thick'" crap is what annoys me about this article. Maybe she was being facetious and writing sattire, but there are far too many people out there who seriously do this kind of thing.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by James81

Yeah, I get that.

What I don't get is when someone DOESN'T feed the ego, they feel a need to write an article about it or twist what they say into something ridiculous.

The whole "he said I was athletic, so I assumed he meant 'thick'" crap is what annoys me about this article. Maybe she was being facetious and writing sattire, but there are far too many people out there who seriously do this kind of thing.

I agree the article is crap but it is what people do, you can write the same story and get the Nobel prize and not be published because it is pathetic and cheesy!

[aggie]

a little ego stroking and flirting is natural....i think men and women need to hear it once in a while.

but there something to be said for finesse in one's technique as opposed to over the top, exaggerated flattery...i think something was mentioned about the use of alcohol as well.

women sometimes like a little head turning, as well as men from the opposite sex.

i think most women don't want to be flirted with like they are tramps...

that kinda stuff should be saved for behind closed doors...

[MidasGirl]

I guess the problem with the article is it's talking about encouraging telling people lies to make them feel better about themselves. I agree that flirting and complimenting is incredibly sexy, but by being told lies? Why not have people focus on the qualities that are (truly) great about you and compliment you on those? Everyone has some physical quality(s) that are beautiful about them. What's with the obsession with skinny and young? No wonder the botox and silicone industry are thriving.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

Same here.

If you're fat and need to be told you're skinny, that's pathetic IMO. (General you.)

There is a difference between NEED to be told, or like to be told

I am not fat, (nor skinny,) yet I still like it when my husband tells me that I look good / skinny / nice / etc.

My world would not fall apart if he would not do that. I have a mirror, I know what I look like.

Yet, it makes my day when somebodies does.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by ssandra

There is a difference between NEED to be told, or like to be told

...

We are different then Ssandra, I don't like to be told I'm something that I know I am not.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

We are different then Ssandra, I don't like to be told I'm something that I know I am not.

But I know that I am skinny (ok, well, not skinny, but beautiful at least). Sometimes when I don´t feel this way (that special time of the month) I still like him telling me that he thinks I am beautiful...

(for other peoples opinions and the effect they have on you: Nobody is an island (effect of other people))

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

But I know that I am skinny (ok, well, not skinny, but beautiful at least). Sometimes when I don´t feel this way (that special time of the month) I still like him telling me that he thinks I am beautiful...

(for other poeples opinions and the effect they have on you: Nobody is an island (effect of other people))

Yeah, but would you get bent out of shape if someone selected a different word for you?

Instead of saying "oh you are skinny" would you be upselt if they said, "you have a nice body"? Cause that's what the author was saying. If the guy doesn't choose her pre-approved word, then it's not good enough.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

Yeah, but would you get bent out of shape if someone selected a different word for you?

Instead of saying "oh you are skinny" would you be upselt if they said, "you have a nice body"? Cause that's what the author was saying. If the guy doesn't choose her pre-approved word, then it's not good enough.

I understand what you mean, and no, i would not. (or maybe I would.. depending on the word... but I am grown up enough to ask my partner how he ment it, and after his explanation, I would be satisfied with that).

[jamesbiz]

As conscious human beings on a track to personal development... can we not all strive to eliminate ego from our minds all together?

The only people that need their ego's stroked are the ones that are NOT confident enough in them selves. I'm sorry, but that's the cold hard truth. You might think that you are pretty, and skinny, and what ever... and probably mean it. But the person who needs an ego stroking and actually benefits from it is not confident enough yet.

It's ok that people have ego's. We are weak minded ( honestly, we really are. Don't believe me, then try your best to stop your mind from chattering at ANY one point in time) and we will succumb to that. But to actually seek out and admit to wanting your ego stroked, with what you feel in your heart are lies? This is a website for self improvement. What you should be saying is " I don't NEED their words. I might want them, but I'm on my way to transcending the need for it as I become a better overall person".

Don't rely on other people for your comfort or happiness. That's the fastest way to sadness, the second those people leave.

[marinik]

People let your hair down! Those are just innocent games people play! We all want to be beautiful and special for that someone.. this is why we try to improve in a way. So making so much fuss about some small is a waist of time.

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by marinik

People let your hair down! Those are just innocent games people play! We all want to be beautiful and special for that someone.. this is why we try to improve in a way. So making so much fuss about some small is a waist of time.

