Should I do it or Not?

[All i Know]

So long story short
my gf and I are on a "break". she was the one who wanted it. at first i tried to get her to reconsider, but then i decided to give her time. the reason we ended up getting in this fix is because i felt like she was talking to her ex too much, this was the start of it, and i caught her talking to him a couple of times after i asked her not too. she did stop. but then near the end of our relationship she became a little distant, and her reasons for taking the break was that I was too possessive and needed to know where she was at all time ( i think the reason i started to feel that i needed to was because i was a bit scared she might like her ex again....).

So anyways weve been on a break. she went to visit her relative for the past week. we didnt really talk on the phone for the past month, only a text here or there. but today after i received her missed call yesterday i called her and we talked for a hour and a half. i knew she was coming back so i asked her if she wanted to goto a festival nearby, and id pick her up from the airport. she would otherwise take the metro back home.

she refused and said she didnt wanna hang out just yet. i was hoping she would say yes. especailly cause she called me first... and maybe wanted to hang out or talk more.

so here is the dilemma. ive been known to do some outlandish stuff. and since she is going to take the metro back tomorrow- i thought id surprize her at the airport and give her a ride home. maybe she might wanna hang out with me after?

when i told her about the plan she was giggling and said she didnt wanna hang out just yet - i asked her if it was because of our "situation" or because she had plans. and she said a little bit of both.

if i get her right before she gets on the metro ill have some time with her untill i drop her back. and her flight is just 1 hr so she wont probably be too tired.

SHOULD I SURPRIZE HER? the airport is 1 hr from me and out of my way. i wanna do this for her because i still have feelings for her. my plan is too be laid back and just chill and not bring up any mushy stuff or w/e.
but i fear that she might think i am coming off too strong, am still possessive, and w/e else she thought about me which made her take a break....

help. thanks

[Vasilisa]

Please, please, don't do it! It'll push her away even further.
Let her come to you, not the other way around.
Don't call her first, when she calls you don't pick up every time she calls.
Finish your talks on the phone first, be busy and not always available to her. This way you at least have a slight chance of getting her back.
But in my opinion, you are better off finding somebody else; your ex is not very interested in you. She calls just to see if you are still available and in love with er.

[Dreamline]

It will read as "controlling" yet again. Don't do it. It's not outlandish. It called "ignoring her wishes" which is the same as saying they don't matter. That she doesn't matter. That it's all about you.

Jealousy is a bad bad thing. Get that under control before you even attempt to date her again. She's giving you another chance, maybe, it seems. But if you bring that jealousy baggage to your second shot, she will bail for good.

Jennifer

[James81]

You realize what she's doing, right?

She's wanting to go explore other options, but she doesn't want to lost YOU as an option either. You're her fallback plan in case the other options she's exploring doesn't work out. That's usually what it means when a girl calls you, but is a bit skittish about hanging out or going beyond a certain point. Not always, but usually (for those who will come in and say that that is a generalization, well, yes, of course it is and I know there are ladies here who don't do that ).

So the first question you need to answer for yourself is whether or not you are ok with being her "fallback plan." (I would assert than no self-respecting male would be ok with that, but that's just my opinion)

Second question, then, after you answer that one is to ask yourself what has changed since you split up. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say very little has changed. People don't change overnight (that is, YOU didn't change chief, not her ). So the problem is still going to be there waiting for you if you get back together.

Granted, I wouldn't be comfortable with a girl who maintains contact (or resumes it) with an ex either, so I think you were fine to be a little wary about it. But I'm betting you didn't handle it right. Figure out where you went wrong (you sound like you are too accomadating, clingy, and haven't set any boundaries in your relationship, so, instead, you try to manipulate the relationship--and her--so that you don't have to set those boundaries), and fix it.

But I've seen this type of situation a million times. 9 times out of 10, the person who is in this situation ignores all the advice that is given to them, runs back to the gf without doing any of what I suggested above, get's together for a while until she dumps him for another guy a few months down the line.

Ah well, I'd worry more about why you are clingy than whether you should get back together or not. Take some time to focus on yourself and don't lose that focus in the relationship when you decide to get back with her.

[TonyToneTone]

Definitely NOT. It'll freak her out. BTW, I think you should give her a permanent "break".

[Dreamline]

Stop calling and letting her contact you. Let time pass. Months. If she comes back, that is her decision and then you decide if you still want her. If she doesn't come back, she was playing you.

Either way, you didn't make a silly fool of yourself, you cleared the slate so truth could be revealed and freed yourself up to date other people in case it was a farce all along.

Jennifer

[Daffy Duck]

Everyone here has given you great advice. I hope you follow it.

It's better to find a woman who actually wants to spend time with you, instead of one that is having an issue or dangles a carrot on a stick. For everyone's sake, I think it's best for you to avoid that game.

[drakecatz]

[QUOTE]

Originally Posted by James81

You realize what she's doing, right?

She's wanting to go explore other options, but she doesn't want to lost YOU as an option either. You're her fallback plan in case the other options she's exploring doesn't work out.

Thats a "man's" point of view.

I'm a woman, and it's also mine.

Please don't be her puppet. I think women do this sort of thing more than men. It sucks! It's the old..."I don't want you, but don't want you to have someone else." BS.

Let her go and find someone more mature and non game playing.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by All i Know

when i told her about the plan she was giggling and said she didnt wanna hang out just yet - i asked her if it was because of our "situation" or because she had plans. and she said a little bit of both.

People are so good at telling us what they want, if only we would listen to them.

Attempting to pick her up when she has clearly said she doesn't want you to would definitely show you are "too possessive and need to know where she [is] at all times" - the exact reasons she wanted a break.

I wouldn't recommend 'surprising her', but you might want to think hard about why you feel the need to control her behaviour by ignoring what she has said.

[coolbgdog]

I'd agree with the above responses and not surprise her. If you weren't invited then forget about it and it doesn't have to mean you aren't charasmatic. Sometimes you don't want to appear as a 'simp' because in reality, a lot of girls don't like attached, over compulsive obsessed type dudes. I'd too be a bit wary of a girl talking to her ex too frequently but then I would've talked about that with her in the first place before I even asked her out.

[chemmy1]

Why Not? Go ahead and surprise her. She is having a rethink and she did not want to come out straight. Girls being what they are, they like proving sturbborn on some issues outwardly but deep inside their hearts. They really want to do.

[Tam9]

Originally Posted by chemmy1

Why Not? Go ahead and surprise her. She is having a rethink and she did not want to come out straight. Girls being what they are, they like proving sturbborn on some issues outwardly but deep inside their hearts. They really want to do.

And you know this how?

Anyway, if in doubt, your best bet is to always take a person's words at face value. When someone says NO, it usually means NO!

Don't jeapardize the relationship any further by doing what she asked you not to. Whatever her reasons are at the moment, she needs a break. I suggest you find other ways to occupy yourself.