Building Trust From The Ground Up

[Thomas]

What things could I suggest to one of two people to build mutual trust in an easy-going way from the ground up?

[ssandra]

Be open. Don't hide stuff
Communicate. If there is something you are not ready to talk about, say that. 'Don't lie about it.
Give trust.
Don't just talk about day to day life, but about your believes, familie, childhood etc.
Listen without judgement.
Don't try to fix things, just listen.
Only give your opinion when you are asked to, when the other is saying things that are emotional for them.

[Thomas]

In other words be trustworthy. :-) Any other suggestions?

[Cheshire Cat]

I think I'd just try to make sure my actions consistently backed up words, and the trust develops from there. It's also a lot harder to rebuild trust after past damage has been done than to build it from a totally clean slate. I've found that second chances tend to be more earned than freely given.

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Be open. Don't hide stuff
Communicate. If there is something you are not ready to talk about, say that. 'Don't lie about it.
Give trust.
Don't just talk about day to day life, but about your believes, familie, childhood etc.
Listen without judgement.
Don't try to fix things, just listen.
Only give your opinion when you are asked to, when the other is saying things that are emotional for them.

You can lop off the bottom four.

The top three are all you need when it comes to just building trust.

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

It's also a lot harder to rebuild trust after past damage has been done than to build it from a totally clean slate. I've found that second chances tend to be more earned than freely given.

Any suggestions for this kind of situation?

[Gabo]

I have a friend (my roommate actually) that I have had a lot of difficulty building mutual trust with. I try to be completely open and honest with him, but he always reacts negatively to it. He'll tell me that he doesn't want to talk about it or that he's busy, and then he starts ignoring me.

I really don't know what to do, because I am used to being really open in my relationships.
How do you build trust in a relationship when the other person is so unwilling?

[Cheshire Cat]

Good relationships usually involve a measure of trust, given and taken, from both sides. Since we can't control what the other party is willing to do or not do, we have to decide for ourselves what and how much we're willing to put up with and whether an uncooperative partner is worth the persistence. Different people may require different methods of gaining trust and openness, and some may need a lot longer time and patience than others, especially those who aren't natural communicators. If you love and care strongly enough for someone, I think trust can grow (or be healed) simply by continuing to 'show up' or being there for them, assuming of course that they still hold the same feelings for you as well. We can only do so much on our own, and I'd feel discouraged too if after awhile I didn't sense any of the same giving of trust and honesty in return.

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

We can only do so much on our own, and I'd feel discouraged too if after awhile I didn't sense any of the same giving of trust and honesty in return.

While I relate to the first part of this, that you can't be completely isolated from the rest of mankind in a healthy way, I think the hard thing would to trust in someone and not expect being relied on oneself. For some reason I appreciate being relied on as well (maybe a male, Dr. John Gray-esque thing).

How do you build trust in a relationship when the other person is so unwilling?

Probably depends on a lot of things, such as your past history, how the other person is showing their unwillingness and a lot more. Being patient in the development of a relationship is probably just as hard but then if you see a chance and the only thing you have to do is extend a hand every now and then, I suppose the 'measure' with which you value the relationship('s potential) is your willingness to continue doing so.

Obviously if the depth of relationship you are offering is a huge mismatch to what the other person is even vaguely considering, it'll be somewhat more difficult.

[Gabo]

Originally Posted by Thomas

Obviously if the depth of relationship you are offering is a huge mismatch to what the other person is even vaguely considering, it'll be somewhat more difficult.

I think that may be my problem.

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by Gabo

I think that may be my problem.

It doesn't mean it's entirely impossible though. There are various ways how you can approach the situation and if you feel like it's worth a try, you could try to achieve a relationship of less depth for now - or, as Steve writes, you could try the direct approach (e. g., if you can't entirely/flat out discount the possibility or maybe sense that there's more behind the curtains than you've seen so far). At least you should give yourself a chance; you're not forcing anyone to do anything.