They might feel innocent to you, but not to the tons of woman out there who are bulimic or anorexic for exactly these types of beliefs. Everything starts innocent, but as we've seen time and time again, people can not control their own thoughts. Eventually little thoughts turn into big thoughts, and you can't stop them. I've counseled plenty of people, and it always comes down to the same thing. They need admiration from others to feel important. It creates a lack of admiration from them selves. The second they get to a point where people aren't complimenting them anymore, uh oh. Time to throw up.

But hey, I live in Fort Lauderdale, Fl. so maybe I have some bias

[aggie]

totally agree...we are human, we do have egos...and even though some may like the stroking, not everyone needs it....obviously that should be our aspiration.

which brings to mind the flip side of not depending on what people think...anyone else out there picked on in school because you did not fit the footplayer or cheerleader criteria.....?

which is part of the reason many people need adult life stroking....even the ones who were envied....is all they knew sometimes...being pretty, athletic, handsome, popular....some never get beyond thinking they are going get by on anything but their looks.

and look at society....some "pretty people" that aren't particular bright do get hired and promoted.

and there are some traditionally beautiful people who are brilliant!

that's what makes it go 'round

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by jamesbiz

It's ok that people have ego's. We are weak minded ( honestly, we really are. Don't believe me, then try your best to stop your mind from chattering at ANY one point in time) and we will succumb to that. But to actually seek out and admit to wanting your ego stroked, with what you feel in your heart are lies? This is a website for self improvement. What you should be saying is " I don't NEED their words. I might want them, but I'm on my way to transcending the need for it as I become a better overall person".

Food for thought...

I don´t NEED it, but I want it.

I want my husband to like me, to tell me I am beautiful etc. Is that really just ego talking? I always thought it would be normal. Why would you want to be with somebody who does not think you are beautiful...?

I know that I am not the best looking girl in the world, although I do look good. Yet it makes me feel very good when my husband tells me that he thinks I am.. Is that also just ego talking and do people who are "more developed" not want that?

I don´t care btw if he says other people are pretty or beautiful too.. i just want him to tell me I am the most beautiful...

hmmm... i´ll think about that.. Would like your opinion on the other thread as well, if you have time.

[dirtyhive]

What gets me is that this thing reads like a shopping list of what a man is supposed to say. It's like "listen up retards, I need a, b and c if you have a chance of getting with me."

Funny how nobody gives a crap what men like.

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by dirtyhive

What gets me is that this thing reads like a shopping list of what a man is supposed to say. It's like "listen up retards, I need a, b and c if you have a chance of getting with me."

Funny how nobody gives a crap what men like.

Eh, men are easy to please lol. as long as we find them moderately attractive, they can pretty much get what they want out of us.

[James81]

Originally Posted by dirtyhive

What gets me is that this thing reads like a shopping list of what a man is supposed to say. It's like "listen up retards, I need a, b and c if you have a chance of getting with me."

Funny how nobody gives a crap what men like.

Exactly.

And the funny thing is, even though that guy said those things to her, the way the last point worked (and you can tell by her tone) that she most likely still ended up sleeping with him/getting with him.

The thing I've discovered is very common is that women say they want all these thing (and make lists) but when it comes down to it, those things that they want are things that will actually turn them off to you.

It why I very rarely listen to advice on how to attract a woman from a woman. It's like asking the car what it needs to run...the car can't tell you. But the mechanic can.

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by James81

Exactly.

And the funny thing is, even though that guy said those things to her, the way the last point worked (and you can tell by her tone) that she most likely still ended up sleeping with him/getting with him.

The thing I've discovered is very common is that women say they want all these thing (and make lists) but when it comes down to it, those things that they want are things that will actually turn them off to you.

It why I very rarely listen to advice on how to attract a woman from a woman. It's like asking the car what it needs to run...the car can't tell you. But the mechanic can.

sooo, the best person to ask would be the..


gyno?

[James81]

Originally Posted by jamesbiz

sooo, the best person to ask would be the..


gyno?

Word.

[ns123]

I think in a general sense, everyone likes to hear positive things about themselves. But depending on the circumstances, who you are talking to, sometimes the same compliment to one person would not work on another person.

If I was 60 pounds overweight... for a guy to tell me I'm thin or a size 2 would be an outright lie - and he would come off as being mocking and insulting. If I was 22, for a guy to tell me I'm young doesn't really flatter me, but upset me. Mainly because when I was 22 (and very young looking) people didn't take me seriously. As for being f-able... I find that really offensive unless it's my husband saying that to me, in which it would be foreplay.

So if you're 22, or married, or really overweight... none of these flirty little lines would work. At least, not on me.

I think, if you want to be flirty... the best way to be is to customize your flirts to who you are flirting with.