Knots in my Stomach over Girlfriend

[apple2121]

Hello all,

This is my first post on this site but I'm really in a bind....

I've been dating this girl for almost 1 year now and I really care about her, so much that I'm afraid to end it or commit to it. I've never had a girlfriend before so this whole experience has been really new for me. Everything was great at first, shes is a truly good person. However after a few months I started feeling very trapted and even had a few "talks" that hinted at me wanting to end the relationship. I still think about other girls, particulary 2 who got away from me because I was immature and left myself with a broken heart before it even started.

I felt that I had no space and my social circle was all intertwined and that the thought of me and my girlfriend ending was a nightmare from a society standpoint. I ended up going to Hungary for 6 weeks on a school program but I did that for career purposes but also to get away from everything back at home, particulary my girlfriend to see if I really cared for her from far away.

While there I thought about her but I ended up fooling around with a girl when I was very intoxicated which is no excuse but it happened. I've never cheated before, I've never had a girlfriend before, these feelings I never had before. I told my girlfriend immediatly the next day because I felt so guilty and couldn't live a lie. She loves me and took me back, but I'm not sure why I'm back or why she is....I miss what I have when its gone and the fear of losing control of it.

Now I'm back at school and I just have constant knots in my stomach everyday. I'm going through a lot financially and emotionally with my family and life in general, adding this girlfriend issue takes up even more mental power. I'm confused, lost, not myself, but I can't bring myself to just end it with her because I still care. Just not sure if shes a long-term match.. I've lost touch with my own skin that I don't even know what I want anymore. I watch TV and I can't decide on a show. I live in a constant mental circle, everyday is just the same...another day. Nothing new is happening and I'm looking for a way out and eliminating her seems to be the only thing I'm thinking of. I just don't know if this is the best or worst decision of my life......?

I am entering my senior year of college so I'm at a crossroads. I don't know where I'll be living, working, etc in a year and now I'm just completely indecisive because there are 2 completely different routes.


Sorry for the long post, I kind of wanted to just vent a bit on here.

Thank you in advance to everyone who takes time to read this.

[mirandaom]

Never really a good sign. It sounds like you are in no position for making a commitment and the only way out of the situation is to take yourself out. Stop waiting for the girlfriend to break up with you. If she didn't after you cheated on her, she's probably trying to trap you. It's awful, I know. But some women care so much about getting married that they don't care if it's too the right person or not.

Trust your gut. If it says walk away, walk away.

[apple2121]

We had a talk last night. I confronted how I was feeling and told her the 2 ways that I'm thinking.

1) I leave but I maybe regret it later.....

2) I stay but nothing changes and I'm still miserable

She told me that she loves me, which I've kind of already figured. She kept telling me that I(me) am making a dumb move and that I really don't wanna leave her. Earlier in the day I was dead set on breaking up, I even cleaned her car and was going to give her ipod back. I ended up falling into what she had to say and spending the night in her bed...


...I still feel the same as I did yesterday with knots.

[mirandaom]

Of course she says she loves you and of course you're having a hard time sticking to your decision. Breaking up sucks and this is your first girlfriend. It's very hard. Imagine trying to break an addiction to heroine. It's very difficult, I'm told. I've never had the problem. But I have had boyfriends and when you break up, it's like you go through physical withdrawals. It hurts.

I tried to break up with my high school sweetheart several times. We dated from age 14 to 22. Then we got married. We were divorced 11 months later. That's because I ignored the signs from the universe telling me it wasn't meant to be. If you ignore your true feelings long enough, the universe will force you into the most uncomfortable situation in order to make you do something differently.

So your options:

Stay where it's comfy and safe and not make any waves and have a harder time growing and evolving and risk something really big happening to you to get you moving in the right direction...

Or

Take a risk of finding out who you really are. You have to go through the chaos and confusion that comes with big life changes but when you look at yourself in the mirror and you like who you see, it's all worth it. You don't really like yourself right now because you aren't being true to what your spirit wants. TRUST YOURSELF!!! I can't say this enough. You know, already, everything you want. You just have to be willing to listen to the quiet voice inside you that loves you, the voice that IS you.

[apple2121]

Thank you for your advice and time.

[chrisrushton]

Originally Posted by apple2121

We had a talk last night. I confronted how I was feeling and told her the 2 ways that I'm thinking.

1) I leave but I maybe regret it later.....

2) I stay but nothing changes and I'm still miserable

She told me that she loves me, which I've kind of already figured. She kept telling me that I(me) am making a dumb move and that I really don't wanna leave her. Earlier in the day I was dead set on breaking up, I even cleaned her car and was going to give her ipod back. I ended up falling into what she had to say and spending the night in her bed...


...I still feel the same as I did yesterday with knots.

You really answered your own question here. If I were in your situation I'd be gone, regardless of what she had to say about it.

If you want any more of a clue that the relationship is unhealthy, she's attempting to emasculate you by telling you that you're making a dumb decision. That's not for her to say. She's scared for herself and doesn't care about what you think at all.

That's my take on reading what you've said, hope it helps.