Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Jana Gray · 08-06-2009, 05:25 PM

Hi Everyone,

I've decided that the next area I want to work on is developing my social skills particularly conversation skills. Can anyone suggest any resources for this either web sites, books or work shops to go to?

Thanks in advance for your help.

Jana

spirit4711 · 08-06-2009, 05:33 PM

The book 'How to win friends and influence people' is a classic, written by Dale Carnegie. Reading and applying it will do miracles for your social skills.

BlackWigger · 08-06-2009, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spirit4711

The book 'How to win friends and influence people' is a classic, written by Dale Carnegie. Reading and applying it will do miracles for your social skills.

Why do I have the feeling that that book is a bunch of bs... like most self help books.

scotthegeek · 08-06-2009, 11:00 PM

I'm thinking about doing toastmaster. I understand one of the things they do is to have you give speeches on unplanned topics to teach you to think on your feet. I would think that public speaking would be good for improving conversation skills and I know that many people on this forum said that they did toastmaster

ProbableReality · 08-07-2009, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Why do I have the feeling that that book is a bunch of bs... like most self help books.

Because you've been spanked by the world, and you gave up trying. Rather than encouraging others to develop their personal growth, you would rather bring them down.

Are you saying Steve Pavlina's book is BS?

shasah · 08-07-2009, 02:42 AM

Jana, I hope you get a lot of good answers! That way I can grab some of the same info

Dale Carnegie's book is good and helped me get started. Someone recommended to me Leil Lowndes "How to Talk to Anyone, 92 little tricks..." I read it, but think I need to reread it so that more sinks in. Also, have read Mike Bechtle's "Confident Conversation". I have a much easier time having conversations after reading each of these but mostly with people I already know. I still have a problem initiating conversations with strangers. I think I will reread each of them with that specific thought in mind. Let me know if you get any good leads anywhere else, and I hope that any and all of them work for you!

Sunmaid · 08-07-2009, 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shasah

"How to Talk to Anyone, 92 little tricks..."

I have t his book, it was recommended on this site and I got it for next to nothing on Amazon.

I also got a book on reading body language, not as easy as it looks...but DEFINITELY helpful.

Good Luck !

LifeFirst · 08-07-2009, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spirit4711

The book 'How to win friends and influence people' is a classic, written by Dale Carnegie. Reading and applying it will do miracles for your social skills.

I read that book and I was ready to be blown away by the things in there, but sadly.....a lot of the things in there are just common sense.

spirit4711 · 08-07-2009, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

I read that book and I was ready to be blown away by the things in there, but sadly.....a lot of the things in there are just common sense.

It IS common sense, but it is NOT common behaviour...

spirit4711 · 08-07-2009, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Why do I have the feeling that that book is a bunch of bs... like most self help books.

Did you read it? If so, did you apply it?

If not, what's the point of your comment? To not read / apply it? What would you suggest to the topic starter as an alternative?

Daffy Duck · 08-08-2009, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spirit4711

It IS common sense, but it is NOT common behaviour...

Exactly. Most humans I've met know what they should do for their personal growth... but many just don't do it.

shasah · 08-09-2009, 03:38 AM

Quote:

Exactly. Most humans I've met know what they should do for their personal growth... but many just don't do it.

I think it is more an awareness that is not there. A year ago, I was not aware (nor did I particularly care) about personal growth. I thought I had everything and my ego alienated me from most people. Genuinely caring about other people and their triumphs or problems brought me to a fuller awareness of where I wanted to go. That in turn led to personal growth. Obviously, I haven't reached Utopia yet, but I'm working on it

seeker5 · 08-09-2009, 04:04 AM

I actually read that book "How to win friends..." by Dale Carnegie and tried to implement it a number of years ago. I feel the book is bad and it relies too much on superficialities for my taste.

Star Cluster · 08-09-2009, 06:05 AM

Hi Jana,

Maybe you will get some good tips from the articles in the link below. There are some ncie ideas to explore further..

Improving Your Conversation Skills By Listening

Wishing you well on your journey

Betsy · 08-09-2009, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackWigger

Why do I have the feeling that that book is a bunch of bs... like most self help books.

Because it's full of information that we all already know, but don't apply all the time.

Betsy · 08-09-2009, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LifeFirst

I read that book and I was ready to be blown away by the things in there, but sadly.....a lot of the things in there are just common sense.

I try to think of the book as a good reminder for all the things I should be doing.

Andrew Brunelle · 08-09-2009, 06:48 PM

I red How to Win Friends and Influence People, but I didn't get that far into it because I felt like this was a book for those who want to lead a cult, not for those who want geniune friendships. Even the title "How to Win Friends<" like they're a prize at the end of the game, "and influence people:" influence them to follow your beliefs and whatnot.

The best way to have a conversation is to be honest and direct, but with some humor spliced in there. Ask people about themselves then give them a reason to ask about you. Conversing is pretty natural if you can get into a good rhythm. The only thing is that you have to have something to say.

Vertigo · 08-09-2009, 06:54 PM

How to do better socially | Free social skills advice

Remember, all the advice in the world is useless unless you apply it.

Vasilisa · 08-09-2009, 07:03 PM

For developing conversational skills you need practice, practice and practice. You won't develop them reading books or listening podcasts or just thinking about the problem. Just get out there and start conversing with people a lot, giving your full, undivided attention to them.
Just really LISTEN to what they have to say and be genuine in your response.

ssandra · 08-09-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

The best way to have a conversation is to be honest and direct, but with some humor spliced in there. Ask people about themselves then give them a reason to ask about you. Conversing is pretty natural if you can get into a good rhythm. The only thing is that you have to have something to say.

Although I agree that the title is a bit too much, what you just described there is basically the content of the book...

Not at all that creepy or cult like...

spirit4711 · 08-09-2009, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssandra

Although I agree that the title is a bit too much, what you just described there is basically the content of the book...

Not at all that creepy or cult like...

I agree with Ssandra. You can like the content or not, the fact is that it is working. As with anything it can be used for good or bad purposes.

Influencing people is not bad - we humans do it all the time, whether we're aware of it or not. The book helps you to become more aware.

ginkgo · 08-10-2009, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Betsy

I try to think of the book as a good reminder for all the things I should be doing.

Hi,

Make sure to see my response to your introduction: I'm Betsy

08-06-2009, 05:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jana Gray Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 7	Developing conversation skills Hi Everyone, I've decided that the next area I want to work on is developing my social skills particularly conversation skills. Can anyone suggest any resources for this either web sites, books or work shops to go to? Thanks in advance for your help. Jana

08-06-2009, 05:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
spirit4711 Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: the Netherlands Posts: 2,250	The book 'How to win friends and influence people' is a classic, written by Dale Carnegie. Reading and applying it will do miracles for your social skills. __________________ 'Stay hungry, stay foolish' - Steve Jobs Want to improve your business results?

08-09-2009, 06:48 PM	#17 (permalink)
Andrew Brunelle Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Home Posts: 1,305	I red How to Win Friends and Influence People, but I didn't get that far into it because I felt like this was a book for those who want to lead a cult, not for those who want geniune friendships. Even the title "How to Win Friends<" like they're a prize at the end of the game, "and influence people:" influence them to follow your beliefs and whatnot. The best way to have a conversation is to be honest and direct, but with some humor spliced in there. Ask people about themselves then give them a reason to ask about you. Conversing is pretty natural if you can get into a good rhythm. The only thing is that you have to have something to say. __________________ AndrewBrunelle.com--Getting back in touch with the Earth and being human, one blog post at a time. Facebook\|Myspace

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08-06-2009, 11:00 PM	#4 (permalink)
scotthegeek Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 7	I'm thinking about doing toastmaster. I understand one of the things they do is to have you give speeches on unplanned topics to teach you to think on your feet. I would think that public speaking would be good for improving conversation skills and I know that many people on this forum said that they did toastmaster

08-07-2009, 02:42 AM	#6 (permalink)
shasah Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: USA Posts: 151	Jana, I hope you get a lot of good answers! That way I can grab some of the same info Dale Carnegie's book is good and helped me get started. Someone recommended to me Leil Lowndes "How to Talk to Anyone, 92 little tricks..." I read it, but think I need to reread it so that more sinks in. Also, have read Mike Bechtle's "Confident Conversation". I have a much easier time having conversations after reading each of these but mostly with people I already know. I still have a problem initiating conversations with strangers. I think I will reread each of them with that specific thought in mind. Let me know if you get any good leads anywhere else, and I hope that any and all of them work for you!

08-09-2009, 04:04 AM	#13 (permalink)
seeker5 Moderator Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,144	I actually read that book "How to win friends..." by Dale Carnegie and tried to implement it a number of years ago. I feel the book is bad and it relies too much on superficialities for my taste.

08-09-2009, 06:05 AM	#14 (permalink)
Star Cluster Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 7	Hi Jana, Maybe you will get some good tips from the articles in the link below. There are some ncie ideas to explore further.. Improving Your Conversation Skills By Listening Wishing you well on your journey

08-09-2009, 06:54 PM	#18 (permalink)
Vertigo Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 8	How to do better socially \| Free social skills advice Remember, all the advice in the world is useless unless you apply it.

08-09-2009, 07:03 PM	#19 (permalink)
Vasilisa Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 270	For developing conversational skills you need practice, practice and practice. You won't develop them reading books or listening podcasts or just thinking about the problem. Just get out there and start conversing with people a lot, giving your full, undivided attention to them. Just really LISTEN to what they have to say and be genuine in your response.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums